Trust

Hello there! Sorry I have been away, we have been trying to adjust to all these new things happening in our lives. Sadly none are adoption related as of yet. God keeps reminding me...DAILY...to trust Him in this. TRUST...think about that word for a minute. What does that mean to you?

Recently I was truly blessed by a wonderful friend, and by God's grace I was able to take our daughter to Women of Faith last month. I had not been in years but I had prayed for a long time for God to show me when was the right time to take my teen daughter (who is almost an adult) to WOF. Everytime I would go and return in the past, she would be at the doorstep awaiting my return asking lots of questions. So interested and yet I knew some of the topics expressed were to grown-up for her little mind to understand. This year I knew was probably the right time to take her, but with the move and Mom moving in, money was not available for us to go. Our God had other plans, through one of my sweet friends, and a now a new friend, we were able to get free tickets, through a promotion the two were working with through WOF. Never expected it and boy were we surprised!! We spent the weekend being loved on by both these women, plus old friends I hadn't seen in awhile. Not to mention all the speakers and staff at WOF. What a wondeful weekend of praise, worship and utter love for our King. But the trust thing came up. Indeed did it come up!

Sheila Walsh (whom I love) asked us a simple question that brought me to tears and to my knees. She asked this, Do you trust God? Do I trust God? Course my first answer was, "Well of course I trust Him. Why wouldn't I?" Then His spirit spoke to me as Sheila went on to ask the question deeper. Do you really trust Him? with everything? or is there things you have to handle on your own? Do you trust Him deeply? Completely? Or are there things that you KNOW you can trust Him with and just leave it at that, or do you pour your heart out to the One who saved you, knowing He truly knows what your hiding? It hit me like a ton of bricks. No Father I do not trust You with everything. But Why not? Why wouldn't I? Sheila went on to explain it could come from past issues that were really hurtful to us personally, making it harder to completely trust anyone, especially God. I thought about this and again began to weep. He spoke to me again. I know what you've went through, I was there with you. TRUST ME!

The little things, I trust Him with. Why NOT the big things? Why do I get so down and sad when things take a turn for the worst? He is still God and has not changed since day one. He still loves me just as much today as yesterday, if not more. He still has a plan for us. I know the answer to that now. I don't trust Him...enough! I dream enough and I pray enough?, I just don't trust Him enough because I am afraid. Afraid of being hurt again, afraid of being completely alone and abandoned by those who love me. Afraid that when I mess up (which I will) someone will stop loving me and will brush me aside, again. Afraid I am not important enough, or loving enough, or perfect enough. Ya know what God has revealed to me since WOF? I am not any of those things to this world, but to my Heavenly Father. I am ALL those things and more! He loves me enough and cries with me enough and is making me whole in Him. I have to let go of the past hurts that people have done and trust my Father in heaven to take care of me and heal my broken heart. He also revealed to me that all those things I feel, the orphans, OUR children waiting for us, they feel the exact same way as well. What an amazing God we serve. What do I do in the mean time?

Well I have been letting things go that would make me crazy and trusting Him to handle them. I have been researching more about the adoption (possibly of two, still praying) and being proactive about things. Is it easy? NO WAY! Am I still afraid? Yes some, but I am much better about things. He is still working it won't happen over night. The hardest trust issue I still have is the adoption. We have been praying for so long and hurting for our daughter(s?) that its hard to see past today. Will it ever happen? Yes I believe it will, the "when" has always been up to Him. But ya know what I am gonna start trusting Him with all those details. Hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year! He is faithful!!! Scripture helps,prayer helps, praising Him helps and love from my friends and family helps tremendously. Most important His daily reminders( I just got one from my daughter just now! She sent me a pic of two little ladybug magnets that one of our secretary's and friends at school have on her desk, she just happened to be in the office and thought I needed that right now! :) ) that He knows our hearts and this is the plan He has called us too, and that He is walking with us through all this. He has not left us nor forsasken us! So little by little I will trust Him and Him alone in His plans whether its one sweet ladybug or ten, I will trust Him!!! Course He'll have to convice the hubby of that ten number LOL!!! I will just continue to hold on to the scriptures, words in songs and the love He so lavishly pours out on me!


Scripture:
"I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me." Phil 4:13

"Whatever you ask in prayer believeing you shall receive." Matthew 21:22

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for a certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

"I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." Isaiah 43:5

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will reveive the crown of life that God has promise to those who love him." James 1:12

And these Lyrics:

Savior He can move the mountains, My God is mighty to Save He is mighty to Save!

So remember Your people, remember Your Children, remember Your promise, Oh God!

Jesus you know just how far the east is from the west.

I will serve You while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting.

I will walk by Faith even when I cannot see, because this broken road prepares Your will for me!

And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own!

