Ever had God close a door you were sure He opened? I was sure He opened a door for us that would have allowed us to have the final thing we needed to meet the requirements for China. There was no way I would have went and searched this thing out, it was kind of handed to us. I was shocked and amazed and at first I told myself there was no way this could happen. Then we talked to someone about this thing and he gave us hope. In the mean time I prayed fervently to God "if this is not what you want for us then take it out of my thoughts" but it would pop in there even when I wasn't thinking of it. My hope grew when my thoughts would be filled with the idea of having all the things we needed (minus the money of course) to say Hey we met the requirements!
China is tough on requirements and some of them I think are just silly, stupid things. But whatever. I will do whatever it takes to bring our baby girl home to us. I guess it just appalls me that there are people right here in the U.S. who allows their kids to do horrible horrible things and they are never questioned as a good parent or not. I have been a parent for 19 years and worked hard at it to raise our kids in a godly manner. However, when China wants all these requirements to show your a good parent when those things they are asking of us do not really gauge our parenting skills whatsoever, makes me kind of crazy. OK through ranting, just one of those things I will never understand this side of heaven.
Anyway so the door was closed today. Not sure how to feel about it. I know God's plans are always better than what I ever imagined. I know He has our best in mind. I guess I just felt my hopes dashed a bit. So now I wonder, Lord if this is not what you want, then how do we meet this final requirement and step out in faith with the rest of this adoption? So many questions! I pray sometimes He would just give me a little bit of a glimpse of the very next step. Apparently not privy to that I guess, at least not now. The funny thing is this morning in my quiet time, He revealed something to me out of Revelation. I never thought He would speak to me about the adoption from this particular book but He did. Revelations 13:10b This calls for patience, endurance and faithfulness on the part of the saints. I thought that was pretty cool early this morning. However at this minute it confuses me. Haven't I been all those things Lord? 6 years is a long time to wait before we even start. I have been patient, I have prayed and endured my friends going and coming back from China with their sweet ones. I have been faithful to them and to you Lord so how have I not met this verse, what does this mean at this moment? So at this moment I am confused. Still leaning on Him for everything but I have to admit I guess my heart feels a little sad, not because we didn't get the thing we thought He wanted, but because I feel like we have taken a step back and are stalled again. I hate being stalled! It wears me down and takes away my hope.
Does this change anything in our home right now? No, not really. There is still a ruckus coming from the other room from the teens in this house. They are laughing and having a good time visiting with each other and catching up. Not sure how long that will last but it is good for now. It's funny the things that affect them and the things that don't. They are worried about finals coming home and last minute grades. I know they will all be fine because I have made sure they know what they need to. That's the kind of mom I am. I am involved in my children's lives. I am worried now that this could have helped us start to bring their sibling home and now they may not get to see that happen while they are home. Lord will they really know her when she comes home or will they all be gone and not get to love her and know her like I'd hoped? Maybe that is the plan. Maybe that is what she will need, but I feel like they all will be missing out on each others love and goodness and things only siblings can share. Just a frustrating afternoon I guess. Giving it all over to the Father. He knows best anyway. Hoping He will help me with this frustration and doubt. Boy I hate doubt. I am so thankful He never leaves me. Gonna go love on my kiddo's. That will help I am sure. This gift would have been for them too. Not sure where we are headed but I know God is with us. He promises!!
Blessings
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Memorial Box Monday
Today is Monday! Know what that means? Memorial Box Monday! OK so if you do not know what Memorial Box Monday is click on the picture on the side bar over there that looks like the picture above. Here goes my story....
This is huge for me to share this with you so please be kind in your responses (if you respond) Our God is an awesome God and I know for sure the words of Jeremiah 29:11 ring true when it comes to my oldest son.
You see 20 years ago I was a 17 year old high school student crazy in love with my boyfriend. We planned to marry after I graduated. God was not always the center of our home while I was growing up. He was mentioned and we prayed and my brother and I were saved when we were little during that short time we did attend church, but we never really attended on a regular basis so therefore we did not "grow" in our faith. That came later for me. However God never left me. You see I sinned, one of those sins that you know you shouldn't do but as a teen your hormones get the best of you. We had sex before marriage and you guessed it, we got pregnant.
So here I was begging and pleading with God not to be pregnant. Ever heard that song "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks? That song was fitting back then. We prayed together and prayed but I knew in my heart when I took that test I was pregnant. Now here is the good part. We were married not to long after in a godly church and began to attend there. The seed was replanted again. :) I had our son not to long after and he was simply beautiful! I never really knew what unconditional love was until that moment. So we went along and raised him the best we could. We were young and made lots of mistakes. Two more sweet ones came along after that and we just did the best we could to love them unconditionally.
