Wait

I ran across this about 2 years ago, 6 years after God prompted us to adopt. It still fits to this day. Still Waiting on Your direction Lord. Through the years I have been watching His plans unfold. Things that weren't possible at the start of this calling are now become clearly possible now. So I wait on His timing, most of the time very painfully I wait, but none the less, it is after all HIS plan! This fits anyone but it spoke volumes to my heart about our adoption journey. For you though, it could be about whatever struggle He is taking you through, just remember He see's the WHOLE picture. This is by Russell Kelfer.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longly I cried,

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate...

and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait?, You say Wait?" my indignant reply,

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know, why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

My future and all to which I relate,

hangs in the balance and you ask me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.

"You promise, dear Lord, that if I believe,

We need, but ask, and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate,

as my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

and grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting.....for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine....

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun,

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you see and pleased you would be,

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint,

You'd not know the power I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in me, 

When darkness and silence are all that you see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love,

When the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give and I save, as a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask,

From an Infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My Grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent my child, and in time you will see,

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still, Wait."

Blessings and Ladybugs :)

The One Post I Promised

To all my local bloggy friends, here is a Christmas blessing for you! I wish I could have ALL my bloggy friends come along but alas I know that it would be some tough travel for one night of worship! So let me pass on this blessing to everyone who can take a break out of their busy schedule who can sit back and worship and sing along with us at our church. THIS is one of the highlights of the season for our church. We have a pretty good size sanctuary that seats probably 500. The past years have gotten so much of an awesome (God) response that our sweet Music Pastor has decided to add yet another performance to our schedule which makes it 5 all together!! Isn't God great?! I have had the honor of participating in this for the last 3 years and was not sure I was going to be able to do it this year after my surgery, but our God is gracious!! So that is exactly what I am doing! Thank you Father for the blessing of my voice and Your healing hands on me! May I honor you with the voice and the breath you gave me during this season of worship. May You be glorified and honored in all we do at FIRST!! Here it is...........FIRST CHRISTMAS 2011!! Please come and join us!!

Blessings and Ladybugs!! And Happy Thanksgiving and a very Merry "Christ"mas season!! Love to you all!!

Being Still

Lots of times in my life I just can't figure things out. But in the last 10 years or so, I have learned to take those times to pray and be still! God has a great race for us, we just have to be all in it for Him. That is so hard sometimes! This world tries to take over and distract us, we however, must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Otherwise we will loose Hope! Speaking of Hope! She is doing wonderful! She has had surgeries to correct her health issue and is thriving and walking now! We are so glad to be a part of her life and watch her grow. As  Sponsors it just touches our hearts to see the progress he has made since arriving at AOW! What a beautiful thing God is doing in her life! We just continue to wait and Be still to see what plans He has for her! We must continue to have hope in all that we do, it is there that we find Jesus walking beside us!

Isn't she a darling?! Love this girl!

God is up to something in my life, some recent changes remind me of that.I do not like change! It shakes me to my core! Makes me worry and fret and wonder what I could have done different to keep it from happening. There have been times though that change is good and makes me stronger. I always see that on the other side of it though. Hey I am only human! Its those tough changes that you don't ask for that just gets thrown in your lap that are hard to deal with. They make you second guess your choices and sometimes who you are. That is when I have to go back and be still and see where God is taking me. It is scary! I have been through so much in my life that change makes me uncertain and a real fear creeps in. I just have to remember God is in control, and HE has my best interest at heart. What can I do anyway that is not under His watchful eye? He loves me enough to protect me and to send people to comfort me and build me up and remind me He has this planned before time began. That is with everything, my kids, my hubby, my family, and even this adoption journey. Keeps me going back to Jeremiah 29:11! LOVE that verse!!

My hubby and I with our Son
on Senior night

God does bring me joy in the waiting! Oh how I love His joy! This past Thursday my hubby and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary! Now just a bit of background on us, we were YOUNG when we got married. I don't recommend that with everyone. But just let me remind you, God has a plan. He will fulfill that plan in spite of your circumstances. I have loved that man of mine that God gave me, every single minute I have spent with him! I cannot imagine another man more perfect that fits so well with me! We have looked back over our lives and seen times when God almost brought us together before we actually met, and it just makes us smile at His perfect timing! I bragged on my hubby in my last post so I will not do that here, but just will say, I love him with an eternal love, that I know HAS to come from God. So I am blessed and thankful that we have spent 22+ years together and God allowed us to be Man and Wife! We have great kids and we adore each other. That is such a blessing! After all this time I am still crazy and madly in love with the man I married, and I am honored that he calls me his bride!! Such JOY!!!

Blessings and ladybugs!

P.S. Promise to post about First Christmas in just a few days! So excited!!

Thankful

 Hi there everyone! I know its been awhile so I am not even going to try and catch up, just maybe a quick one but other than that just moving forward! What have we been up to? Loads, but like I said a quick update! I have thought about this post for awhile. I have even thought of shutting my blog down for multiple reasons, 1 does anyone really read this or is it me just typing away to myself, and 2 some have posted some things on here that hurt me and although I am weary of that person reading my blog because I cannot stop that, I can however screen their comments, so that is what I have chosen to do. So those of you who do comment ever so sweetly thank you so much and please do not be offended by me looking over the comments first. I don't want anything on here that will hinder the purpose of this blog. That is why I decided to keep blogging. This blog is set up to honor God and share my faith and family and our adoption journey whenever it begins. I will not let that be hindered. OK enough about all that. Here is my post! :-)

 My kids are great! I though to myself today will ever stop calling them "kids" especially now that 2 are out doing their own thing and our youngest will graduate soon. Ernie is doing well, hard to keep up with him sometimes. Guess that's what life is like when you have an adult child. I do get random calls asking Mom questions, which really just make me laugh and remind me, there are times he still needs his mom, not always, but sometimes. Vickie is doing great as well, quite the little pastry student I might say! She always looks so cute when she leaves for class all dressed up in her chef uniform! I still look back and think "WOW that's my little girl all grown up into a beautifully talented young lady chasing her dreams!" I am so proud of her!!

