Life Returning to normal...Whatever that is!

So just finished the last busy weekend for a little while. I am looking forward to getting back into our "normal" routine, whatever that is. Yesterday was so crazy for us. We were up early for Vickie to compete in State Choir ensembles, she is in two so she performed at 8:00 am for Women's Glee they received and Excellent rating of a 2. Then she performed again at 10:30 for Acapella Choir and they received a Superior rating of a 1! The other choirs from South did wonderful as well. Then we had to pick her up and head down to Springfield for State Winter Guard Championships. The other girls went down Friday afternoon but since she had choir we had to take her down yesterday. We arrived around 3:45 and she performed at 6:45 pm. Awards were not until 11:15 PM!! So as each class was announced we waited patiently...ok maybe it was a little impatiently, she has worked all winter for this last performance score and ranking so we were a bit excited. The performance was wonderful! They performed to Michael Buble's "Smile" It was an exciting show and Vickie's smile just lit up that gym!! So fun too! Anyway so they got around to her class and they received 4th in the state!! Pretty great job I would say!! We got home around 3:00 am, and we are exhausted today. So we get a few weeks repreive to rest and get back into our normal routine, course if you know us our lives revolve around our children and band so it won't be long till we are back at it again. If you have a child in band it really never stops! But we LOVE it!!

This past week though Ernie has been home for Spring break and we let a friend of his stay with us too. It made me think about some things. First how much I LOVE having a full house! And second how I love the quiet times with my hubby and more important the quiet times with Our Lord! They are so very precious to me. Our home seems a little less empty now days because he is gone. I am starting to get use to the routine of the four of us, yet he is still missing. There are times I look around and say you know Ernie should be here to see this or do this. I am however SO proud of the man he is becoming, and letting go is a little easier each time, although I do hang on for his hug when he leaves as long as he'll let me. He gives the best hugs!! I did like the feeling of every room in our house being full this past week, and as much as a pain I am about having the house clean, I was reminded that its not so important when your loving on people and sharing your lives with each other. In the end that is what they will hang on to. Not whether the house is clean or the laundry was done, its whether there was love there.

Which brings me to the point of this blog today. I am not sure I want life to return to normal. I want my home full of conversation and busyness. I want The Lord to be honored and loved here no matter who comes and goes. I want people to come and be comfortable and feel loved when they are here. Normal seems boring. I like a little spontaniety and some real laughter in our home. The kind you hold your stomach and cannot breathe sort of laughter. Most important, and if you know me, you know this, I want LOVE here! I want to show love and be shown love, just give my heart completely away to those God brings into my life. That is what life is about!

I have so many thoughts in my head and just have not had the time to put them here this week. I am so thankful for this coming week and what it stands for in our home. Today is Palm Sunday! What joy that is in a Christians life! Friday will come, and we will reflect, but Sunday is coming!!! The Lord will be celebrated, for dying on the cross for us to forgive our sins but more importantly rising from the grave and fulfilling every single one of His promises!! In that I am reminded of not only the promises of the bible but the promises He has made me. China is waiting, somehow, someday! It will all be so beautiful because we will get to watch His plan unfold right before our eyes!! You know we were adopted into His family? So why not adopt others into ours!! Lord just show me each step you want me to take so that each one will honor You! Show us hope and remind us of what You want us to do! Please console our hearts when they are hurting. Whether its because this world is cruel and won't cooperate, or whether our hearts are hurting because we just cannot bear the waiting sometimes. Love on us like only You can! Fill us up!

We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary!
We won't be satisified at all!
Open up the sky fall down like rain,
We don't want blessings we want You.
Open up the sky fall down like fire,
We don't want anything but you!!

Just let us serve You and honor You sweet Jesus! Your ways are higher and better than we can ever imagine! Protect our sweet daughters birth mother and show her Your love. And when it is time for her to do the unimaginable, comfort her and give her peace, and in Your wonderful wisdom show her that her daughter and ours will be loved eternally!! And love on her so much Father that she will know she did the best she could! Protect our daughter as well and love on her too, do not let her go one minute without knowing she is loved SO very much! I am hanging on to Your Word and Your promises Father! All for Your Glory Lord, ALL for Your Glory!! I cannot wait to be part of this wonderful plan that You have shown us! I am Yours USE me!!

