This Adoption journey just keeps getting better

For those of you just joining us. Let me tell you our story rather quickly. We are a family of 5 almost 6 that God set us on this journey called adoption 11 years ago now! We watched and waited and prayed and watched some more as we began to fall more in love with those sweet Asian faces with the almond shaped eyes. There is a lot to all those years of waiting but just know God prepared us in every single way possible to begin the journey we are on now. He built up our faith SO strong that when He finally said "GO" this past summer we did not hesitate one bit! There have been some road blocks along the way even since He said "GO" but we just kept trusting Him to get us through. Some were to the point of "this journey may not be seen till through the end" BUT GOD! Oh when those words appear in scripture you know big things are going to happen!! 

We trusted and we watched Him show off time and time again!! When others said: 

"you aren't worthy enough,"

"this will not happen,"

"be prepared for a no"

"are you sure you really want to do this?"

"I just don't understand why you are doing this."

"aren't you too old?"

"it's really expensive."

"you already have kids"

and the list goes on.... we said God called us to this! Told us with His own voice and reaffirmed it over and over again for 10 years, THIS is exactly what we are supposed to be doing! But still the hurdles came and the mountains looked steep from where we were. We just kept knocking on those doors and jumping hurdles and asking God to move the mountains if this was His Will. Time after time He did just that!! Do we still have a ways to go? Why Yes! But do we trust Him with everything He has called us too? ABSOLUTELY! This journey was never about us or even or sweetheart waiting for her family. Oh we like to think it is, but it is NOT! It is about our faith and our walk and the greatness and powerfulness of a call on our lives. IT is and always will BE about HIM!!! So as another No gets put into a YES in His book we praise Him once again!!

Today after waiting a mere 30 days, others just prior to us have waited 60-90+ days we were told YES!! All of our paperwork went to USCIS (United States Citizen and Immigration Services) to see whether we were a worthy family to adopt an international child. Let me tell you, our past is not perfect in the worlds eyes. We fought tooth and nail to be honest and try and divulge everything we could. There was one thing forgotten and finding that out before we got all the way to immigration both freed us and frightened us. Because that forgetting could have been our NO! And that NO could have been the end to our journey. Sounds simple to fix but it is NOT when you are looked at with a fine tooth comb through a looking glass. Again we are SO thankful that God's answer continues to be YES!

There is always extra paperwork to send to backup what the mistake was. I was tired of paperwork, tired of being exposed, tired of all the judgement. BUT I would do whatever it took to bring our daughter home. So we asked God that if it was His will, that this process go fast and we would loved to be approved and would LOVE not to have to send MORE paperwork in to explain even more of what they already had in our packet. My Spirit was calm as I prayed but as the wait got closer to a possible time that our file would be assigned to an officer I began to doubt. I became afraid and began to worry. Just this morning I asked God to forgive me for all that and He reassured me with one of my favorite bible verses! Jeremiah 29:11 our adoption verse I like to call it!

I had peace after that. It was like He just smiled GREAT BIG at me! I finished up my quiet time and went about my day. Bud had just got home from work and we were talking. I got a ping on my phone that I had an email. Earlier in the morning every ping made me nervous, but this one I didn't think anything about. I hit the button and there in my inbox was the words NBC HAGUE (the dept that handles adoptions for immigration) I clicked on it without even thinking and these words appeared.....Good morning. Your file was approved yesterday!! Have a great day!!! YESTERDAY!! WHAT!!! I expected, "Your file has not been assigned an officer yet, or we need more paperwork or blah blah blah blah blah, but the words APPROVED totally did not register. It took me a whole second to start screaming my husbands name!! He was 5 feet away from me not even kidding! I just kept repeating his name in this sing son voice over and over again!! Ok maybe I was screaming with excitement! He comes over and says what? I said LOOK!!!! And began to JUMP up and DOWN laughing and praising Our GOOD GOD who always has a YES when we follow His plans!! I have been on cloud 9 all day long! It was not just a, "this MIGHT be something you will have a yes on in the FUTURE." It was an ABSOLUTE YES you ARE qualified and you ARE worthy to be a parent to an international adopted child! We just kept praying that their Yes would line up with God's YES and the two collided today!!!! 

We are so thankful that His plans are far greater than our plans! We know what Satan intended for evil, God intended for good!! We will trust Him on this journey as we are one step closer to our baby girl!! This is a huge leap forward and in a matter of weeks our dossier will be ready to send to Ch*na! But that my friends is another blog!! Please continue to pray for our family and for our little girl. She has had a few of her friends adopted in the last few months and I am sure she might be wondering where her family is. We still have tons of funds to raise so stay tuned for fundraisers and ways you can help us bring her home! We are so thankful for each of you following along and praying for us on this journey and for those who have truly stepped up and are walking this journey with us!! It is not easy but it'll all be worth it when we get to hold our sweetheart in our arms and tell her how Jesus got her home!! We love you Ladybug!! Momma and Daddy are coming just hold on!! Please continue to follow along as we give God all the praise and glory and watch this journey unfold. All for Your Glory Lord!! All for Your Glory!!

Lots of love and Ladybugs :)

Updates galore!

Hello friends!
Thanks for sticking with us. Is there maybe 2 or 3 out there still following along? If not I will just keep this going to document our journey. First and foremost so thankful God is in control of this crazy journey of life. He sure knows how to throw in the twists and turns. We just hang on for dear life and watch Him work!

We have gotten 2 updates on our little Ladybug since last time I blogged. One right before Valentines day saying she was doing well and has only grown a smidgen. She is definitely our littlest so far!

