Saturday, August 22, 2009

This New Normal

Today is the first Saturday after school starting and I am sitting here in the quiet. There is a new "normal" in the house and I am still not sure how to deal with it. This week has been so busy that now in the quiet I am really feeling this new "normal" I know my heart is not suppose to be sad, God has a beautiful plan and He is unfolding it before our eyes, yet I long for a laugh, a hug and an I love you from my son. He has been so busy that he hasn't called much. I knew to expect that but still feels weird. The week went fine, but today, today when he is normally here, hanging out with us or doing family stuff, today is when its hard. I have a hundred things to do but yet I find myself just sitting here missing him. The night time is hard too, right before bed, I find myself going down to say good night and he is not there, so I text him. Don't always get a response which makes it a little unnerving but I know he is safe. He has made some new friends, and had some laughs, and even already yes had some disappointments, I reassured him of Jeremiah 29:11. God new this would come, and He already had something else in mind for him and it will be fine. I so wanted to hug him and protect him, but it is just the beginning of life's disappointments, that is why our hope is in The Lord! He is the only one who can bring us peace and the beauty that He has for us!! So for this week, I am sad, tears come and go, and I often just need his hugs. And I wonder since he loves to hug SO much, he always has, I think he came out of the womb huggging, will someone hug him? He so thrives on affection. It fuels him. So I just pray that The Lord will wrap him close and hug him when he needs it. Thank you Lord for this new "normal" please guard each of our steps so that we reflect you. I know it's hard but I am holding you to your promise, both for him and for me. You will never leave us nor forsake us! Thank you for Ernie and all the blessings you have for him and for him to share with others. Please protect my son like you protected yours. In my Saviors name I ask these things!! Love you!! Love Ernie and I thank you for all you are!! Wipe my tears, and his if he has any. Still getting use to this weird new "normal" I know hundreds of moms all over the world are experiencing the same thing, so why do I feel so alone? I just think of him laughing on the phone the other night and I know he is where he should be. That is my reassurance and the joy that God brings to my heart. He is serving Him and loving every minute of it, just like I knew he would!