Wondering what He has in store

So God has a way of just showing up huge and reminding me exactly what His plans are. And I in my little wisdom seem to always try and change it or hurry it along, Probably because my heart is just yearning for what He promised us. I know it all comes best in His time, but sometimes I began to wonder when exactly that is. So I am about to reveal something to you that you may think weird and then again you may not. I have longed for a little girl from China since God promised it to us so many years ago. So 6 years ago He started to soften our hearts and prepare us for adoption from China. As I began the wait I began a journal and began praying for her and her mother. What will she look like, how will she react to us, how will she be left, abandoned and alone. That breaks my heart into a million little pieces, but I know it has to happen in order for God to bring her to us. I also know that He will not leave her one tiny minute unsheltered or unloved. He has someone ready to take care of her until we can bring her home to her family who has loved her longer than she may ever know. I tell her how our hearts are being changed and what sweet things God is doing for her already! Some may call me crazy, and I expect that. Remember the characters in the bible, not everyone thought they were sane. I don't care so much about that because I KNOW I am following what He asks of me. So I journal my thoughts to her, tell her I love her. Tell her how life has changed and how I thought by now she would be home with us, another Christmas, another Easter without her. But we still hold onto Faith and Hope, because we know what is in our hearts.


I know this may sound odd to you. So I ask, have you ever had God call you to something and you brushed it off? Or maybe you doubted that it was from Him. Search your heart and see if it is from Him and if it is DO not deny Him. He will unfold gifts that you cannot even imagine. We have seen some of these gifts. We still are waiting for the big one, China, and lately I wonder if there is not more than one little sweet angel girl waiting on us in China someday. TWO in one house, what JOY that will bring to our home and comfort will bring to each other. So for now we work on getting one home. Waiting for God to let us know about the second one. We are sure about one absolutely sure!! God do Your will in our lives. We are waiting and we will serve you in the waiting. Bring our Ladybug home to us, in Your will and Your time. In the mean time bring us comfort and please keep showing us that You hear our prayers and that we are on the right track to bring her home to us so we can tell her about this wonderful Jesus and how much He loves us and the sacrifices He made to show us that. He loves us enough and loves her enough to bring us together.  We are waiting for you Ladybug


Do not be afraid for I am with you. I will bring your children from the East and gather you from the West. Isaiah 43:5


His promises are new everyday! Love you Ladybug! Love you! We all Love you AHT!!

Walking By Faith

Ok I know I just posted but remember when I said God speaks to me through song, here is an example Jeremy Camp's song Walk By Faith and because it was so powerful I am sharing the lyrics with you here, on my blog. :)


Walk By Faith


Would I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words you say
Every moment of everyday


I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares you will for me


Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath you make me
Your grace covers all I do


I will walk by faith

Even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares you will for me


When I am broken
I still see your face
If you've spoken
Pouring your words of grace
I will walk by faith


I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares your will for me


Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I will walk by Faith
I will walk by Faith


Not sure I need to say more, other than I am walking BY FAITH!! Thank you Lord!

Truly Listening With My Heart

Over the past few weeks I have truly been listening to my heart. Now most of the time my heart is not wrong and is easy to follow. These past few days have been a test I am sure. A test to see if I am listening to my heart as well as what God has put there. Its been a confusing time for me but yet I know in the confusion and in my prayers God is there trying to guide me. I sit very still with His word in my lap and take in His scripture and pray so I know what is truly coming from Him and what is rubish. Now granted in this life there is a LOT of rubish but ya have to know that if your close to Him the rubish will just go away and let you alone. So I normally just count it as lost. Which is good for the heart. God speaks to me through song the most I think. It is there where I can truly worship Him without any worries. My heart and my soul seem like they are lifted to His thrown. It is undescribable!

So bring in the last few weeks. God is doing something with my heart! I wish I could say just what, but to be honest I am not really sure. Its one of two things and I am just praying and waiting to see the outcome and how He works in the lives of those around me. I really cannot share it because I am really just not sure, and I do not want to put my heart out there and have it broken so I am being very logical about all this. Which is NOT who I am, anyone that truly knows me knows I think with my heart and head and throw logic out the window because I have a great BIG GOD and it seems not to matter when He is in the middle of it, and He IS!

Please pray for us, that we will keep our eyes completely on Him and know what He is trying to tell us, and please pray for all involved that their hearts will be turned to His will as well and will do what is best for everyone. I am truly blessed to have wonderful people around me who love me, close friends and family, and some who are ALMOST family. I love them dearly and I appreciate everything they bring to my life, yet something is still missing, someone is still missing. God will work how He wants to. I am just going to stand back and be in awe of His wonderous ways!!