We finished up our Home study and began working on some fundraisers and then it was time to ask for a cake to be sent to Abby for her 2nd birthday! Now for those of you who do not know, when you ask for a cake to be sent you do not get to choose the cake. You are just very grateful that they get them a cake. We have an amazing contact lady through our agency that does a beautiful job getting packages to our sweetheart. This is our first one sent. We simply just asked for a cake. They send normally 5 pics back to you from the party, we got 15! Yes we were in heaven watching our youngest enjoy cake! And she LOVED it! Not even exaggerating! We giggled at the size of the cake compared to her!

 It is so very pretty. They have a way of making cakes there that just stun you! I think it is the prettiest toddler birthday cake I have ever seen! I do not know what it says on top. Maybe Happy birthday and her Ch*nese name. But here is the picture we just giggled at....

It is bigger than she is! Not even kidding! But the girl loves that cake and put it away! Course she shared with her friends too!

Love how she is licking her fork. Take a look at that plate. She had a pretty good size piece when she started. I think Vickie might have to have her as her taste tester when she gets home! We truly enjoyed celebrating in this manner. We also celebrated here at home, praying that she knew she was loved!

We cannot wait for her next birthday to celebrate all together! We are crazy about our little sweetheart! We have been asking God to protect her and prepare her for our family and also asking for a little bit of joy in these updates. 

Our family has been through some tough changes the last few months. One son is off to start his career and calling on his life. It has been a very tough few months but we are so proud of him!!! Very thankful that God is protecting him in this endeavor. I would love to share with all of you about this but for his safety I cannot do that here. Just please pray for our youngest and his new journey. If you knew what he was doing you would be just as proud of him as we are! 

So as our family adjusts to changes we began more paperwork for the adoption. We have sent off our I800A which is asking our government for permission to find our family suitable to adopt our sweetheart. We would love your prayers in this part of the journey. This is a lot of waiting and praying in this stage on our part. We want them to approve us and we want them to do it quickly because there are always deadlines looming. An important one is coming up for us. Please keep our family in your prayers. In the mean time we are gathering our last bit of paperwork (Thank you JESUS! Feels as if we have been paper pregnant FOREVER.) to complete our Dossier (the 13 pieces of very important paper that will be sent to Ch*na to capture exactly what our family looks like) as we wait on the I800A approval. Stay tuned this ride just keeps going! 

While we wait, it was time to ask for another update on our sweetheart since that one back in February. So while sending off our I800A we also asked our agency to update us on how our Ladybug was doing! They are great about doing this. They got in touch with her SWI (Social Welfare Institution) or you would call it her orphanage, to answer another round of questions from her family! I love asking these questions because they give us insight into her daily life and her personality. So we began the wait for a response. YES more than half of the adoption you spend waiting on one thing our another. These waits are normally pretty good. They did not disappoint! This time 2 more pics and a video!!! We were so excited about the video! But the pics stole our heart!

Here she is working a puzzle. We got video of this and let me tell you what. this girl is SO smart!! They keep telling us she is just the sweetest little thing. I see glimpses of that here and there. But this, this right here did me in!

This is the first time we have seen her smile! Oh how it melts my heart! I just get giddy every time I look at it! Our prayers have been answered in this one single picture of our little Ladybug! She is still the tiniest thing but oh how we are crazy about her!! Asking God to do mighty things to get her home and then through her life! Praying we are worthy enough to be her parents! 

List of prayer requests for us:

Please pray for our family if we come to mind. 

Pray for Abby and her heart to be prepared for us. 

Pray for Tommy and his safety on the journey God has him on. 

Pray that the I800A approval goes smooth and quickly

Pray that God will continue to show up and show off in every area of this adoption and our lives!!

Pray for His continued provision through out this journey. (there is a link to our gofundme page on the side of this blog if you feel led to share with anyone)

Pray that we will not loose sight of His face during all of this.

Thank you for following along with us on this journey (if you are still with us thank you SO much). I promise to update more often! We love that you are watching God unfold His plan for us. His ways are not our ways and His ways are better than we could every hope for our imagine!

Trusting the One who is writing this story!

Lots of love and Ladybugs :)

We have a daughter! Part 2

After getting our girls file in our email and waiting patiently for Bud to get home, we opened up what would change our lives!

We began looking over her file and talking and praying. Our girl was in jeopardy of her file being sent back to Ch*na so we needed to make a decision on all this information given whether God was telling us she was ours or not. The file could be sent back any day and without putting it on hold or locking it in there may be no way to find her again. So we took the weekend, seemed like a very long weekend to me, to decide. At first we discussed in full but then we just needed time on our own and then together and then again on our own to see what God was saying. By Sunday night I was sure she was ours. My beloved however needed more time. He left for work Sunday afternoon and my heart was heavy. I just pleaded with God to speak to his heart and make it clear what His Will was. I truly felt the spiritual battle going on in my heart. Bud promised to pray and just seek what it was the Lord was telling him. I gave him the time needed.

Monday morning rolled around and I needed to get some professionals to take a look at her file. I needed to know what we would be dealing with if/when she was ours. So I got on the phone to specialists and then close friends who had friends with medical knowledge. The weird thing was I didn't care to much about what they said in making this decision. I knew in my heart she was ours. I did care however for their opinion on how we would take care of her when we got home. People always told me that once you know the child is yours, the special need won't matter, and won't be what you see. They were right!!

I got a few answers from some medical personnel, but the info I needed from our local children's hospital was not forthcoming quickly. We knew we were in a time crunch to decide but we were trusting God in all this. Bud was still undecided, lots of things on his heart. By Tuesday morning I just said "Honey what is God telling you?" He asked what it took to lock her file in, I said we needed to decide first if she was ours! That was his way of saying, "Honey I think she is ours." So we called our agency and said please put her on hold while we gather (even more) paperwork for her LOI (Letter of Intent) to adopt her. The clock began to tick quickly we had 72 hours to be sure AND to gather all this paperwork.