 Tommy has had some set backs lately. Mostly because of his surgeries on his foot. Yes I said surgeries, plural! The boy had the first one taken care of and it SEEMED to be going alright, but, being Tommy he has to do things his way. He got a staph infection in the surgical site! So another surgery had to be done. And that was a huge setback for his senior year. Things he wanted to do he couldn't and was limited to. He is just struggling with it all. He is still under a dr's care for his foot. It is healing and he is able to finally use a regular shoe after 4 months but the incision sites are being monitored very carefully. He is on antibiotics still but its healing well. The kid is a riot on anesthesia, too funny! AND he remembers none of it, so of course we had to tease him. I love that boy so much and I am thankful God is taking care of him. He is making me worry about his future plans, I will not reveal those till he decides for sure, lets just say, my Mamma's heart will be praying constantly for him. He got some of his Senior stuff yesterday and was so excited. Just a reminder that my job as mom is ever changing. I know to be happy about it but I am sad as well. My life has been surrounded by sounds of children, then teens wandering my house. Now it will be empty and quiet. So I have slowly started to make the transition. I have found a new appreciation for my husband!

So let me tell you a little bit about my husband. He is my best friend, My soulmate, my confidant, my sounding board, my safe place. He loves me in spite of myself and my weaknesses. I do not know anyone who loves me more, or the way he does. I honestly in my entire life have never had someone love me unconditionally like he does, other than Jesus himself! So I am just gonna brag on my husband a bit. Some of you may know him, some may not. He is a wonderful person. He loves Jesus, his family, others and then himself. He will go out of his way to help anyone at anytime with anything he is capable of. I believe that is his spiritual gift. He has a servants heart. And he loves affection! A hug from his family, a pat on the back from his friends, or a hand shake. Those fill his love tank! The guy is amazing and I don't tell him enough. I am not sure he'll read this anyway but I am gonna say it. If it weren't for him I would not be the person I am today. Here is one reason why I love this guy!

Recently I had major surgery and he never left my side! Took 2 days off from work to stay with me at the hospital. He took care of me at home. I was on lots of restrictions, could barely sit up and he came over and put his arms around me and lifted me up to where I could sit up on the side of the bed. I had some set backs but he was there every step of the way. Since I was in bed for so long and off work he had to take care of EVERYTHING. Kids schedules, housework, grocery shopping (with coupons, which he hates to do) cooking, cleaning and not to mention going to work and doing his own crazy schedules as well. And during all that taking Tommy to the dr's to have his check-ups on his foot. He became both Mom and Dad for awhile.As soon as I was able to try and move and help he made me go back to bed and in his words "You just get better it takes time." I am doing much better and have taken most of the burden back on my own. There are still things I cannot do which makes me NUTS! I hate having to wait on someone to help me do things. For instance no lifting hardly anything or straining to hard. You know how hard that is as a Mom and virtual household manager?! Difficult! Especially since I am short and cannot reach anything anyway, I am use to stretching or even climbing sometimes to get what I need, but none of that, dr's orders! Think about all you do as a mom then limit that to about half! So I am very thankful for his help. At one time during my recovery Tommy and I were both down and we were quite a pair to look at. But Bud just kept at it and took care of us both! It could not have been easy for him but I am so thankful he loves us that much and is that type of godly man! I thank The Lord for him every single day of my life! I know we are about ready to move into the next phase of our lives together and I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us! Next Thursday we will celebrate 21 years of marriage! Here is to the next 21 years Angel! Where ever God leads us I will be right beside you! Where you go I'll go, Where you stay I'll stay, when you move I'll move, I will follow you! Your people shall be my people, and your God my God! I'll love you Forever Angel!!

So if you don't know my hubby at all there is a little peek into his heart, and if you do know him a little, well I hope this helps you know how big of heart he has! He would never do anything on purpose to hurt anyone, that truly is his heart! So there ya have it, there is my updated post! Thankful for my God who loves me enough to surround me with these wonderful people I call family! My kids, my hubby, my wonderful brother and Sis and sweet nephew, oh and that exciting news I hadn't caught you up with! My Bro and Sis are having another baby!!! I get to spoil him rotten along WITH my nephew! Father thank you for the gift of family, and of friends who are more like family than any family I have been given!! Thank you for our freedom in this nation and our freedom in Christ! May You be honored in my life. Next post, First Christmas!!! Right around the Corner. I will update soon!! 

Blessings and Ladybugs!!! 

Back in the swing of things

Ok I confess, I have been a horrible blogger lately. Time just gets away from me and I am exhausted some days. I am going to try and publish once a week as an update if anything else for awhile.

On the home front, our sweet daughter graduated in May, boy was that a crazy time. Lots of joy and lots of friends stopping by to say their "good-bye's", "I love-you's" and "Wish you well's" I will try and post some pics of the graduate soon. It was emotional for me. We are close, very close, and the thought of another one of my sweet one's heading off into this big world, worried me. She won't be going to far though, only about 45 minutes away. College is doable by staying home and commuting. She will be attending The Art Institute and Majoring in Baking and Pastry. Sounds yummy huh? Can't wait to be her gunniea pig lol!! No honest she is an awesome baker and does lovely work already. This will just make her even better!! So excited for her!!

Our oldest son has moved out on his own this weekend actually. He is NOT staying close however, a 2.5 hr drive away. He promises to stay in touch and keep his worried Momma in the loop. He'll be close to school and close to friends and he is happy and excited. I am sure I will be on my knee's quite often for him! Life is tough this world can be tough, so I am just praying that God will guide each step and that He will be honored in that. After all Ernie belongs to Him anyway, right?

Tommy is doing good. He is officially a Senior now! (see why all the emotions, lots of changes really quick!) He and his sister are at Youth camp this week and I am sure I will hear tons of stories when they return (my fav part!) I also pray they fall deeper in love with Jesus! Tommy has hurt his foot and has been in a walking boot for a few weeks, and in a few more weeks will require surgery. So if you could, remember to pray for our sweet kiddo and this surgery. He is a bit worried. He has been through more invasive surgeries when he was little, but he does not remember those. He has been at band camp the past few weeks and has one more week of it when he returns from Youth camp. I just ask myself where does the time go??!! Really??!!