We eventually got them all in church and they were all saved and love The Lord to this day. But you see our God is not an ordinary bland God. He is the creator of the universe. And He had a plan!!! A few years ago our son had went through some tough things and just clung to the Lord during it. We were so proud of him. He could have turned away and became bitter because what happened to him was not fair. However God used it. About a year later he had a friend who went through some things that were almost what our son had went through. Harder, more difficult and the young man found God in the midst of it all. In the mean time our son befriended him because he could relate to what he went through. The more he spoke the gospel into this young mans life, the more our son grew in his faith. One day he came up to me and said, "Mom, I think after all this I am suppose to be a Youth Pastor." My heart lept and then I was frightened. I knew what he would endure and all his life I tried to protect him. I was overjoyed for the most part. So we all began to pray for this "leading".
He began to look at how he could accomplish this. Then he found a college that was perfect for him. It felt like he was at church while he was there. We have a wonderful church that feels like family. Everyone is loving and just wants to spread the gospel. So we visited the college and we LOVED it. More importantly HE loved it. But coming from the background he did it was nearly next to impossible to pay for this private college. But our God is a mountain moving God and that is just what He did!! He took care of ALL his expenses for college including books and even gave our son a refund on some of it. Financial aid and scholarships and one student loan covered the whole amount for the whole year for a Christian private college!! He just finished his Freshman year! God is good all the time and can move any mountain this world throws in front of you!!! His Major is in Pastoral studies with a minor in music. How awesome is our God?!
What if He would have answered that prayer all those years ago? I would not be the Mom I am nor would I have a son going off to serve our wonderful Loving God and spreading the gospel! All for Your Glory Lord! All for Your Glory!!! So every time I hear that song (which is rare now days) I think of our son and how God saved him to serve Him! Maybe the proper thing to put in our Memorial box would be the words to the verse to that song. Which are these
Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers,
Remember when your talking to the Man upstairs,
Just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't care,
Some of God's greatest gifts, are Unanswered Prayers!
Indeed one of my greatest gifts is that sweet boy..er uh young man of mine that God is using to further His kingdom! Thank you Lord for unanswered prayers!
Friday, May 21, 2010
A realization
I know I just posted, but this has nothing to do with that post and I thought I might share with you just a bit. Well it kinda does have something to do with the other post but not in the same extent. I just read something on a sweet friends blog and thought maybe I should address this dilemma I have, and I see she has as well. So maybe more of you have it too, so lets ponder it over together!
Let me say this, I love my children dearly and I will miss each of them as they spread their wings and follow where God leads them. I know it is part of life and growing and changing so we can minister to others for the kingdom. However I do feel sometimes that there are parents out there who don't get my dilemma in this adoption thing. To tell you the truth I have argued this point with God a few times as well, when it comes to the adoption. My kids are almost grown. One in college, one about to be a Senior and one who will be a Junior. We are talking colleges and what to be and how to be it and how to accomplish things the last few years of High school so that they can choose the best school to go to that will help them develop their God given talents. And yet I want to, well this family AND God wants us to bring a new little life into the midst of this ever changing family. Alas to "start over again"! Its crazy right? Where do I go for guidance in this situation? Then I remember or realized something.... God knew!
He knew what would happen and how it would happen and He planned it just this way! Does it make sense? Well not to me, and definitely not to some of my family members. But God does not have to show us everything in order for us to follow Him. He just asks us to step out in faith and trust that He has it all in control. Yes there are times I think, well I could just go on with this life I have now and finish helping my kids through school and then do "whatever" it is people do after their kids graduate.
However, I want my "whatever" to matter! I want it to make a difference in The Kingdom of God. Not necessarily what I want to do but what God has given me my talents for. It has taken me a lot of years to try and fit a mold that does not really fit me. I just came up with the realization this past week that God wants me to be a Mom! Just a Mom, that's it! He wants me to love on kids and share Him with them! Not a doctor or a teacher or a secretary or a computer person those are all noble fields but not everyone is called to fit those molds. My mold is to be a Mom to whatever kids walk into my life, for however long they need one, and I have been told I am pretty good at it. :) And I LOVE it!! Now if I could just get paid for it. That is the dilemma right there. How do you be a stay at home mom and adopt from China and put three kids through college on one income that is not as much as we need. Answer, I work. But the thing is I am not always great at "working" I work hard but I always feel something is missing. You know what it is? being the Mom I am suppose to be. It is a dilemma I have dealt with for years. How do I balance it?