Being that we are towards the end of our Home Study there was a few things left to do that we hadn't done yet because of timing. But now all of a sudden those things needed to be done within 72 hours. One place we needed copies of something, their computers were down. Then we called our dr's to see if we could get our medical's and found out (without a prior letter from them) that the practice had disbursed! Just as we thought "OK, maybe she isn't ours" our agency called and said that since we were healthy adults that we just needed a letter signed saying that and could get the medical later, as well as a letter to replace the one needed from the place that the computers were down. Just like that God made the impossible POSSIBLE! Oh how he loves us! I stayed up till late that night filling out these pages of paperwork in order NOT to loose our daughter. Sent them to our Case Worker and fell into bed tired but at peace. I would have to wait till the next morning to see if I had done it right!

Email in my inbox Wednesday morning said "We have sent off your LOI for this sweet little girl" now to wait for PA (pre-approval) from Ch*na saying it was OK to move forward with this adoption and that yes indeed she was our girl! Agency said 2 weeks, so we settled in! We weren't in a hurry but knew waiting was just part of this whole thing. You always seem to hurry and wait. We had another Home Study visit the following Wednesday and spoke with our Social Worker about the waiting. She had recently adopted and said it took the full two weeks to get her PA back, and not to be anxious. I thanked her for her knowledge and her help along the way! We truly are blessed with an amazing Agency and Social Worker for our Home Study! Many of you who have adopted in our area have had the same Social Worker so you know what I mean! She is simply heaven sent! Grateful for her!

The following day I was at a sweet friends house doing what I love to do every week, and Bud was at work driving his long drive home. He happened to call me and asked if I had gotten an email. I said "No, should I've?" He said "You better check your email then call me back." I said "OK? is everything alright?" He said "Just go check!" So I hung up but before I could get to the email I had a voice mail. I clicked on the voice mail and the sweetest voice on the other end of the line said words that would change my life forever and bring me to my knees in tears and praise! My caseworker said "Hi Tammy I just wanted to let you know we have received your PA from Ch*na!! Congratulations you have a daughter!!

I was in tears, I could NOT stop crying! I had prayed for this day for 10 years and just like that they said YES! We knew God had already said Yes but we had to get through her country's list of qualifications! I called Bud (still in tears) he couldn't read his email because he was driving. So of course when he answered he was concerned. He asked, "What happened? Is everything ok?" with anxiety in his voice I could tell he was concerned. I mustered the words through tears and sobs "We have PA!" and the reaction from my husband was priceless! His step of faith just one week prior allowing God to do whatever it was He asked of us, came back with a "THANK YOU JESUS" from my husbands lips as loud as he could! He was so happy and giddy and just kept repeating those words. See what happens when you follow His will! He was not able to be home that night but we celebrated with joy here and Chinese food!!

So without further anticipation and with much joy, may I introduce you to the newest member of our family! Waiting for us to finish all this paperwork and to bring her home!! Our second daughter and our fourth child......Our Ladybug Abigail Hannah.......

 Abby!!!!

The journey has only begun! Please join us in celebrating our good God and all He has planned for us! Praise Him with us for our littlest sweetheart!! We are smitten! We have found out she LOVES music and is very shy and quiet. Once she gets to know you they tell us she is a happy girl. She loves it when people smile and doesn't like it when people are serious! I can live with that! We are a pretty happy family! Sounds to me like she is going to fit right in!!! And Abby makes 6 Tatertots!!! We would love it if you would walk this journey with us! Oh what great things The Lord has planned! Don't miss it!! 

Totally blessed and feeling very thankful!

Lots of love and Ladybugs :)

The Journey Begins!!!!!!!

Boy have I been waiting to say that for a LONG time!

I can announce with such joy and happiness that our adoption journey has begun! I have been praying and asking God for a long time to open doors and show us His Will to lead us down His path! He never ceases to amaze me! Things didn't go as we thought they should in the beginning because...well God didn't want us to go that way. So after prayer and much investigation we have followed His path and are moving full steam ahead with this adoption!!

I love that after 10 years of waiting and praying and watching. God picks the perfect time to say "Go"! This journey will not be without turmoil or frustration. But I know that the end will far outweigh everything we will face in the journey! We literally will hold His promises in our arms! To say we are excited is an understatement! We are over the moon!!

Our application has been sent in, a few fee's have been paid. We have done some preliminary paperwork and it gives us great joy to share with you an adoption term we have learned over the years because now our Homestudy begins! We are.....

which simply means we will begin gathering all the paperwork necessary (and its a LOT) to bring our daughter home to her forever family! God has not revealed who she is to us yet but we will be sure to share that with you as soon as we are able to. There are rules and all! But we are so giddy rules aren't bothering us at all! So come along with us on our journey to bring home our Ladybug!! We are in love with her already and do not even know her yet!! So thankful again for God's timing! Pay attention you never know what He may be asking you to do! No matter what it is just "Do Something!"

Join us on our journey as "baby" makes 6!

Lots of Love and Ladybugs!! :)

The Tarter Family! 

Teresa Bartlinski; What I learned from a Princess!!!

Teresa Bartlinski is a little heart warrior Angel adopted by the Bartlinski family. If you are on adoption blogs, or heart blogs I am sure you have heard of sweet little Teresa. Teresa's diagnosis in the orphanage was terminal. This sweet little one was born with "half a heart". Without proper care in the orphanage she should not have lived. BUT GOD, (don't you love it in the Bible when it says "but God? means He has more planned) had a wonderful plan for sweet little Teresa "Fang Fang". She was in Half the Sky orphanage and they were taking wonderful care of her but they could not give her the care she needed. All Teresa ever asked for was a family of her own, and she was determined and strong willed enough to fight to get that family. Half way across the world, the Bartlinski's heard of Teresa's plight, and was drawn to her. They prayed and asked for guidance, but all the guidance they needed was placed in their hearts by God. They knew little "Fang Fang" was to be their daughter. They were warned that she may not even make the flight home, her situation was so dire. However, those people did not know little Teresa the Princess Heart Warrior! She fought and she made it home with her forever family! Did I mention Teresa has 8 brothers and sisters?! 4 of which were special needs adoptions from China as well. Boy did she have a beautiful family waiting on her!! They all loved her very much! She fought through lots of surgeries and her  health issues were worse than they knew. Not only did Teresa need a new heart, but new lungs as well. A transplant would be critical, but dr's were afraid her little body could not handle a double transplant of both lungs and heart. One day last month God did a miracle in sweet little Teresa!