My hubby is doing great, working tons but he loves the second job! We are doing all we can to get ahead and plan for this adoption! I don't think my heart could take a home without children in it for very long.

 My job is going well too. I just love the kids so much!! I have had to take some time of this past week because of an injury but its healing nicely (finally!) and I will be back to work tomorrow!! God has been so good to us and we are so thankful for His provisions and love! There have been days when I have been an emotional wreck for one reason or another, but he is unwavering in His love for me! So thankful that He never changes!! I was thinking today as Ernie left, and my heart was aching,....is this what God felt when He sent Jesus to be with us?? The heartache knowing the life He would lead, but the joy in the ending? I know life will be hard at times for Ernie, if it isn't he isn't walking with Jesus. I know Satan leaves us alone if we are complacent and life seems easy, but as soon as we are all in it for Jesus, life can get difficult at times. So I have comfort today, knowing that maybe God felt a little of what my heart feels for my son, when He sent His Son to pay the ultimate price for our sin. Thank you Lord for loving me that much!! There is good news in our family as well, cannot wait to share but I haven't quite been given permission to do that yet, but as soon as I can I will!!! God is SOOOOO good!! Did I mention I love sweet little ones?! Thank you Lord for the blessings of children! My own, and others as well!!

Love and Ladybugs!!

God is Gracious

Well friends, sorry its been a bit since I blogged but things are crazy around here. Feel like I have said that before, guess it goes with being a mom!

 As some of you are aware I have been searching for a job for awhile. I love kids and I love just sharing and teaching them. I love to get in the floor and play with them, and hug them when they are sad. God has just given me a heart for little kids whether its at church or just taking great care of them. Guess that is why God has called us to adoption and advocating on behalf of the orphan. So my prayers have been lately on the job front, to honor Him and the gifts He has given me when it comes to a job. I put my application in at lots of places, but got nothing. I finally just picked up the phone book and started calling childcare centers. Some were taking applications, some were hiring but did not sound very happy at all. Made me think twice about going to work at a place where people seemed sad. Didn't seem like an atmosphere to spend time in. The last person I called was happy and cheerful and was hiring! They asked if I had experience and I said YES!! Then I asked when I could come in and do an application. I went the next day, and asked for an interview right there on the spot. She was excited and told me they would get back with me the beginning of the next week. I got home told my hubby it went well and we were both praying and content waiting on God to see what He would do. They called back within hours and let me know they would call my references and gave me the rundown as to the next steps. I got a little anxious late Monday night but God whispered to me, it is not today do not worry! It will be Wednesday when you go in. So I relaxed. Sure enough Tuesday midday they called and asked me to come in Wednesday for training! God is so good and so trustworthy! I am happy to say I have been happily employed for a week and a half!! I love my job! I love the kids! They are so adorable! I have a different mindset this time unlike before when I worked in childcare centers. This is not just a job, its a way to share love, Gods love, with all the kids who may not get to know His love. I look at each child as if He were looking at me asking me to love them like He does, and it really has made a HUGE difference. Thank you Father for Your blessings and provisions!

On another note I have been able to see God's goodness and faithfulness in one of my friends lives! He is really just walking with her and taking wonderful care of her. He has surrounded her with great friends and wonderful doctors and an awesome group of prayer warriors surrounding her. I am so blessed by her and blessed God has brought her in my life. I love that He is "showing off" in her life! He is so gracious!


On another note, my family and I did a walk yesterday in honor of my bro-in-law Brian who lost his battle with Osteosarcoma (bone cancer) almost 2 years ago. Brian was diagnosed in his early 20's and was just days from his 30th birthday.
 It was a very emotional day! We were grateful to be there and be part of something so wonderful. It was a walk to help find a cure for childhood cancer. We also lost a dear sweet little girl 10 years ago at the age of 8 to the same disease. She was a wonderful bright cheerful little girl, who was in my girl scout troop, with my daughter and her friends. I have been able to look at this disease with two different perspectives. One from a Mom's point of view for Hayley and to watch my little girl grieve through that process was one of the most heart wrenching times in my life. With Brian it was the view from a sister. My heart broke over and over and over again for my Sis-in-law and my brother and nephew. Brian was so full of life and love and was never afraid to try anything and he loved Jake as much as I do! His saying about cancer was "It is what it is" He loved his Sister so much and entrusted her to all the details of his life and she handled it with honor. So this walk was about Brian but it was also about his family and their struggles to go on without him.
. It has been tough but they have held on to his love and strength to get through this. I am extremely proud to be part of their family. It was so good to honor Brian, and to honor Hayley yesterday. The balloon release I think was the most beautiful and the most heartfelt thing I have witnessed in awhile. God was  gracious and was honored yesterday and we could feel our loved ones with us. Thank you Father for being with us and taking care of them for us till we get there to be with them! We know life is hard without them but we also have faith that we will see them again. Until then there will be times when life is painful without them and then there will be times it will be joyful remembering them and all the love and joy they brought to our lives. When we share that with others we are sharing them and all the love in our hearts that we have for them. This place is not our home, we are just passing through. Lets remember to live our lives as if we are waiting on Heaven. That way God will be honored and our loved ones who have gone on before us will be remembered with love and joy! We know while we are here God has a plan for us and we need to do that plan to the best of our ability with His help and in His will. As the song they played yesterday reminded us, yes "I will remember you!" Both of you, because you have touched my life in a very special way. I will carry you with me always!!