If only we could all get paid to be a mom, for all the things we do for our kids, we would have what we need financially. You know mom's are technically, doctors, teachers, advocates,taxi drivers, scientists, maids, psychologists, dentists, shoppers, accountants, artists and boo boo fixers all rolled into one person. Imagine that pay!! LOL Its not really about the pay though its about molding our children into godly people. That is priceless! So I know what I want and what I am called to be...A MOM!! It just needs financial benefits. My hubby would agree with that 100% He wants me to stay at home but he also wants me to bring in an income. Juggling that is tough, oh did I mention, that is part of being a mom too? I just keep praying for God to show me what He wants me to do next. One step at a time to take care of my three children I have and the one He has promised me from China. I have been on my knees a lot lately about this. Would you pray with me? The bible says, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I will be also." I so want Him in the center of all these decisions and all this chaos. I want Him to be honored in what I say and how I act and how I bring up our children. He is my hope once again! Off to read my bible, I know there are answers in there. Some time tonight I MUST sleep tomorrow is busy! Thanks for listening my sweet friends!
Blessings, and prayers and Ladybugs in my dreams :)
Let me say this, I love my children dearly and I will miss each of them as they spread their wings and follow where God leads them. I know it is part of life and growing and changing so we can minister to others for the kingdom. However I do feel sometimes that there are parents out there who don't get my dilemma in this adoption thing. To tell you the truth I have argued this point with God a few times as well, when it comes to the adoption. My kids are almost grown. One in college, one about to be a Senior and one who will be a Junior. We are talking colleges and what to be and how to be it and how to accomplish things the last few years of High school so that they can choose the best school to go to that will help them develop their God given talents. And yet I want to, well this family AND God wants us to bring a new little life into the midst of this ever changing family. Alas to "start over again"! Its crazy right? Where do I go for guidance in this situation? Then I remember or realized something.... God knew!
He knew what would happen and how it would happen and He planned it just this way! Does it make sense? Well not to me, and definitely not to some of my family members. But God does not have to show us everything in order for us to follow Him. He just asks us to step out in faith and trust that He has it all in control. Yes there are times I think, well I could just go on with this life I have now and finish helping my kids through school and then do "whatever" it is people do after their kids graduate.
However, I want my "whatever" to matter! I want it to make a difference in The Kingdom of God. Not necessarily what I want to do but what God has given me my talents for. It has taken me a lot of years to try and fit a mold that does not really fit me. I just came up with the realization this past week that God wants me to be a Mom! Just a Mom, that's it! He wants me to love on kids and share Him with them! Not a doctor or a teacher or a secretary or a computer person those are all noble fields but not everyone is called to fit those molds. My mold is to be a Mom to whatever kids walk into my life, for however long they need one, and I have been told I am pretty good at it. :) And I LOVE it!! Now if I could just get paid for it. That is the dilemma right there. How do you be a stay at home mom and adopt from China and put three kids through college on one income that is not as much as we need. Answer, I work. But the thing is I am not always great at "working" I work hard but I always feel something is missing. You know what it is? being the Mom I am suppose to be. It is a dilemma I have dealt with for years. How do I balance it?
If only we could all get paid to be a mom, for all the things we do for our kids, we would have what we need financially. You know mom's are technically, doctors, teachers, advocates,taxi drivers, scientists, maids, psychologists, dentists, shoppers, accountants, artists and boo boo fixers all rolled into one person. Imagine that pay!! LOL Its not really about the pay though its about molding our children into godly people. That is priceless! So I know what I want and what I am called to be...A MOM!! It just needs financial benefits. My hubby would agree with that 100% He wants me to stay at home but he also wants me to bring in an income. Juggling that is tough, oh did I mention, that is part of being a mom too? I just keep praying for God to show me what He wants me to do next. One step at a time to take care of my three children I have and the one He has promised me from China. I have been on my knees a lot lately about this. Would you pray with me? The bible says, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I will be also." I so want Him in the center of all these decisions and all this chaos. I want Him to be honored in what I say and how I act and how I bring up our children. He is my hope once again! Off to read my bible, I know there are answers in there. Some time tonight I MUST sleep tomorrow is busy! Thanks for listening my sweet friends!
Blessings, and prayers and Ladybugs in my dreams :)
Reflection
Tonight as I sit here contemplating the day, I am due just a bit of reflection. I just got back from our kids annual band banquet for their school. Its a fun thing lots of pictures from the year, lots of awards tallied up, who got what scholarship to go to which college and the coveted Gold Shoe award! I love Marching Band! Always have, I was one of the band geeks in High school and am proud to say all of my kids are as well. From the oldest right down to our youngest, somehow God called them to be band geeks! :) They LOVE it! I say band geek in a most loving way. Its a group of its own. If you've been one you know what I mean. Others may NOT get you but at least your band friends do! It was a fun night indeed, both kids lettered again and are improving everyday.
Sis will be a Senior here in a few short weeks and again I will have to mull through the year without shedding tears in the middle of the day for no apparent reason other than I am losing one more child, one more moving away, one more who will not need me like they use to. One more grown up in our home. One less smile, one less giggle, one less to complain about home work or band work or its too hard or I'm too tired, One less. One less hug goodnight, one less I love you Mom have a good day in the morning, one less, going off to follow God's plan for her life in a year. I should be happy that all she has accomplished.