Following hard after God

This past weekend has been crazy for me emotionally. God has something going on in our lives but I am not sure of the direction He is going. It is making me excited and anxious all at the same time. I am not sure I can share it right now but just know we covet your prayers. There are so many things to think about and yet I dare not do that, just in case His path is not what I am seeing ahead of me. I just want to serve Him and do His will. I have been on my knees alot this last weekend just praying and talking with Him. What to do? How to handle things? Its both frustrating and yet I find joy in the thinking, which I should NOT be doing right now, thinking that is. I have been at the very bottom this weekend, yet He shows me hope!! Friday night I was scared out of my mind for a few hours due to something that happened with Ernie, don't worry he is fine! All is well there, but he scared me to death but God handled it in His way. Guess thats what kids do sometimes. Saturday brought some relief at Sis' guard competition, that just brings me so much joy to watch her perform. She just puts her heart into it! Then Sunday a new low and yet a high too! Lord what are YOU doing? Where do we go and how do we follow hard after YOU??!!! Like I said an emotional roller coster! I am normally good at handling these things but I sure love it when my family and  friends support me and lift me up and God shows me HIS direction! That is all I want today is HIS direction! Oh did I mention we are on Spring break as well! So guess I am off to clean, that will sure keep my mind off stuff, and I can pray while I clean. Wonder if He thinks I am silly to do that, or does He just smile and say "That girl is one of mine?" I hope the latter. Ok off to clean, please please pray for us! Lord Your WILL be done! We love you and want what you want for our lives!!! Blessings to everyone!!

Just a glimpse

Yesterday I got a glimpse, just a glimpse of whats to come, a sweet little chinese girl sitting in my lap, content as can be. However this was not by my doing as much as I wanted it to be. It was a crazy day at work, picture day with the bunny. All the kids in my class had their pictures taken before even coming to class that morning, I was at ease thinking this is going to be easy. Then as it does sometimes, things change, BOY did they, we ended up with two extra little ones in our class, they are a bit younger so it was a little bit of stress on them but they managed quickly to start playing and after that you would have never known they weren't part of our class daily, however, one little boy had not had his picture taken. So guess what? I had to take him down to sit with the bunny and smile. While I am outside the door waiting, another teacher was in with two of her students, two little girls dressed as cute as can be, there class is across the hall from ours. Every once in awhile our classes play together. Today however was Thursday and one special little girl adopted from china comes, she was having her picture taken. Now God could have easily timed this all different but I am SURE He just wanted to love on me a bit :)

So as I am sitting there, my teacher friend from across the hall pops her head out and asks me if I can watch her two students and she would take the little boy I brought over (who is really from her class anyway) in to have his picture taken. I said "Sure, no problem.", One little girl jumped up in the chair sitting across from me, the other, the sweet chinese little girl, hopped up in my lap and just sat there! She was content as could be, didn't care about moving or wiggling or wanting to get down, great for a 2 year old. And then it hit me, I hugged her tight and talked with her and she just looked at me with those almond shaped eyes and smiled at me and nodded and was as happy as could be just sitting in my lap. I thanked God right there for that moment and I thanked Him for allowing her to have a forever family who loves her dearly. What a blessing she is to her family. God was allowing me to have a glimpse into whats to come, someday, I will be holding our own little China princess to love on, forever! Thank you Lord for Your grace and for loving me that much to bring me some comfort, I had a whole 10 minutes of pure joy yesterday and I will smile everytime I think about it. Is she ours? absolutely not. Did I cherish that moment? You betcha!! He keeps showing me stuff all the time, whether its a friend trying to hook me up with one of her friends who have adopted from China or my teen needing a hug, or another one concerned about her health and whats to come, coming to me for comfort, God loves me enough to bring me each one of these things to remind me of His love and the wonderful plans He has for our lives. And to tell me I still have stuff to do in the waiting. I am waiting Lord, and I will follow You each day and try to do my best to do Your will always, because I know with You, All things are possible, not some ALL things!! Matthew 19:26 I love you Lord! Thank you for loving me, that much!!