Love and Ladybugs :)

Depraved Indifference

I have been so moved by the cause of the orphan. Sometimes I cannot put it into words what my heart feels and how it aches to help the fatherless and the abandoned of this world. These are the least of these and we are told whatever we do for them we do for our Father in Heaven. I don't know about you but I am willing to do ALL I can for Him and His kingdom. Ask yourself this, Do you care like God cares for  the least of these? Are you moved to make a difference for the kingdom? Are you burdened for the things that break Our Father's Heart? Lets not suffer from Depraved Indifference anymore. Please watch this video and ask God to move on your heart. Please leave a comment and tell me if or how this video affected you. I can tell you this, God is breaking my heart and this video is forever embedded in it. I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what GOD has called me to do myself (Josh Wilson) I refuse NOT to move!! Will you move too? For Jesus? Please leave a comment below

Love and Ladybugs :)

On a roll here, another orphan needs our help

Ok bloggy friends,

I have to share something with you. Have you ever been slapped in the face with God's prompting? Well it happened to me early this morning. Have I mentioned I am not a morning person? So up this morning getting the teenagers ready for school and I had one of our local news station turned on. I watch it every morning, so this morning was no different. You all know my heart for the orphan and how we are all called to help. So a short blip and I mean blip, (should've been WAY longer) about a family who was bringing a sweet little boy home from Guatemala. YES on the news EARLY this morning, an adoption story. In my opinion it should have been a 6 o'clock story not one hidden in the early morning hours. Anyway I am just glad it was there! No matter what time of day God was speaking to me. Not sure WHY He chose me but I was being obedient. As I heard this family's story my heart began to break. They have had some tough times through the last 3 years of their adoption and this past Friday night they were robbed. Their adoption fund, stolen right out of their home. First I cannot imagine being robbed but taking the adoption fund?! Broke my heart! It also screams Satan! Satan does not want this family moving forward but ya know what? He isn't in charge! Our God's heart is for the orphan and He will not be distracted!

So here is where you come in! This family needs our help. Their child is waiting and they are getting close to bringing him home, and their money is gone. Lets raise some money for this family! Lets watch Satan be smacked again by the loving hands of The Father. This boy needs to come home to his forever family!! Here is the link to her blog. If anyone knows how to do a donate button or a chip in button can you please let me know or let her know so we can add that to her blog? Lets bring another orphan home. What a wonderful thing to be part of God's heart for the orphan! HE can use you, won't you let Him?! Donate whatever He is calling you to, and then friends, please please cover this family in your prayers. The enemy does not want us succeeding in this and he will fire his darts at us and this family, but we have the Creator of The Universe The First and the Last, The Alpha and Omega on our side!! We know how the story ends, He wins!!! Thank you SO much my bloggy friends, these are treasures we will all store up in heaven for our Savior!!

Blessings and Ladybugs :)

Help bring two sweet ones home

My sweet friend Stefanie over at Ni Hao Ya'll is having a wonderful drawing and giveaway to help bring TWO sweet baby girls home to their forever family. She does so much work for orphans. She helps with An Orphans Wish and Wild Olive Tee's and has 10 beautiful children and God is calling her sweet family to bring home Esther and Poppy. Hop on over to her special giveaway and see what they've been up to. I hope you can help them out, they are a wonderful family and this is a wonderful giveaway. Help her bring 2 more orphans, orphans NO MORE!!! Go check it out, run don't walk!

God's Healing Hands

I love how when your going through the thick of things in life, you know when its really tough, God makes His presence known! I want to share something vaguely that happened last week. The details aren't important but the outcome and suffering is, but God was with us. 

You have heard about my Mom and how she came to live with us after her open heart surgery in September. The conditions she was living in was not a healthy situation in all aspects, relationally, spiritually, and health wise. So after much conversation she decided to come live with us. She has done really well in every area. She started going to church with us and really getting to know God. It was wonderful. She also was doing better health wise and we were excited, it was exciting. She started visiting with friends and getting out there again. So last Sunday while visiting a friend, she called me. She told me she had made a decision (out of no where) that she was going back to the situation she was in before the surgery, including marriage. This situation was difficult when she first moved here because of the underlying issues but lets just say we were drug through the mud from the other party. It was heart wrenching to watch and to be a part of because it was not only her going through it but us as well, Satan was attacking. We had gotten through it and God had protected us all. So to receive that call Sunday, I was floored. She proceeded to move out on Monday and has not looked back. We were left......dare I say abandoned. I felt that way at least and I knew that I could not be a part of all that again. We had gone through so much and I could not put my family through it anymore. It came down to having to choose between that and her choices and my family. She is married now, they did that on Friday, and has not really had much to do with us since. I am not sure what happened or why but I know God has held us close to His heart this week.    

My kids are old enough to understand as much as there is to understand so they were kind of shocked and hurt too. They are better now, I however being her daughter have had an emotional roller coaster of a week. Here is the point in this. Its not to tell you what things we have been through or what choices we have made to bring this on, because really we didn't choose this. The point is, God knew it was coming and He stood next to us and even at times this week as held me and comforted me. 

I have really known what it feels like to be a daughter of The King this week. He has comforted me when I cried and lifted me up and encouraged me. Even today when she called and left a message that was not very kind, He comforted me right then. He reminded me that He has all this in his hands and that He loves me despite of all the pain I have been through in this and in my childhood with my parents. He is the ultimate Father! Who could ask for anyone better?! I feel    

like I have been through the stages of grief again like I did when my Dad passed away. I am telling you I just sobbed and sobbed for a few days, then I was angry and then sad and numb, and today, today with God's words in my heart I am beginning to heal. My friends have come along side me and prayed and loved on me. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I really do believe that God gives you friends to help to stand in the gap where your family chooses to not stand with you. So I have come to understand this week that this was a choice she made and that I have no say so in it, it is NOT my responsibility to make her choices and choose how to treat me. It is my responsibility to walk a Christian life and honor my Heavenly Father in all this. He has revealed things to me and shown me He is really what I need above everything else or anyone else. I am so thankful that HE loves me enough to stand with me and to send others to love on me and help me heal. And I am so thankful for my husband, children, brother, sister and nephew that loves me unconditionally, and friends who are like family to me.I wish I could say that about everyone but that is unfortunately not the case. I am ever more thankful that God through my life and sin and bad choices that He loves me anyway, and He loves her too. So now we have decided to move forward, one foot in front of the other. When the days get difficult I will lean on Him above anyone and anything else. Thank you Father!! Thank you!! He reminds me "I will love you for you, not what you've done or what you have become, I will love you for you!" What He has MADE me for and made me to be, to love Him and worship Him and that is what I will do with ALL my heart!!