What happened to the little girl with no hair and the biggest smile you ever saw, just wanting to sit on my lap and have me hug her and read to her? She is now a remarkable godly young woman with all her hard work is coming to fruition, I am happy so happy and so proud, but my heart is sad when I think of her not warming the walls of our home everyday. I always wonder have I taught her all I need to? Can she fight off the evilness of this world and truly rely on our awesome God for all her needs? I pray so! So for now I am going to enjoy every laugh, giggle, tantrum, door slammed, rolled eye, sweet hug, butterfly kiss, oh and the laugh when she laughs so hard she falls out of her chair.
There are perks to her growing up as well. See my sweet girl is going to be a pastry chef when she graduates from culinary college. I still get a year of tasting all her sweet confections and having her test things out on me. That my friends is fun stuff! I will miss my Princess dearly. She is a remarkable sweet young lady! So enjoy with me her senior year but pray for me as my heart prepares for yet another sweet child grown into a godly adult to leave our home once again. For now she and her little brother are still my band geeks and I love them dearly!! Here are some "band geek" pics.
Sis Pre Game
Sis Band Camp
Sis and I Blue Valley Comp
Fall Guard "Gladiator" Sis is in the back on the right
Sis Winter Guard "Smile"
Tom Tom right before a game might I say he looks sharp for a band geek LOL
Plays Tuba now this was last year
Being silly with one of his friends who was cold. He tucked his head in his coat. Tommy could not resist the picture!
Warming up before a competition He is the second one from the left.
Trying to stay cool before a competition. They are always trying to do one or the other, if you look to his right on the ground is his uniform coat. Second from the front of the line on the far left.They are also stretching before they perform
So there are my sweet kiddo's tonight was a great night of reflection of the past year of "Gladiator" Its always a whirlwind while we are in the midst of the season but its nice to reflect on all their accomplishments!
I am off to bed my friends. The banquet was just the start of the weekend. Tomorrow I head down to SBU to get my college kid. He finished his freshman year today and tomorrow is graduation. So after he plays His tuba at graduation He is home for the summer!
OK so this one is from last year but I couldn't resist one of him too!
Anyway we will get him tomorrow and then I get to sing at church on Sunday with the choir and then our sweet pastors son who graduates next weekend is having his grad party that we were so kindly invited to. I count that a privilege. We have a big church so I feel very blessed to be able to go. Him and Vickie are great friends and sing in the choir at school together too. Yes she sings too!!! She has her Mom's musical gene! I guess for that matter they all do! :) OK off to bed its a long drive tomorrow!
Blessings, and some great music tonight!!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thankful
So first let me say thank you for letting me vent last time I blogged. Just so you know God did not leave me in "that place" for to long. He wants me whole and able to do good for the Kingdom so He only let me wander in that pit for so long. The next day were wonderful tidbits in His word. Now because I want you to know what an awesome God we serve, I am going to share the "tidbits" They are out of the book of John chapter 15 and on, I will not give you addresses so you'll have to look them up but they are great.
First let me back up just a wee bit (seems I do that a lot on here) So last time I was angry about people not understanding about this adoption and frustrated that maybe they thought I had forgotten about my blessings and they were upset about my parenting. Here is what God said to me...oh and the first name we have picked for our ladybug means "Our Father's Joy" so maybe that will shed some light on some of these passages as well. May His word speak to you as it did to me, especially to those of you who feel you have people in your lives who just don't "get" this whole adoption thing.
From John: Remain in me, and I will remain in you. Neither can you bear fruit (I interpret that as children in this case I know it means reaching out to the unsaved but for this He was meaning children to me in this case) unless you remain in me. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you...that you bear much fruit. As the Father has loved me so have I loved you, remain in my love.....I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete :)....I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.....you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you. That is why the world hates you... if they persecuted me they will persecute you also. They will treat you this way because of my name for they do not know the One who sent me......so that they may have full measure of my joy within them....protect them from the evil one. Sanctify them by truth, your word is truth!
Oh how I love how His word speaks to us! Such good things in there and let me tell you He healed my broken heart. He called us to this and chose us for this and appointed us for this so that HIS JOY may be in me. How sweet is that? He loves us so!! Thank you Father for your word! Your word is truth!!
Friends know that this adoption is a wedge of the whole picture of my life. There are times it just consumes my heart but I know what I have to do to not let it do that. I just lean on The One who knit me and my family with His own hands. Knit us together as a family to serve Him. Yes I have fully recovered from my rant last week. I just want to speak for those with no voice and honor The Father in the process. He is MY HOPE!