Her lungs somehow healed enough to be able to have the single transplant of her new little heart! Teresa was excited! She and her family took her packed bags and headed off to the hospital!

Teresa's whole life was a miracle and now they were asking God to do another miracle. Sweet little Teresa needed to have this heart work. 

But that wasn't the case, her "hero heart" was rejected. But Teresa fought on! She was bleeding and needed transfusions and her little chest cavity was just too small. The doctors decided that since her body had rejected this heart that she needed to be added to the top of the donor list again. In the mean time she needed to have her "hero heart" removed and put in the artificial berlin heart. Her Mommy's blog really tells this whole story in detail about all the fighting she did and how strong willed Teresa was. Here you can read the complete story. Her blog is Our Place Called Home. People all over the world prayed for Teresa last Monday when the berlin heart was being transplanted. We knew this could be it, exactly what she needed! Teresa was a Princess! Wore her Princess Teresa crown and ball gowns everywhere! So that day we all changed our profile pictures to something with Teresa on it, or something like this

to let her family know we were all praying and we wouldn't stop fighting for our little Princess and her heart!

Our sweet little Teresa fought and fought but her little body just could not handle it anymore. Teresa rode her  Princess bike without oxygen into the arms of Jesus on July 1, 2013 at 3:23 pm. Oh but she loved her Jesus! She knew Him and had accepted Him into her heart and life when she was just four years old! So Teresa had much joy knowing she would meet her Jesus one day! That day came sooner than anyone wanted. We know that she is safe and secure in His arms and that brings everyone comfort!

Now let me tell you what Teresa has done in my heart! I prayed for this little one for so long and asked others to pray for her as well. I knew she was a fighter! I never met her personally and don't know her parents but through her Mommy's blog and her video's and stories of Teresa I fell in love with her! Never have I prayed so drastically for someone I didn't know or hadn't met. I just felt God moving saying, keep praying! So I did! I am also a member of a group on Facebook that asked for prayers for this sweet one. I have to tell you I just watched God do some amazing things through this little one! Over 5,000 people were praying for her all over the world! Only God can use an orphan to bring together SO many people. It did not matter race, or religion or nationality, we just all prayed! And when Ann told us that Teresa went home to be with Jesus, I cried! My heart was broken. How could someone so little I have never known get into my heart like that? Only through our Jesus! She also put an urgency on my heart about our own adoption. Life is too short, kids need families. Some kids are in dire situations and need us to help them get the medical attention they so desperately need! We cannot stand by and let these children die when sometimes simple medical care is all they need. Won't you join us in advocating for these sweet ones?! Every child deserves a forever family just ask Teresa Bartlinski! See how much her family made a difference in her life, and even more important how much she made a difference in theirs! Imagine what she is doing for the Kingdom! Teresa we "Won't forget about you" sweet one! We love you MORE!!! Your whole life was a miracle!! 

In loving memory of Teresa Bartlinski the Little Princess Warrior who now resides with our King!

Lots of love and Ladybugs :)

While In The Waiting

I guess I have been absent for awhile! Well I am back and instead of catching you up I am just going to go forward. I have decided that I need to put down what God has been telling my heart before I forget. Because we are a very forgetful people. He blesses us, we praise Him, then we forget! We have this awesome God who takes care of all our needs but when we get into this mess of "life", we forget what He has brought us through. So I am going to try and blog as much as possible because I do NOT want to forget His goodness!

The hubby and I are moving in a direction that we truly see God's hand in. He has brought us through some things these past few months that we have been fighting our whole marriage. Just junk, you know the kind, the stuff you THINK you are stuck with. He just got a hold of us and said, it's time to let me have it and move forward in a positive way. Oh how HE loves us!! It's not an easy journey but its one that needed to be done. Is any journey worth doing, easy? It is preparing us for MUCH bigger things!! :)

As you all know we sponsor this sweet little girl Hope at An Orphan's Wish that we are just crazy about. Every time we get an update our hearts soar. We continue to pray that she will find her forever family and that her life in the orphanage will end with a beautiful family to love her. That has been our prayer through everything she has gone through. She is sure growing beautiful!

I had just read an update to my hubby and showed him her updated photo's late one Saturday night and he smiled sweetly at her in that fatherly kind of way, and said she is adorable. The next morning while standing in church our pastor had mentioned that if anyone felt a burden or needed to pray about something to just come down front to one of our pastors. We began to sing our worship music and my family really loves to worship, but something wasn't right with the hubby. He just stood there kind of still and wasn't singing a word. He whispered something in my ear that I could barely hear. He said I think we need to pray for Hope. I said sure but we always pray for Hope. He said "I know just pray with me." Which he is pretty quiet about his prayer life, not one to just bust that out. So him, our daughter and I stood right there by our seats and prayed. But the words he prayed were not just any words. They were direct words from God. Now we are continuing to pray to see where this leads. But the hubby didn't even remember praying these words. Our daughter and I heard them clearly. He prayed, "Lord, I want to pray for Hope, that you would find her family and bring her home to them, I know in my heart that she is our daughter ( my ears perked WAY up and I began to weep) Lord we ask that you move whatever obstacles that may be in the way so that one day we may adopt her...and his prayer went on, he asked in the mighty name of Jesus and we closed the prayer. But he was NOT done! He felt such a burden that he went down front and prayed with one of our pastors. Now you have to know something. He is a quiet man about these sort of things, we talk privately and when he needs to share in Sunday School he does, but he is not one to share something like this unless he is sure! I was so emotionally excited that he got a word from God. He went down front and the pastor he prayed with actually is an adoptive dad himself. Only God friends only God!! They prayed for Hope and all that may entail. God is SO good! We do not know God's plan, but we don't have too. We just have to listen and follow it when he reveals each step.