Urgent Prayer Needed For A Sweet Boy

There is a sweet little one in Russia who needs our prayers immediately. He is an adorable little boy with Down Syndrome and his parents are there in court to be able to bring him home, but alas the judge does not deem him "worthy" to society to be adopted. His parents have been approved to adopt him through everywhere they need to be except this judge. Please pray for this boy and you can read his story here over on Linny's blog. He is not the only one facing this judge if you read more of her blog from today you will be able to hear two more sweet ones stories who are facing this same judge. Please intercede on behalf of these little ones. God deems them worthy and that is all that should matter. His heart is for the orphan and we should be so inclined to bring these requests to the feet of Our Father who has this all in His hands. Thank you so much for your prayers for this family.


On another note our family could use your prayers as well. We have had lots of changes going on around here and some are painful. We know we are suppose to move forward with our adoption and the evil one has started throwing his fiery darts at us. We will not be distracted by him, but we could use your prayers. We know God has this all laid out for us and it will be hard, so anyone who would come along side of us in this we would be ever so thankful. He is attacking on all sides and it is just getting ridiculous. We are the children of God He is our Provider and our Comforter. We take refuge in Him! Thanks everyone for standing with us and for praying.


Love and Ladybugs :)

Our Vickie

Spring is in the air and reminders are everywhere. For us this year the warm weather does not only mean spring but the events that unfold at school during spring. Brings joy and sorrow to this proud parent's heart!

This weekend Vickie will compete in her last guard competition. It is State Championships and we are very excited. Their show is gorgeous this year, and this year just might be the year they take 1st!! We are just praying! It is hard for me to believe this is her last one though. We have had 8 seasons of Guard. The first one started out with an awkward Freshman trying to figure out if she could march and spin a flag at the same time. Boy did we find out she could!! Each season through fall and then into winter she just kept getting better and better. This year and last during Marching season they took 1st every single time! Winter has been a little harder but they have always been in the top 3! I just sit back and think, where did the time go? She was so unsure and has some lack of confidence about it.

 Now, oh now its like its part of her. The flag, the rifle is part of her body. She spins it beautifully! She always use to say I don't want to do any kind of dancing stuff, but guard has brought out a little bit of talent in that area. Its so funny now to think about that statement. She dances, she marches, she tosses, she spins, she keeps the timing. There is so much to it and she does it beautifully! I am sad to see it end, but so thankful for the memories!! I am not sure what I will put in her air gram this weekend. (Air grams are cute little notes they announce over the intercom while the girls are getting the floor set to perform.) We always tell her how beautiful she is and how much we love her and to not forget to smile. 




Now this last time how do I sum up all that the past four years have meant to us, in just a few short sentences? How she has changed and grown and how her kindness and love just radiates out of her. How do you let go, when your heart so badly wants to hang on? Oh but what joy and hope we have for her. We know God has wonderful plans that He will lay out before her. We are just so excited to watch!!

Also with spring brings Prom and the dreaded and exciting Graduation season! Now with our oldest I prepared myself.  But I have been so busy lately if I stop to think of it, my heart breaks. So I just move on and try not to deal with it. A little background on our girl. Our oldest son was a little over a year old and we decided that it was time to have another. Well boys tend to run in our families so we just figured we would have another boy (later on we did :) ) but we prayed and yearned for a little girl!

 Even Daddy wanted a little girl! So we dreamed and hoped, and never found out what we were having because we love surprises! So the day she was born by C-section and they popped her little pink head over that curtain and said "It's a girl!" my heart was forever hers! and her Daddy's too!! We both sobbed and thanked God for the gift of a little girl! And she has always had us wrapped around her finger! We adore her! Good and bad! She has not been to difficult to deal with in her teen years. Oh were we preparing ourselves for that, but she handled it just like she handles everything else, with grace and love! It helps that she loves Jesus with all her sweet heart too!! So I know the day our sweet daughter puts on that cardboard blue cap and gown, and smiles that beautiful smile of hers, my heart will once again be filled with love that God truly gave us a beautiful gift in our daughter! My heart will break too knowing its just a matter of time and she'll be off on the adventure of life and allowing others to be crazy about her just like we are!! 

Victoria Erin, your Momma and Daddy adore you always!! You will always be our Princess sent from God above!! Please always stay beautiful inside and God will take care of the rest!! We love you Sissy!!! We also know your gonna be a great big sis to your little meimei's!! Thank you for being you, we wouldn't want you any other way!!!! You will always have our hearts!!!- Love Mom :-)

Being Real

This adoption subject stirs something in me as a mom that I need to clear up. Maybe its the protection part of me, maybe its not I am not sure but I feel like God is leading me to be real and be clear. 


First way back in 2004 I was going along, raising my kids, who at the time were 10,11 and 13. (Yes that makes them 20,18 and 16 now) when I was completely excited about my friends who were adopting. It was sweet and a great thing but it was not for me. I was the mom of 3 busy kids who could no longer have anymore of our own because of the harm it would bring to myself. I was completely ok with that, we were done having kids. I had come to grips with that a long time before that. Know this though I have always LOVED kids, and been involved in all kinds of organizations that involve kids. It's where my heart is. Well God had plans I never knew about and He was about to start revealing those plans to me. So as I watched one friend struggle through the waiting to bring her daughter home from China, I began to pray for her and her family, and God stirred something inside my heart. 


As I watched and waited for the two of my sweet friends who went to China together and finally got to bring home their daughters I was so excited and praising God for walking with them during all this. See this is not a story of us wanting more children or trying to do something because someone else was, this is a story of faith, and obedience. God was calling us to something and we had better start listening. Have you ever been in a situation that you knew God was calling you to and you thought it was crazy? Well that's how I thought. I even argued with Him about it, yes I did, I am ashamed to admit that, but I did. The thing is the more I tried to ignore Him, the louder He became, till He literally spoke to my stubborn head one day sitting at work. I swore I heard someone talking to me and I had headphones on listening to Focus on The Family. I pulled off the headphones and looked around my area and no one was talking, just working like crazy on their computers, just like I was. And then all the hair on my entire body stood up as I finally understood, the voice was God, and He said CHINA!! Now how ya gonna walk away from that and ignore Him anymore? So I prayed! I talked to my husband and prayed some more. I told God that if He wanted us to do this then He was gonna have to lay it on my husbands heart as well. And that is exactly what He did.