I am off to bed now, I have been ill all week but I didn't want you to think that God just left me like that. Oh no! If you know our awe-inspiring, mountain moving God, you KNOW He could NOT leave me like that! Praying I get better tomorrow, my college boy is coming home this weekend for the summer. The house will be full again!!!....well not completely :) but we're working on that. ;)
Blessings and Ladybugs :)
First let me back up just a wee bit (seems I do that a lot on here) So last time I was angry about people not understanding about this adoption and frustrated that maybe they thought I had forgotten about my blessings and they were upset about my parenting. Here is what God said to me...oh and the first name we have picked for our ladybug means "Our Father's Joy" so maybe that will shed some light on some of these passages as well. May His word speak to you as it did to me, especially to those of you who feel you have people in your lives who just don't "get" this whole adoption thing.
From John: Remain in me, and I will remain in you. Neither can you bear fruit (I interpret that as children in this case I know it means reaching out to the unsaved but for this He was meaning children to me in this case) unless you remain in me. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you...that you bear much fruit. As the Father has loved me so have I loved you, remain in my love.....I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete :)....I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.....you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you. That is why the world hates you... if they persecuted me they will persecute you also. They will treat you this way because of my name for they do not know the One who sent me......so that they may have full measure of my joy within them....protect them from the evil one. Sanctify them by truth, your word is truth!
Oh how I love how His word speaks to us! Such good things in there and let me tell you He healed my broken heart. He called us to this and chose us for this and appointed us for this so that HIS JOY may be in me. How sweet is that? He loves us so!! Thank you Father for your word! Your word is truth!!
Friends know that this adoption is a wedge of the whole picture of my life. There are times it just consumes my heart but I know what I have to do to not let it do that. I just lean on The One who knit me and my family with His own hands. Knit us together as a family to serve Him. Yes I have fully recovered from my rant last week. I just want to speak for those with no voice and honor The Father in the process. He is MY HOPE!
I am off to bed now, I have been ill all week but I didn't want you to think that God just left me like that. Oh no! If you know our awe-inspiring, mountain moving God, you KNOW He could NOT leave me like that! Praying I get better tomorrow, my college boy is coming home this weekend for the summer. The house will be full again!!!....well not completely :) but we're working on that. ;)
Blessings and Ladybugs :)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Emotional
Let me just start this with a I need to vent sort of thing. Yes I am a believer and yes God blesses me daily. However, just because I am a believer does not mean that I don't have rotten days or even weeks. You know those weeks when it comes to your attention that people don't believe in what your doing? Or that what your doing never seems good enough. Ever had those weeks? I have had one this week! Let me tell you it brings me to tears. I want to be a good witness for those who don't believe, well even for those who do, but sometimes I am weak. The good thing is because I am weak, HE IS STRONG!! Thank you Jesus!! That's His way of saying lean on Me. I have this all under control. Let me see if I can explain vaguely. (This could get long hang with me please).
See I have these three great kids whom I adore! I was blessed with them at a very young age. I was not completely prepared to be a Mom to them, like I would be now for our China girl. But our God has plans that we do not always "get". Sometimes that is best though. I am sure if I would have known all the things I would have went through so young I would have ran the other way. Unfortunately I am still dealing with some of them still after all these years.
My husband is my very best friend! We have grown up together (literally) and we have grown with our three kiddo's as well. There have been those throughout the years who have totally disagreed with the things we have done in our lives and with our children. I always wonder how do you handle a situation like that? I am very kind and very loving and would never try to say something to someone that would hurt them, not intentionally anyway. So how is it that people think they can "judge" my parenting skills or things I choose for my kids and things I say no to. There are life lessons in our "No's" sometimes they just need to learn through experience. You know what I mean? God teaches us sometimes through example and sometime through just letting us go through the fire, to be more like Him. There are times that I want more for my kids, but when I sit back and ask them, are they happy? do they have all the "NEED"? (key word there, kids always want more than they have) They say Yes! I have to say I feel like they have gotten things through their childhood that I never did. So that is a blessing to me and I feel I am doing something right anyway.
My kids are my world! If anyone really knows me, they know that about me! I would jump off a cliff to keep them from suffering. I would stand in harms way anytime day or night to make sure they are safe. So I guess that is why it hurts so much when people question your parenting. Am I the best parent in the world? NO WAY. Do I parent as best as I can? I do believe so. I have some wonderful examples around me that help me to do that. They help in love, and kindness and forgiveness and the most important quality those people have are unconditional LOVE and trust! Thank you for that. You may not know who you are but you have given me such wonderful ways and examples to teach my children to grow up in the ways of The Lord. Tell me do I have misbehaving, disrespecting, ungodly, mean hearted children? I don't believe so. They are all very loving and kind and very forgiving people. I have taught them three things above everything else and I do believe they are the core for them being great kids. 1. Love The Lord above everything and everyone, 2. Love others unconditionally like you want to be loved. 3. Help others no matter how uncomfortable it may seem. I do believe LOVE is the key.....wait I am pretty sure that is what Jesus is about. Love! Unconditional, unbelievable LOVE!!