Adoption has been burdening me a lot lately. The horrible news that came out of Russia broke my heart! So I have felt this urgency, about so many things about adoption. Ever since my hubby heard from God, I have been bombarded once again with things about adoption and so has he. This time feels different. After the storm we have been through and coming out with God's help this feels different. I am praying daily for wisdom to seek His will. That is what we want HIS will. It has been HUGE things everyday for the past two weeks. From people that you would not expect the word "adoption" to come out of their mouths. It makes my laugh out loud at God, going look I can use those people too! He is SO good. Now we have not began anything and Hope is not even up for adoption. But I know my God can and will do what it takes to fulfill His plans. So would you pray for us? That we would just be open to His voice, that He would make things crystal clear as to what we are supposed to do. That whatever He asks, we will step out in faith without hesitation? We will be praying these things as well. I don't know where we are headed, I do know if God is going, we are going with Him!! One step at a time, one foot in front of the other!

Please pray for us and as our story unfolds, we will share what God is doing!

Lots of love and Ladybugs! :)

Wait

I ran across this about 2 years ago, 6 years after God prompted us to adopt. It still fits to this day. Still Waiting on Your direction Lord. Through the years I have been watching His plans unfold. Things that weren't possible at the start of this calling are now become clearly possible now. So I wait on His timing, most of the time very painfully I wait, but none the less, it is after all HIS plan! This fits anyone but it spoke volumes to my heart about our adoption journey. For you though, it could be about whatever struggle He is taking you through, just remember He see's the WHOLE picture. This is by Russell Kelfer.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longly I cried,

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate...

and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait?, You say Wait?" my indignant reply,

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know, why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

My future and all to which I relate,

hangs in the balance and you ask me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.

"You promise, dear Lord, that if I believe,

We need, but ask, and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate,

as my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

and grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting.....for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine....

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun,

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you see and pleased you would be,

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint,

You'd not know the power I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in me, 

When darkness and silence are all that you see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love,

When the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give and I save, as a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask,

From an Infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My Grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent my child, and in time you will see,

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still, Wait."

Blessings and Ladybugs :)

Back in the swing of things

Ok I confess, I have been a horrible blogger lately. Time just gets away from me and I am exhausted some days. I am going to try and publish once a week as an update if anything else for awhile.

On the home front, our sweet daughter graduated in May, boy was that a crazy time. Lots of joy and lots of friends stopping by to say their "good-bye's", "I love-you's" and "Wish you well's" I will try and post some pics of the graduate soon. It was emotional for me. We are close, very close, and the thought of another one of my sweet one's heading off into this big world, worried me. She won't be going to far though, only about 45 minutes away. College is doable by staying home and commuting. She will be attending The Art Institute and Majoring in Baking and Pastry. Sounds yummy huh? Can't wait to be her gunniea pig lol!! No honest she is an awesome baker and does lovely work already. This will just make her even better!! So excited for her!!

Our oldest son has moved out on his own this weekend actually. He is NOT staying close however, a 2.5 hr drive away. He promises to stay in touch and keep his worried Momma in the loop. He'll be close to school and close to friends and he is happy and excited. I am sure I will be on my knee's quite often for him! Life is tough this world can be tough, so I am just praying that God will guide each step and that He will be honored in that. After all Ernie belongs to Him anyway, right?

Tommy is doing good. He is officially a Senior now! (see why all the emotions, lots of changes really quick!) He and his sister are at Youth camp this week and I am sure I will hear tons of stories when they return (my fav part!) I also pray they fall deeper in love with Jesus! Tommy has hurt his foot and has been in a walking boot for a few weeks, and in a few more weeks will require surgery. So if you could, remember to pray for our sweet kiddo and this surgery. He is a bit worried. He has been through more invasive surgeries when he was little, but he does not remember those. He has been at band camp the past few weeks and has one more week of it when he returns from Youth camp. I just ask myself where does the time go??!! Really??!!

My hubby is doing great, working tons but he loves the second job! We are doing all we can to get ahead and plan for this adoption! I don't think my heart could take a home without children in it for very long.

 My job is going well too. I just love the kids so much!! I have had to take some time of this past week because of an injury but its healing nicely (finally!) and I will be back to work tomorrow!! God has been so good to us and we are so thankful for His provisions and love! There have been days when I have been an emotional wreck for one reason or another, but he is unwavering in His love for me! So thankful that He never changes!! I was thinking today as Ernie left, and my heart was aching,....is this what God felt when He sent Jesus to be with us?? The heartache knowing the life He would lead, but the joy in the ending? I know life will be hard at times for Ernie, if it isn't he isn't walking with Jesus. I know Satan leaves us alone if we are complacent and life seems easy, but as soon as we are all in it for Jesus, life can get difficult at times. So I have comfort today, knowing that maybe God felt a little of what my heart feels for my son, when He sent His Son to pay the ultimate price for our sin. Thank you Lord for loving me that much!! There is good news in our family as well, cannot wait to share but I haven't quite been given permission to do that yet, but as soon as I can I will!!! God is SOOOOO good!! Did I mention I love sweet little ones?! Thank you Lord for the blessings of children! My own, and others as well!!

Love and Ladybugs!!