Now years have passed and I have wondered if I was crazy back then, but God has been preparing me, my heart, my family, my husband, and I pray those around me. See He was unfolding His plans for me, just like those in the bible He had plans for. He took His time till all I could think of and all I wanted to do was to help the orphans who didn't have families. It is a constant burden on my heart and I cry daily about it. Have you ever felt such passion for something, but it let up? Or maybe it didn't and you followed where it went. Well that's what we are FINALLY doing. Following where God is leading us. We did not ask for this, but God is calling us to do it. Am I the perfect person to do this? No way! I have so much sin and so much to work on in my life to be able to do this perfectly. Understand this though, God is NOT calling me to do this perfectly. He is asking us to trust Him! Follow Him and trust Him!! Here is the real thing He is revealing to us. Our one weakness (and some of you who know us, know what that is) He is using to make us strong. Everyone of has a weakness and just like Moses, God can use that weakness for His glory. I do believe that is exactly what He is doing. Can you imagine as believers if we came to Him after we had all our "stuff" cleaned up, what we would've looked like? If we had it all together, why would we need Him? I promise you right here, I am far from having it all together, and I need my Savior, my Jesus to clean me up daily. Some things He doesn't have to do that for but the one thing I struggle with, that right there, keeps me on my knees praying and needing Him ALWAYS!! 


Now I am not asking you to adopt, although there are 143 million orphans who need loving families to raise them. I am not even asking you to understand this completely, heaven knows I don't always understand. What I am asking is that you approach us delicately about this. This is our hearts desire. These children (how ever many God has waiting for us) are our children! They have been before time began. I do want to throw this out there for you. If you're children were abandoned and alone no matter where they were, wouldn't you do all in your power and that of heaven to bring them safely where they belong, HOME?! That is all we are doing. We love these children, we cannot help it. They are part of our daily conversations and part of our prayers and our lives. I will defend them in a heart beat just like if someone did something to our almost grown kiddo's. We are their parents! Its just a matter of getting them here. Know I say this with the deepest love. This is God's calling on our lives, He has called us to defend the cause of the orphans, He has also called you to do the same. It is scripturally mandated, as believers we are called to help them. So that is what I am asking you to do, help the orphans. If you know someone who is adopting, :-) PRAY for them, this is a struggle the enemy does not want us to win. And then come along side them however you can, whether its donating to a fundraiser or sponsoring an orphan or just doing all you can for their plight. It all makes a difference! So if you have questions for us, please be kind in asking them, we will do our best to answer them. International adoption is hard! Its tedious and time consuming and heart wrenching. I have watched a number of friends go up and down on this roller coaster and my heart breaks for them and then is joyful for them when God takes care of all the hearts desire. Please come along side us however you can. If you have adopted internationally and you have advice for us, please, please share it with us! We would love to hear your story! Remember God has called us to this, its a calling, we must follow or lose out on a wonderful blessing! One question I get sometimes is  this? Why China? Well thats where our daughters are thats why! If God would have called us to New York thats where we would have went, but He has called us to China! Please remember to pray for all of our family, big ones and little ones. God hears the prayers of His people. Won't you  join us on this crazy roller coaster adventure of adoption??? Our daughters are waiting............







Love and Ladybugs!

Quick update

First this is a test, trying to blog from my phone. Its so busy around here, don't get time to get on the computer. Note to self, must invest in small laptop, someday :-)

Secondly, After a day of prayer and fasting, thanks to my sweet friend Linny, over at A Place Called Simplicity. Her link is on my sidebar! God has spoken to our hearts to move forward with the adoption!!!!! Yippee Jesus! Now we've taken a small step and God has confirmed it, now asking for the next step, and praying He guides each step, so that we're in His will! Please keep praying friends. We are walking in faith and uncharted territory for us. Thankful its not for Him! :-) He is definitely at work in our lives and we are praising Him! Join us on our crazy journey won't ya?!

Love, blessings, and Ladybugs!!!!
Tammy :-)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Crazy Love

Do you know what Crazy Love is?? Crazy Love is what God has for us! Thanks to a sweet friend I recently got the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. All I can say is WOW!! I have not finished it yet but it is so powerful that I could not wait till the end to share about it. So that probably means I will have to blog about it again later. But for now I just have to share some things with you. Before I get to far into it I need to share the link with you to see some of the powerful video's Francis Chan shares to go along with the book check it out now! 


This book reminded me of things I didn't want to be reminded of but it also reminded me how much God LOVES us! He is all about Love! (Do I hear a Steven Curtis Chapman song whizzing through my brain?! lol) Do you know how detailed a caterpillar is? It has 228 separate and distinct muscles in its head, that's quite a few for a bug. And did you know that your own heart generates enough pressure as it pumps blood throughout your body that it could squirt blood up to 30 feet? See how detailed our God is? Have you ever thought of how diverse and creative God is? He made hundreds of different kinds of bananas, but he didn't have to. He created so many different kinds of laughter but He didn't have to, we are all unique and He loves us enough to be so detailed. That is right from the book. How wonderful is our God? Amazing!! How can we not worship with all our souls this wonderful God of the universe! That is some crazy love! Here is the part that Got my heart...