In the end I want my legacy to be that I loved like Jesus loves me and that I passed that on to others. My children, ALL my children especially, whether by blood or not. Those children whose life I may have touched in some small way, I pray sweet ones I loved you like my own! I just want to honor The One who made me the person I am. He knit me together with His own hands and has a plan for me.
Please forgive me if I have sound like all I care about is this adoption. It is not! Oh how my heart yearns for her to be part of our forever family, but know that I am completely aware of the blessings that wake up every morning in my home (and at college, love ya Ernie!) I have a calling on my life..WE have a calling on our lives to adopt! I will NOT deny what God has called me to do. Nor will I turn from it. The consequences would be heartbreaking. Do we have the perfect family in the worlds eyes? Nope! But I am not trying to please the world. I only want to please The One who sent me! Lord here am I, send me!! May you continued to be honored here!
See I have these three great kids whom I adore! I was blessed with them at a very young age. I was not completely prepared to be a Mom to them, like I would be now for our China girl. But our God has plans that we do not always "get". Sometimes that is best though. I am sure if I would have known all the things I would have went through so young I would have ran the other way. Unfortunately I am still dealing with some of them still after all these years.
My husband is my very best friend! We have grown up together (literally) and we have grown with our three kiddo's as well. There have been those throughout the years who have totally disagreed with the things we have done in our lives and with our children. I always wonder how do you handle a situation like that? I am very kind and very loving and would never try to say something to someone that would hurt them, not intentionally anyway. So how is it that people think they can "judge" my parenting skills or things I choose for my kids and things I say no to. There are life lessons in our "No's" sometimes they just need to learn through experience. You know what I mean? God teaches us sometimes through example and sometime through just letting us go through the fire, to be more like Him. There are times that I want more for my kids, but when I sit back and ask them, are they happy? do they have all the "NEED"? (key word there, kids always want more than they have) They say Yes! I have to say I feel like they have gotten things through their childhood that I never did. So that is a blessing to me and I feel I am doing something right anyway.
My kids are my world! If anyone really knows me, they know that about me! I would jump off a cliff to keep them from suffering. I would stand in harms way anytime day or night to make sure they are safe. So I guess that is why it hurts so much when people question your parenting. Am I the best parent in the world? NO WAY. Do I parent as best as I can? I do believe so. I have some wonderful examples around me that help me to do that. They help in love, and kindness and forgiveness and the most important quality those people have are unconditional LOVE and trust! Thank you for that. You may not know who you are but you have given me such wonderful ways and examples to teach my children to grow up in the ways of The Lord. Tell me do I have misbehaving, disrespecting, ungodly, mean hearted children? I don't believe so. They are all very loving and kind and very forgiving people. I have taught them three things above everything else and I do believe they are the core for them being great kids. 1. Love The Lord above everything and everyone, 2. Love others unconditionally like you want to be loved. 3. Help others no matter how uncomfortable it may seem. I do believe LOVE is the key.....wait I am pretty sure that is what Jesus is about. Love! Unconditional, unbelievable LOVE!!
In the end I want my legacy to be that I loved like Jesus loves me and that I passed that on to others. My children, ALL my children especially, whether by blood or not. Those children whose life I may have touched in some small way, I pray sweet ones I loved you like my own! I just want to honor The One who made me the person I am. He knit me together with His own hands and has a plan for me.
Please forgive me if I have sound like all I care about is this adoption. It is not! Oh how my heart yearns for her to be part of our forever family, but know that I am completely aware of the blessings that wake up every morning in my home (and at college, love ya Ernie!) I have a calling on my life..WE have a calling on our lives to adopt! I will NOT deny what God has called me to do. Nor will I turn from it. The consequences would be heartbreaking. Do we have the perfect family in the worlds eyes? Nope! But I am not trying to please the world. I only want to please The One who sent me! Lord here am I, send me!! May you continued to be honored here!
Our three blessings
Being goofy!
My best friend...always!
Being Goofy...see where they get it!
Thank you Lord for the blessings you pour out on us daily. Those from the past and those coming in the future. Please heal my emotionally hurt heart and let me remember Your promises and that Your mercy is new everyday! Your will is what we want for our lives, not what others want but what You want! May we honor You and serve You with all You have given us, no matter what form that may come in. In the end we cannot take "things" with us. We will stand before You and hear what You think of us. The words I long to hear from You on judgement day are these (right from Scripture) "Well done, you were a good and faithful servant." May I always be FAITHFUL to You alone!
Look forward to hearing your comments on this particular blog. May The Lord bless you and provide the desires of your heart and His.
Blessings, lots of love, and tons and tons of Ladybugs
Monday, May 10, 2010
Memorial Box Monday
Here it is what you've been waiting on! Memorial Box Monday!