Depraved Indifference

I have been so moved by the cause of the orphan. Sometimes I cannot put it into words what my heart feels and how it aches to help the fatherless and the abandoned of this world. These are the least of these and we are told whatever we do for them we do for our Father in Heaven. I don't know about you but I am willing to do ALL I can for Him and His kingdom. Ask yourself this, Do you care like God cares for  the least of these? Are you moved to make a difference for the kingdom? Are you burdened for the things that break Our Father's Heart? Lets not suffer from Depraved Indifference anymore. Please watch this video and ask God to move on your heart. Please leave a comment and tell me if or how this video affected you. I can tell you this, God is breaking my heart and this video is forever embedded in it. I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what GOD has called me to do myself (Josh Wilson) I refuse NOT to move!! Will you move too? For Jesus? Please leave a comment below

Love and Ladybugs :)

Being Real

This adoption subject stirs something in me as a mom that I need to clear up. Maybe its the protection part of me, maybe its not I am not sure but I feel like God is leading me to be real and be clear. 


First way back in 2004 I was going along, raising my kids, who at the time were 10,11 and 13. (Yes that makes them 20,18 and 16 now) when I was completely excited about my friends who were adopting. It was sweet and a great thing but it was not for me. I was the mom of 3 busy kids who could no longer have anymore of our own because of the harm it would bring to myself. I was completely ok with that, we were done having kids. I had come to grips with that a long time before that. Know this though I have always LOVED kids, and been involved in all kinds of organizations that involve kids. It's where my heart is. Well God had plans I never knew about and He was about to start revealing those plans to me. So as I watched one friend struggle through the waiting to bring her daughter home from China, I began to pray for her and her family, and God stirred something inside my heart. 


As I watched and waited for the two of my sweet friends who went to China together and finally got to bring home their daughters I was so excited and praising God for walking with them during all this. See this is not a story of us wanting more children or trying to do something because someone else was, this is a story of faith, and obedience. God was calling us to something and we had better start listening. Have you ever been in a situation that you knew God was calling you to and you thought it was crazy? Well that's how I thought. I even argued with Him about it, yes I did, I am ashamed to admit that, but I did. The thing is the more I tried to ignore Him, the louder He became, till He literally spoke to my stubborn head one day sitting at work. I swore I heard someone talking to me and I had headphones on listening to Focus on The Family. I pulled off the headphones and looked around my area and no one was talking, just working like crazy on their computers, just like I was. And then all the hair on my entire body stood up as I finally understood, the voice was God, and He said CHINA!! Now how ya gonna walk away from that and ignore Him anymore? So I prayed! I talked to my husband and prayed some more. I told God that if He wanted us to do this then He was gonna have to lay it on my husbands heart as well. And that is exactly what He did.


Now years have passed and I have wondered if I was crazy back then, but God has been preparing me, my heart, my family, my husband, and I pray those around me. See He was unfolding His plans for me, just like those in the bible He had plans for. He took His time till all I could think of and all I wanted to do was to help the orphans who didn't have families. It is a constant burden on my heart and I cry daily about it. Have you ever felt such passion for something, but it let up? Or maybe it didn't and you followed where it went. Well that's what we are FINALLY doing. Following where God is leading us. We did not ask for this, but God is calling us to do it. Am I the perfect person to do this? No way! I have so much sin and so much to work on in my life to be able to do this perfectly. Understand this though, God is NOT calling me to do this perfectly. He is asking us to trust Him! Follow Him and trust Him!! Here is the real thing He is revealing to us. Our one weakness (and some of you who know us, know what that is) He is using to make us strong. Everyone of has a weakness and just like Moses, God can use that weakness for His glory. I do believe that is exactly what He is doing. Can you imagine as believers if we came to Him after we had all our "stuff" cleaned up, what we would've looked like? If we had it all together, why would we need Him? I promise you right here, I am far from having it all together, and I need my Savior, my Jesus to clean me up daily. Some things He doesn't have to do that for but the one thing I struggle with, that right there, keeps me on my knees praying and needing Him ALWAYS!! 


Now I am not asking you to adopt, although there are 143 million orphans who need loving families to raise them. I am not even asking you to understand this completely, heaven knows I don't always understand. What I am asking is that you approach us delicately about this. This is our hearts desire. These children (how ever many God has waiting for us) are our children! They have been before time began. I do want to throw this out there for you. If you're children were abandoned and alone no matter where they were, wouldn't you do all in your power and that of heaven to bring them safely where they belong, HOME?! That is all we are doing. We love these children, we cannot help it. They are part of our daily conversations and part of our prayers and our lives. I will defend them in a heart beat just like if someone did something to our almost grown kiddo's. We are their parents! Its just a matter of getting them here. Know I say this with the deepest love. This is God's calling on our lives, He has called us to defend the cause of the orphans, He has also called you to do the same. It is scripturally mandated, as believers we are called to help them. So that is what I am asking you to do, help the orphans. If you know someone who is adopting, :-) PRAY for them, this is a struggle the enemy does not want us to win. And then come along side them however you can, whether its donating to a fundraiser or sponsoring an orphan or just doing all you can for their plight. It all makes a difference! So if you have questions for us, please be kind in asking them, we will do our best to answer them. International adoption is hard! Its tedious and time consuming and heart wrenching. I have watched a number of friends go up and down on this roller coaster and my heart breaks for them and then is joyful for them when God takes care of all the hearts desire. Please come along side us however you can. If you have adopted internationally and you have advice for us, please, please share it with us! We would love to hear your story! Remember God has called us to this, its a calling, we must follow or lose out on a wonderful blessing! One question I get sometimes is  this? Why China? Well thats where our daughters are thats why! If God would have called us to New York thats where we would have went, but He has called us to China! Please remember to pray for all of our family, big ones and little ones. God hears the prayers of His people. Won't you  join us on this crazy roller coaster adventure of adoption??? Our daughters are waiting............