I am a worrier by nature, maybe it has to do with trying to make sure everyone is completely taken care of the best that I can. I am realizing that it is NOT my job to take care of everyone, it is God's job. So this is what the book said(and I cried and sobbed my eyes out because it described me, sadly, perfectly) it says that worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of whats happening in our lives. I was floored! I mean the same God of the universe that created all the galaxies and was so intricate with the caterpillars, and made our hearts to beat like that. Keep in mind how all our organs have to work so perfectly together for us to survive, that God, the One who made us like that, I doubted Him? He loves me so much more than all of that, yet I cannot trust him to take the very best care of me and my life? How pitiful am I? So I sobbed and cried and begged Him to forgive me for even implying that He could not handle "me" 


Here's another one, ever get stressed? that says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. WOW again!! Cried some more. Guess God has more work in my heart to clean up. Basically these two behaviors communicate that its okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven!! Even though I know of God's holiness, I am still dumb enough to forget that life is ALL about God! Cried some more!! These are all excerpts from the book. It is so very powerful!! My part in life is to worship Him and bring Him glory no matter what I am doing. Whether its listening to my teen go on about whats fair at school or if its sitting at a traffic light waiting for it to turn. Is what I am doing bringing glory to our Lord? If not its time for a change. So the last few days I have really been making my self aware of what I am doing. Is it easy? NO way, but is anything worth anything really easy? This is the God of the universe! He deserves our love, respect and all our focus, yes ALL our focus! He gives us everything, EVERY-THING!! So does my life point to Him? Really we are here to glorify Him, because honestly its ALL His!! 


So I am trying to refocus, EVERYTHING!! He deserves so much more than I can give Him. My comfort however is this, He made me to love Him, and that I do! Probably not enough,, and surely not as much as some others, but I do it honestly, and to the very best of my ability where I am right now. I just continue to pray that He helps me to grow closer to Him in my walk, and just like anyone you love, that the love just grows and grows till all anyone sees when its my time to go home to heaven, is the One I loved the most with all my heart, My Jesus!!! 


Praying He finds me worthy to continue to use and to bring others to know Him, like He wants them to know Him, not like the world wants them too. Praying that involves some sweet orphans all over this world in one way or another. I love you Jesus and I am here for Your glory!! Use me and send me!!!


Always HIS Servant!! :-) 

Rambling and Emotions

Its been an emotional week for me. I am not sure why but finally on Wednesday I just broke down crying for what seemed like hours. Ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders? Ever feel like everything is coming to a head at once? That was me this week. I keep thinking God I know You're in this, please remind me of it when I forget. Life can sometimes snowball and that is when I need Him to help me focus completely on Him alone.

In case you don't know me, I will give you a wee bit of insight. I love my family more than anything in the world except Jesus Himself. I count it a privilege to be a Mom and wife to a loving family. Even when things get bad, and they do sometimes, get bad. My family loves each other deeply! They are just there for each other and that is SO comforting, and SO from God. My husband told me the other day (amongst my tears, because every now and then ya just need a really good cry!) "I am the glue that holds this family together." I never thought of myself as that. I just do what I have to do and do my best to honor God in all of that. So whatever gave him that idea is not who I try to be, I just try to be a godly example. SO in reality it is God who is the glue that holds this family together, because HE holds me together. 

My family will also tell you that I can be a bit over organized (hey there are a lot of us in this house) and I can be a bit obsessive/compulsive when it comes to cleaning. (Probably hinders from my childhood, but that is a whole other blog!!) So for the most part I am easy going, loving and forgiving. However, there are those rare moments after the house is sparkly clean, laundry is done and everything seems "just perfect" and you just want to soak it in for a bit. (come on its hard work to keep all that going, schedules, cleaning, cooking, shopping, bills, running the household and working) so that is what I do bask in it for just a bit. Like ahh the world is right for just a bit. Then five minutes later someone comes in with their snow filled shoes and mud and salt and throws their coat down and stuff everywhere and I lose all sense of who I am for about 10 seconds and freak!! Am I the only one who has worked hard to have their home cleaned and this happens just a few short moments afterwards?? So I turn into this person I do not know and think after the craziness wears off, "Where did that come from?" that is my ugly, sinful self and I HATE it!! My family probably thinks the same thing :-) then God gets a hold of me and reminds me of the sin and how He cleansed me for just a time as this. 

See when we think we are all perfect and things are going right that is when our sin pops in kinda sneaky like. Although I am pretty humble I don't think I can ever recall a perfect day, there is always something nagging at me that I have done wrong. Again God will remind me of His perfectness and sacrifice and that I have been forgiven for all that already to just be happy where I am. There are times that I can see Him in everything when I am not looking. Then there are times when I desperately NEED to see Him and I can't, guess those are the times when He is holding me and I am looking far beyond that to find Him.

So all this leads me to this past week. I had cleaned, got emotional. Some financial issues happened out of my control, I was feeling unworthy of a lot of things, and really useless in lots of areas, and then all that piled on with all the feelings about the adoption and my cry fest began. And my sweet loving husband said something in the midst of all this that made me sob more. Don't get me wrong he wasn't trying to make things worse or make me cry more. But his words pierced my heart. I have really hung on to them and asked God for clear direction in them, one so I can not be a blubbering mess of tears and two so that those words won't hurt next time he says them, because they were never meant to hurt. See after all these years of praying for our Asian princess, there really has never been a doubt once we understood where God was leading us, about this adoption. Now the when has always been the hard part. So over the years I made myself aware of all things involving Chinese adoptions. The more years that have passed the more things I have researched, even when God said waiting children was the way to go, it did not detour me.