My bloggy friend Linny over at A place called Simplicty came up with this idea to collect a box and add things into when God blesses you. That way when you are in a valley you will have something to remember all the wonderful things God has done in your life. She explains it perfectly here.
So I have not went out and officially gotten a Memorial Box yet. I am still looking for the right one. As I fill that one up I will go find another "right one" You have to admit we are forgetful people so we need to be reminded of the wonderful things He does for us.So I thought of what the very first thing I would put in my box. Remember these things should be somewhat small so that they will fit in a box. The Box can be any design you choose or any size you want. I am thinking of those really cool wooden boxes you find at a craft store. I think those would work wonderful.
I think the first thing I would put into our box would have to be a set of headphones a small little set that maybe goes to an ipod or something. The day God told me to adopt from China I was listening to Dr. Dobson on Focus on The Family when I heard Him speak to me. I was wearing a set of headphones listening to the radio. When I popped them off there was no one around. So I will put the headphones inside my Memorial box. As I go through each Monday I am sure there will be other things I will think to add from the past but for now this is what I will add.
You can start your own Memorial Box Monday as well. Read Linny's link and grab her pic to add to your blog and just share with everyone. Every Monday on her page she has Memorial Box Monday and we all can share our stories there, as well as on your own blog. SO welcome to Memorial Box Monday!!
Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you to give you hope and a future.
Blessings and Ladybugs :)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mothers Day...early
Well we celebrated part of Mother's day a day early. On Friday Ernie decided he wanted to come home and spend the weekend with me. (What a sweetie don't ya think?) No coaxing or anything he just called last week and asked me if I could come down and get him so he could spend the weekend home. Well of course I said yes! His car is here still being worked on so he has to wait to drive it. For now when he wants to come home I drive the two hours down to get him. Which also means a return trip on Sunday afternoon, hence celebrating early. Two hours down also means two more hours back home. It gets to be a tiring day when we do that. Church first, lunch and then head back down to SBU. By the time we get home we are ready to just relax and get ready for work on Monday.
The day started off to be a normal Saturday. Bud went to bible study and let me sleep in (thanks honey!). Then we got going for the day. About 30 minutes away there is a place called City Market and it really is just what the title says. Its in the middle of the City and lots of vendors from around the area bring their fresh fruits and veggies and flowers down to sell. I LOVE it! Love looking around at all the wonderful things God has grown on their farms and in their gardens. Depending on what time of year it is, depends on what goodies you can buy. Today was mostly herbs and flowers. There were some fruits but it is still early in the season around here for that quite yet.
The day started off to be a normal Saturday. Bud went to bible study and let me sleep in (thanks honey!). Then we got going for the day. About 30 minutes away there is a place called City Market and it really is just what the title says. Its in the middle of the City and lots of vendors from around the area bring their fresh fruits and veggies and flowers down to sell. I LOVE it! Love looking around at all the wonderful things God has grown on their farms and in their gardens. Depending on what time of year it is, depends on what goodies you can buy. Today was mostly herbs and flowers. There were some fruits but it is still early in the season around here for that quite yet.
Let me back up just a bit. We planted our own garden about a month ago, however some things are just not coming up. It rained for quite a bit and the weather got cool. Not freezing just really cool. I think it might have shocked some of our tender veggies. Bud was out to replace just a few of those today. So we headed down to City market. The kids love going down there as much as I do. All the different little stores of different ethnicity as well as the vendors pulled up under the awnings unloading their goodies. It is a wondrous sight. So today we picked and chose some herb plants and a few veggie plants. Not to many but a few. Then we went into the Italian deli. The kids got a sample of real Italian cheese and also some gellato. Listened to some music from a guy playing a saxophone. (my instrument in high school :) ) and just enjoyed the atmosphere. We headed to this one little flower shop that had fresh Jasmine growing. Oh how I wanted to get that plant and bring it home. Then I turned around and Bud said, "Look what I found. Do you like this?
Is that a ladybug I see? Of course I like it! It is a watering can. He asked if I wanted it and I really contemplated it but knew we were saving. I just looked up at the Heavens and said "Thank you God!" And went about what I was doing. I leaned over and smelled that Jasmine again and turned the corner of this little area and spotted this.
How cute is that?? Then I shrieked and laughed at God just showing off again! He is good isn't He?
We finished out our little trip there loaded the van up and headed towards home. I asked Bud if he would stop at a couple places because I was looking for a Memory Box so I could start my Memory Box Monday's. I promise to blog about that really soon. Its such a wonderful concept. So we stopped at Hobby Lobby and guess what I saw there?