Love and Ladybugs!

Quick update

First this is a test, trying to blog from my phone. Its so busy around here, don't get time to get on the computer. Note to self, must invest in small laptop, someday :-)

Secondly, After a day of prayer and fasting, thanks to my sweet friend Linny, over at A Place Called Simplicity. Her link is on my sidebar! God has spoken to our hearts to move forward with the adoption!!!!! Yippee Jesus! Now we've taken a small step and God has confirmed it, now asking for the next step, and praying He guides each step, so that we're in His will! Please keep praying friends. We are walking in faith and uncharted territory for us. Thankful its not for Him! :-) He is definitely at work in our lives and we are praising Him! Join us on our crazy journey won't ya?!

Love, blessings, and Ladybugs!!!!
Tammy :-)

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Rambling and Emotions

Its been an emotional week for me. I am not sure why but finally on Wednesday I just broke down crying for what seemed like hours. Ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders? Ever feel like everything is coming to a head at once? That was me this week. I keep thinking God I know You're in this, please remind me of it when I forget. Life can sometimes snowball and that is when I need Him to help me focus completely on Him alone.

In case you don't know me, I will give you a wee bit of insight. I love my family more than anything in the world except Jesus Himself. I count it a privilege to be a Mom and wife to a loving family. Even when things get bad, and they do sometimes, get bad. My family loves each other deeply! They are just there for each other and that is SO comforting, and SO from God. My husband told me the other day (amongst my tears, because every now and then ya just need a really good cry!) "I am the glue that holds this family together." I never thought of myself as that. I just do what I have to do and do my best to honor God in all of that. So whatever gave him that idea is not who I try to be, I just try to be a godly example. SO in reality it is God who is the glue that holds this family together, because HE holds me together. 

My family will also tell you that I can be a bit over organized (hey there are a lot of us in this house) and I can be a bit obsessive/compulsive when it comes to cleaning. (Probably hinders from my childhood, but that is a whole other blog!!) So for the most part I am easy going, loving and forgiving. However, there are those rare moments after the house is sparkly clean, laundry is done and everything seems "just perfect" and you just want to soak it in for a bit. (come on its hard work to keep all that going, schedules, cleaning, cooking, shopping, bills, running the household and working) so that is what I do bask in it for just a bit. Like ahh the world is right for just a bit. Then five minutes later someone comes in with their snow filled shoes and mud and salt and throws their coat down and stuff everywhere and I lose all sense of who I am for about 10 seconds and freak!! Am I the only one who has worked hard to have their home cleaned and this happens just a few short moments afterwards?? So I turn into this person I do not know and think after the craziness wears off, "Where did that come from?" that is my ugly, sinful self and I HATE it!! My family probably thinks the same thing :-) then God gets a hold of me and reminds me of the sin and how He cleansed me for just a time as this. 

See when we think we are all perfect and things are going right that is when our sin pops in kinda sneaky like. Although I am pretty humble I don't think I can ever recall a perfect day, there is always something nagging at me that I have done wrong. Again God will remind me of His perfectness and sacrifice and that I have been forgiven for all that already to just be happy where I am. There are times that I can see Him in everything when I am not looking. Then there are times when I desperately NEED to see Him and I can't, guess those are the times when He is holding me and I am looking far beyond that to find Him.

So all this leads me to this past week. I had cleaned, got emotional. Some financial issues happened out of my control, I was feeling unworthy of a lot of things, and really useless in lots of areas, and then all that piled on with all the feelings about the adoption and my cry fest began. And my sweet loving husband said something in the midst of all this that made me sob more. Don't get me wrong he wasn't trying to make things worse or make me cry more. But his words pierced my heart. I have really hung on to them and asked God for clear direction in them, one so I can not be a blubbering mess of tears and two so that those words won't hurt next time he says them, because they were never meant to hurt. See after all these years of praying for our Asian princess, there really has never been a doubt once we understood where God was leading us, about this adoption. Now the when has always been the hard part. So over the years I made myself aware of all things involving Chinese adoptions. The more years that have passed the more things I have researched, even when God said waiting children was the way to go, it did not detour me.

 My hubby has always just sat back and watched and laughed and listened and frowned here and there but never ever really got to emotional about it all. I know his heart when it comes to this because we have had deep conversations about how life will change and what to expect and loving more kids. All those topics handled. Even when God said Special needs (again by Chinese standards) we didn't miss a beat, we just researched to prepare for whatever need it was that we would be willing to handle with His help. Then we found out that some of the things that we have already handled in our own lives and our children's lives would be special needs in China. For instance when I was born I had strabismus, three surgeries later and you cannot tell my eyes were ever crossed or that I wore glasses the whole time growing up. Although now I wear them to read but that has nothing to do with my childhood disease. Another example, our oldest has ADD, and yet another is our youngest who has had the hardest disease and yet was the one I handle with ease and protect like a Momma bear protects her cubs, his is called Hirschsprungs disease. 3 MAJOR surgeries later and lots of other lessons learned (and still learning) He is a normal teen (for the most part) but I do believe now looking back, God has prepared me for the next season of life from all these lessons. You see to me they aren't really special needs they are just what makes us different or unique or special in everyone's hearts. Our son almost died because of his disease, if it would have went on to much longer and I am talking days here, he would not have made it through. God saved him, for us, to be his parents and to tell him how very special he is to us and to HIM! I believe He will do that again with our Asian princess or that He is doing it right now. I know Philippians 4:13 has been lived out through our lives. No matter what happens when He is with us we can handle it! That leads me back to my hubby's statement. He said to me amongst all this worrying of mine and tears. "I am tired of waiting, I want my daughters home, lets do something to get this moving." He was very firm in this and has NEVER said that in almost 7 years. My heart was happy and yet it broke into pieces. There are things that we still have to do in order to begin, and we have been so distracted lately with other things, things that HAVE to be taken care of NOW, that this just seemed overwhelming to me. It also made me realize that he loves our ladybugs as much as I do and he was not shy about telling me right then.