 My hubby has always just sat back and watched and laughed and listened and frowned here and there but never ever really got to emotional about it all. I know his heart when it comes to this because we have had deep conversations about how life will change and what to expect and loving more kids. All those topics handled. Even when God said Special needs (again by Chinese standards) we didn't miss a beat, we just researched to prepare for whatever need it was that we would be willing to handle with His help. Then we found out that some of the things that we have already handled in our own lives and our children's lives would be special needs in China. For instance when I was born I had strabismus, three surgeries later and you cannot tell my eyes were ever crossed or that I wore glasses the whole time growing up. Although now I wear them to read but that has nothing to do with my childhood disease. Another example, our oldest has ADD, and yet another is our youngest who has had the hardest disease and yet was the one I handle with ease and protect like a Momma bear protects her cubs, his is called Hirschsprungs disease. 3 MAJOR surgeries later and lots of other lessons learned (and still learning) He is a normal teen (for the most part) but I do believe now looking back, God has prepared me for the next season of life from all these lessons. You see to me they aren't really special needs they are just what makes us different or unique or special in everyone's hearts. Our son almost died because of his disease, if it would have went on to much longer and I am talking days here, he would not have made it through. God saved him, for us, to be his parents and to tell him how very special he is to us and to HIM! I believe He will do that again with our Asian princess or that He is doing it right now. I know Philippians 4:13 has been lived out through our lives. No matter what happens when He is with us we can handle it! That leads me back to my hubby's statement. He said to me amongst all this worrying of mine and tears. "I am tired of waiting, I want my daughters home, lets do something to get this moving." He was very firm in this and has NEVER said that in almost 7 years. My heart was happy and yet it broke into pieces. There are things that we still have to do in order to begin, and we have been so distracted lately with other things, things that HAVE to be taken care of NOW, that this just seemed overwhelming to me. It also made me realize that he loves our ladybugs as much as I do and he was not shy about telling me right then.

So the last couple days I have been slowly digging myself out not only of the 12+ inches of snow around here but emotionally digging myself out. I guess the only place to go now is up! God has a lot left to do in me for this adoption and in life but I am willing. Just show me the steps Father. Won't you pray for us to know what to do and where to go? Money is a BIG thing right now, not just for the adoption but for life's curve balls we have been getting lately. We really need some direction from God. I am being real here and sharing my heart which is not always easy, only because we could really use your prayers.

We know God is in all of this! Jeremiah 29:11 Philippians 4:13 thanks for listening to my rambles and allowing me to share my heart. Have a blessed day!

Where to begin

Hello bloggy friends!
Seems I have let my blog go but there are thousands of things I think of each day that I want to share but never seem to get the time to get to do it. I don't really know if anyone reads this anyhow.

Mom is doing well. So happy for that! We have gotten into a sort of routine around here and that helps. I still feel like a pharmacist but at least it helps her.

Kids are doing great! Vickie is happy to be in her last half of Senior year! Although this past snow week has her in a slump. She didn't really wanna go back. She was accepted into AI (Art Institute International) over Christmas break! She was so excited when she got the letter the tears just ran down her cheeks, so precious! She was accepted into the baking and pastry program and will start classes in July. They don't mess around. We visited and she LOVED it so we knew when that letter came it was where God wanted her to be!! Thank You Father!!

Tommy has been sick with strep throat the last few weeks, boy that is something. None of my kids had ever had it so when it knocked this big strong young man off his feet I was floored. Then he got some sort of inflammation in his sternum/rib cage and could barely breathe. Our Dr's put him on antibiotics, steroids and pain meds, this all for a boy who has been through multiple surgeries on his stomach AND who HATES taking medicine! It has not been a very happy week or so around here for him. But he is better cutting up and making people laugh and back in school, which makes me glad that God took care of him once again!

My sweet hubby celebrated his 40th birthday January 1st!! After all these years I had never really thrown him a party because of the day his birthday falls on. So this year I was set to do that but I had to pick a day he would not suspect because I KNEW it had to be a surprise! All our marriage I have never been able to surprise him. He always guesses my surprises, so we did our best not to give it away. The day came and I had his parents take him to a birthday lunch after church and when he walked in tons of his closest friends and family jumped out and yelled "SURPRISE"!! And he was indeed!!! Gotcha honey!!! Then towards the end I asked everyone to gather and tell us how they met him and if they had anything they wanted to say about him. We had different ages here from 5 on up. The sweetest ones came from peoples lives he has touched for the Lord, and our nephew just saying "I LOVE YOU!" So thankful for my husband and my best friend!! Thank You Lord for allowing me to share this journey of life with him!

On the adoption front: My heart is constantly reminded of China. More than it has been all these years. God continues to give me bigger reminders daily. Some are so overwhelming I want to drop to my knees and sob and praise Him. Which I do praise Him. I have even had them happen multiple times these last Sundays since the new year in church. Where my daughter smiles great big on one side of me and next to her my Mom is smacking me like Did you hear that?! Yes Mom, I always hear Him when He reminds me of our Ladybugs. My dreams take me to them at night and when I awake for the first few minutes I am at peace. It makes me fall deeper in love with them but it also breaks my heart. I have been studying Chinese adoption books and reading travel blogs of people getting their children and I wanna GO NOW!!! But alas no beginning in sight. Why does He continue to remind me overwhelmingly when I know He is not quite ready for us to start?! Its so very hard! How can you love someone SO much you have never seen or miss them so much and you've never met them?! I want to rescue them from their situations, and yet I know they will mourn one day for what they've lost. I just wanna be their Mama and love on them and tell them about our Jesus! This morning the verse God gave me was

 Matthew 28:19- Go therefore and make disciples of ALL nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

I so want to do that! I want to Go!!! You know how I know this is from God and is real and takes up my heart??? Because I weep! I weep constantly for the orphans around the world. My heart breaks for all of them! I pray and wonder Lord did that one get a home, or are they left to their own doings. My daughter put on her Christmas list to sponsor a little boy from Africa through World Vision. How could I not say Yes to that?! We have so much especially by other countries standards. When she asked me I surprised her Christmas morning with a wrapped package and inside was a little boys information through World Vision from South Africa who is 11 years old and carries water three times a day for his family. He does not go to school but carries the water so they can eat and have clean drinking water. The rest of his information came yesterday so she can begin to write to him. It was the best and most lasting gift she and he could have gotten this Christmas. I weep every time I think of him and every time she reads something to me about him. We are called to look after orphans. I so want to do that!! Lord here am I SEND ME!!! Please pray for us in this area! We just want to do His will and begin when He says, please pray that I don't miss His nudging in this. Sometimes my head thinks like an unbeliever trying to come to Christ. I gotta clean up my stuff before I can come to Him. Which is not true. I feel like in order to start this adoption I gotta clean up my stuff to get to them. I know He has called us to it, no doubt in my mind. How and when to do that is another situation. Please pray for us and our ladybugs and their famililes...... Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord!!

Blessings and Ladybugs :)