Showing off again!! So sweet for Him to love on me! I also found some more of those little Ladybug Magnets like Tommy surprised me with. I think God was just reminding me that even though she is not here home with us. He has not forgotten the desire of my heart. Thank You Lord for taking the time to love on me. You truly know me better than I know myself. What a sweet reminder on this Mother's day to remind me of His plans for us. So wherever you may be with your own adoption or even in your own relationship with your Mom. Know that God knows the desires of your hearts and blesses you with whomever He puts in your life to be that "mom figure" for you.
It was a good day! A good day indeed! I will stop by my own sweet Mommas house tomorrow to love on her and tell her how thankful I am that God sent her to be my Mom. She isn't always in the best of health but I am thankful for each day that she is still with us. I love to hear her laugh at my silly kids and know that they bring her joy! I just continue to pray that she will be with us to meet her other granddaughter when she comes home from China one day. Go hug your Moms and thank God for each minute you get to spend with them. Because you never know when they will go home to Jesus. I am thankful I still have one parent here on earth with me and am also thankful that My Dad and Jesus are watching over our sweet Ladybug till He deems it time to send her down here and bring her to her forever family! Happy Mother's day to all the Mom's out there!!
Blessings and Ladybugs!! :)
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares The Lord. "Plans to prosper and not to harm you. To give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Loving My Kids
It has been a very busy week for me so I am just now getting a chance to put an update on here. I have to admit I think I have caught the "blog bug" I find myself just going to check on some of my favorite blogs and get hooked into reading other peoples adoption stories. They just intrigue me. They bring me joy, and a little fear and a big dose of God's love! I am HOOKED! So I have decided to blog more often. Two reasons, first this blog is not just about the adoption but about my family, and two, it will make my posts much shorter lol :).
First thing this week was our Preschool end of the year program. I teach 2 1/2 year olds along with my good buddy Jennifer (Hey Jennifer!) at my church. I love them to pieces they are adorable. Do they try me? Yes, but it reminds me of how God loves us, so I love them as He would, with all my heart. You have to admit when there are 10 of them and 2 of you it can get a bit crazy sometimes..and tons of fun too!! They are just adorable with their little hands and little arms that wrap tight around your neck and just hang on. PURE JOY!! So Tuesday we had our program and the kids got up in "big church" as we call it, and sang to their Mommies and Daddies, as loud and as sweet as their little voices could carry. It was ADORABLE!! They were all dressed up and singing praises to our God. Can you imagine all those kiddo's singing "Jesus Loves Me" and If Your Happy and You know it" And then a few others and a memory verse. It was all our 2's could handle. It reminded me of us, singing with all our might to our Loving God, do you sing like our 2's did? Like no one is in the room? As beautiful as you can? If so I can imagine the joy on His face is ten time better than all those parents out there listening to their kiddos sing. It was a marvelous night!!
First thing this week was our Preschool end of the year program. I teach 2 1/2 year olds along with my good buddy Jennifer (Hey Jennifer!) at my church. I love them to pieces they are adorable. Do they try me? Yes, but it reminds me of how God loves us, so I love them as He would, with all my heart. You have to admit when there are 10 of them and 2 of you it can get a bit crazy sometimes..and tons of fun too!! They are just adorable with their little hands and little arms that wrap tight around your neck and just hang on. PURE JOY!! So Tuesday we had our program and the kids got up in "big church" as we call it, and sang to their Mommies and Daddies, as loud and as sweet as their little voices could carry. It was ADORABLE!! They were all dressed up and singing praises to our God. Can you imagine all those kiddo's singing "Jesus Loves Me" and If Your Happy and You know it" And then a few others and a memory verse. It was all our 2's could handle. It reminded me of us, singing with all our might to our Loving God, do you sing like our 2's did? Like no one is in the room? As beautiful as you can? If so I can imagine the joy on His face is ten time better than all those parents out there listening to their kiddos sing. It was a marvelous night!!
So my own kids are growing like weeds around here. Its hard to believe that school is almost out. Where did the time go? Here is my college son and me at Christmas
Then my crazy girl who is just too adorable what can I say she has always been able to make me smile silly
Then our Funny guy who I swear would be a comedian if I let him. No Tom Tom you are going to college to be....well whatever God wants you to be
They bring me so much joy and I am so thankful to be their Mom. I need to remember all the wonderful things God has given me when I get discouraged and wonder what is next? When will all this happen and why can't we do it now??? All I know is His plans are better than mine and I will cling to Him and allow Him to work in me so that whatever He is doing in me can be made complete in Christ Jesus! So when the time is right and all things are in place, remembering He has had this planned before time began then it will be time to go forward and make our dreams come true of our Ladybug!
So with Mother's day just a few days away I am thankful for my "FOUR" kids yes three are here but there is one growing in my heart everyday. And for my Savior for planting that seed so many years ago, praying He just keeps watering it to fruition!
Love and Blessings and tons of Ladybugs!!
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart! ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)