Waiting

Lots of stuff going on in the house with all the kids. We celebrated Ernie and Vickie's birthday's together yesterday in what little time Ernie was home. He came home this weekend to be a small group leader for our Youth groups annual Refuel weekend. It was a different role for him being  a leader and not a student learning, but as I suspected He LOVED it!!! All he could talk about were "his boys" while he was here. The Lord is working and I am just loving seeing it.


That left little time for a birthday dinner for both and a cake but we squeezed it in. You see the day before was Vickie's 17th birthday (whew time is flying) and she had a guard competition in St. Louis, all day on the bus is not a great way to spend her birthday, however I tried to make it as special as possible. I woke her early not because she wanted to get up but because she HAD to and she knew the day would stretch into the wee hours of the next morning so I tried to ease her pain a bit by placing her birthday present on her chest to wake her. She was pleasantly surprised. :) Amongst her presents in her bag was a few minor things I made her swear she would wear all day, a button that said "It's my birthday" and a birthday princess crown. She LOVED it!!! For a second I got a glimpse of my sweet little girl dressing up all those years ago. See we were not able to go with her on this trip due to a little thing called FPU, we just had to save money and it really was not in our budget this week to take this trip, however as bad as I feel about missing this, I am reminded of Dave Ramseys words, "money is a moral, not good or bad, just stuff we need" So I took that into thought and since we are "lving like no one else (btw it is TOUGH) so later we can live like no one else" I came to peace with it, it was almost a knock down drag out with my mothering instincts but in the end, God really was the one who put me at ease. It was her birthday after all! So we celebrate a day late, no big deal. We were all ok with it and I got to hear all the stories of the day in the wee hours of the morning, but there was NO way I was missing them for anything. She was beat and tired but still went on about how well the guard did. They moved up 6 whole points from the week before! Way to go everyone!! Every week they get better. So when championships come around at the end of the month in Springfield they will be at the top of their game...oh and btw we ARE going to that. We just had to choose which ones, and we knew championships would mean more to her.


So Bud and I had a few hours to ourselves on Saturday with all the kids in their respective spots per say. We have needed a new vehicle for quite awhile and now that we are doing FPU we have to look at purchasing one in a whole new manner. So Saturday we went "looking" what features we like, what we can afford, how much to save to pay cash, what size, all those things. Then it hit me...well first let me back up just a bit. All this past week God has been loving on me and comforting me about the adoption of our little girl someday from China. I have been just out of sorts about it and He has loving been reminding me that His plan is higher and much better than I could ever imagine. I still have this empty ache of a hole in my heart and this frustration of waiting for all this to begin. I have heard friends say throughout their adoption process that the waiting is the toughest. I agree but I would give anything to be in the middle of the waiting and not wondering when its ever going to begin. My heart truly aches sometimes and I can get very down, and then God will show me, she is still going to be there when He says its time. SO I put that in the back of my mind and go on with my life taking care of all the things I need to, keeping busy helps. His word is so comforting. So back to the "looking" we see this one particular vehicle and I am thinking is there enough room for two teenagers with LONG legs to sit back here when we are all together...and then God reminds me, your gonna need room for a car seat too. :) My heart just leaped!! It was just a little nugget and a way that God has of speaking to me that brought joy and some peace and a great big smile across my face. I knew which vehicle we were to save for. The funny thing was, well maybe its just God being God, but Bud agreed 100% no this is not the right one, lets keep looking, or I just don't like it, or Your the one driving it sorta conversation. He just said I really like this, its really going to work. And me, me I just smiled, like God and I had an inside joke. He is good isn't he?! 


So for now I will continue to wait, waiting is the hardest. You see I have been in love with this little girl for over 5 years now. She and her mommy are in my prayers daily and I just long to hold her and tell her all the wonderful things God has for her and how MUCH He LOVES her! I don't know when or how, but God has promised me a long time ago and of everyone I know, I know one thing for sure, He NEVER breaks a promise! So it may be all my kids are grown and graduated and we start fresh, I don't care because I know God is in the midst of all the intricate areas of my life. I will keep waiting Lord, and while I do I will watch and serve You and honor You with all that I am! My China princess is out there and one day I will hold her in my arms and tell her how much we love her and how long we have been waiting to tell her Jesus loves her! Its such a hard thing to share and a hard thing to let others understand so if you do thank you, and if you don't just pray for us, we need all the prayers we can get. He is in all of it!


One other note, I am not sure who is following or reading this blog or if this is just for myself, but if you could just leave a note saying your reading it I would appreciate it. I just want to share my heart with those who want to hear it. - Love Tammy