So the last couple days I have been slowly digging myself out not only of the 12+ inches of snow around here but emotionally digging myself out. I guess the only place to go now is up! God has a lot left to do in me for this adoption and in life but I am willing. Just show me the steps Father. Won't you pray for us to know what to do and where to go? Money is a BIG thing right now, not just for the adoption but for life's curve balls we have been getting lately. We really need some direction from God. I am being real here and sharing my heart which is not always easy, only because we could really use your prayers.

We know God is in all of this! Jeremiah 29:11 Philippians 4:13 thanks for listening to my rambles and allowing me to share my heart. Have a blessed day!

Trust

Hello there! Sorry I have been away, we have been trying to adjust to all these new things happening in our lives. Sadly none are adoption related as of yet. God keeps reminding me...DAILY...to trust Him in this. TRUST...think about that word for a minute. What does that mean to you?

Recently I was truly blessed by a wonderful friend, and by God's grace I was able to take our daughter to Women of Faith last month. I had not been in years but I had prayed for a long time for God to show me when was the right time to take my teen daughter (who is almost an adult) to WOF. Everytime I would go and return in the past, she would be at the doorstep awaiting my return asking lots of questions. So interested and yet I knew some of the topics expressed were to grown-up for her little mind to understand. This year I knew was probably the right time to take her, but with the move and Mom moving in, money was not available for us to go. Our God had other plans, through one of my sweet friends, and a now a new friend, we were able to get free tickets, through a promotion the two were working with through WOF. Never expected it and boy were we surprised!! We spent the weekend being loved on by both these women, plus old friends I hadn't seen in awhile. Not to mention all the speakers and staff at WOF. What a wondeful weekend of praise, worship and utter love for our King. But the trust thing came up. Indeed did it come up!

Sheila Walsh (whom I love) asked us a simple question that brought me to tears and to my knees. She asked this, Do you trust God? Do I trust God? Course my first answer was, "Well of course I trust Him. Why wouldn't I?" Then His spirit spoke to me as Sheila went on to ask the question deeper. Do you really trust Him? with everything? or is there things you have to handle on your own? Do you trust Him deeply? Completely? Or are there things that you KNOW you can trust Him with and just leave it at that, or do you pour your heart out to the One who saved you, knowing He truly knows what your hiding? It hit me like a ton of bricks. No Father I do not trust You with everything. But Why not? Why wouldn't I? Sheila went on to explain it could come from past issues that were really hurtful to us personally, making it harder to completely trust anyone, especially God. I thought about this and again began to weep. He spoke to me again. I know what you've went through, I was there with you. TRUST ME!

The little things, I trust Him with. Why NOT the big things? Why do I get so down and sad when things take a turn for the worst? He is still God and has not changed since day one. He still loves me just as much today as yesterday, if not more. He still has a plan for us. I know the answer to that now. I don't trust Him...enough! I dream enough and I pray enough?, I just don't trust Him enough because I am afraid. Afraid of being hurt again, afraid of being completely alone and abandoned by those who love me. Afraid that when I mess up (which I will) someone will stop loving me and will brush me aside, again. Afraid I am not important enough, or loving enough, or perfect enough. Ya know what God has revealed to me since WOF? I am not any of those things to this world, but to my Heavenly Father. I am ALL those things and more! He loves me enough and cries with me enough and is making me whole in Him. I have to let go of the past hurts that people have done and trust my Father in heaven to take care of me and heal my broken heart. He also revealed to me that all those things I feel, the orphans, OUR children waiting for us, they feel the exact same way as well. What an amazing God we serve. What do I do in the mean time?

Well I have been letting things go that would make me crazy and trusting Him to handle them. I have been researching more about the adoption (possibly of two, still praying) and being proactive about things. Is it easy? NO WAY! Am I still afraid? Yes some, but I am much better about things. He is still working it won't happen over night. The hardest trust issue I still have is the adoption. We have been praying for so long and hurting for our daughter(s?) that its hard to see past today. Will it ever happen? Yes I believe it will, the "when" has always been up to Him. But ya know what I am gonna start trusting Him with all those details. Hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year! He is faithful!!! Scripture helps,prayer helps, praising Him helps and love from my friends and family helps tremendously. Most important His daily reminders( I just got one from my daughter just now! She sent me a pic of two little ladybug magnets that one of our secretary's and friends at school have on her desk, she just happened to be in the office and thought I needed that right now! :) ) that He knows our hearts and this is the plan He has called us too, and that He is walking with us through all this. He has not left us nor forsasken us! So little by little I will trust Him and Him alone in His plans whether its one sweet ladybug or ten, I will trust Him!!! Course He'll have to convice the hubby of that ten number LOL!!! I will just continue to hold on to the scriptures, words in songs and the love He so lavishly pours out on me!


Scripture:
"I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me." Phil 4:13

"Whatever you ask in prayer believeing you shall receive." Matthew 21:22

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for a certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

"I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." Isaiah 43:5

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will reveive the crown of life that God has promise to those who love him." James 1:12

And these Lyrics:

Savior He can move the mountains, My God is mighty to Save He is mighty to Save!

So remember Your people, remember Your Children, remember Your promise, Oh God!

Jesus you know just how far the east is from the west.

I will serve You while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting.

I will walk by Faith even when I cannot see, because this broken road prepares Your will for me!

And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own!

Thank you Lord Jesus, Thank you!

Blessings and Love!

P.S. If you want to read more about what Sheila said about trust, she has a great book out called "When a woman trusts God." Run and get it!! :)