Thank you Lord Jesus, Thank you!

Blessings and Love!

P.S. If you want to read more about what Sheila said about trust, she has a great book out called "When a woman trusts God." Run and get it!! :)

No I have NOT fallen off the face of the earth

Wow I just checked the date of the last time I blogged and I am shocked!! I have not fallen off the face of the earth, we have just had some changes going on around our home. Wish I could say they were adoption related and maybe in some small scheme of God's plan they are, but right now just not seeing that here.

About a month ago I got a call from my Mom. Her health is very poor and so the dr's were checking her out. She had been having more chest pain than she normally has, so once again they went to run another Angiogram (they go in through the main artery in your leg up to your heart and check things out) Our family has been dealing with some sort of heart issues since we were kids. Dad first had a rare heart disease and lived longer than any dr expected but sadly still to short at the age of 44 the heart disease just got the best of him. Not to long before that Mom had a heart attack and her right coronary artery was blocked. They did not want to do surgery at that time. Over the years she has just dealt with it as best as she could, but after multiple stents in the left side the dr's were concerned about this ongoing chest pain. Mind you she has MULTIPLE other diseases wrong with her so it just complicates any surgery that she may be a candidate for, which at this point was NONE! Her body could just not handle it. So when she called after the last angiogram and said they were going to do open heart surgery, I about flipped, then I panicked and then I cried. Life has been hard enough with only one parent but the thought of losing the other one just sent me into a tizzy. I just kept reminding myself God has a plan in all of this. If its her time to be with Him then we would get through it together. The dr even told her this was a risky surgery for a person with all her medical issues, the biggest fear besides making it through was her having a stroke during the surgery. That they would not know the results of till after she would be taken off the ventilator.

So the day of surgery arrived and we all surrounded her and told her how much we loved her and that she was in God's hands and everything would be fine. She insisted on however telling each one of us good-bye. My kids were scared to be honest, but they are old enough and they understood. So the surgery began and we waited...and waited...and waited. A nurse would come out every hour to give us updates, and my brother and I were just waiting to hear the worst. But it never came! Praise GOD!! He brought her through the surgery quicker than expected, she got off the ventilator quicker than expected, and out of ICCU quicker than expected. You know what kind of God we serve? An awe inspiring King of the world, mountain moving, great BIG God!!! She had not one sign of a stroke and everything looked great.

While in the hospital my brother and I discussed with her the options of when she was released. What should she do, where should she go? After much discussion and prayer on our part, she chose to come live with us. It really is the best option for her, she cannot stay alone and where she was before was a detriment to her health. So it has been hard around here, getting use to all these things and medical care she needs. God has given me strength and everyone has pitched in to help me out. Ya know what? She just got reports back this past week that she is doing better than she has in years! Did I mention she is only 60? She has a very hard time getting around and taking care of herself but thats why I believe God brought her here with us. She really looks great! Incision is healing well, she is slowly building the muscles back up in her chest. She is eating better and taking her medicine like she is suppose to (28 prescriptions mind you) I don't feel like a nurse to her just a daughter who loves her Mom and wants her to be taken good care of. I keep reminding her God has a purpose for her life. He is not through with her yet, and He gave her a second lease on life, use it for His glory and just SEE what He has in store for her.

So friends if you could pray for her and for us in all the adjustments that would be wondeful. I am exhausted but I know God is preparing me for the adoption somehow through this. I love how He uses practical daily things to prepare you for the future. Thank you Lord for helping Mom through all this. All praise and glory goes to You! Continue to prepare us for all you have planned for us. We will praise You through it all!

Blessings and LOTS of ladybugs :)

Asking, Seeking and Praying

Let me start this by saying, I only ever want what God wants for us. Everything else is just wasted. I have been praying for SO long about adoption, sometimes I wonder if He is still listening. My heart and arms long to hold a sweet little girl with almond shaped eyes and tell her how much her family loves her. To share with her the wonderful things Jesus has done to bring her to her forever family and home. I continue to ask, seek, knock and pray. Sometimes He is silent, and I weep. Sometimes He gives me gentle reminders that He is still listening. Boy am I thankful He is!!

But alas I still feel like this is just a continued circle of waiting. We haven't even began the process yet! I know my friends and family think I am nuts by now and consider me a liar when it comes to this. See all these past 6 years of waiting, God has been working. For the most part no one SEE'S Him working, except me. So maybe I am a little crazy but maybe I am just in tune to His loving on me. It does get frustrating, and makes me sad and I grow tiresome of talking about it sometimes. But in my heart there is this fire that burns for the orphans all over the world. Why should I sit back and be complacent and let them suffer? I want to take action. I want to do whatever it is He wants me to do in His time. The frustrating part is not knowing His exact timing. I get nuggets, some small, some HUGE, some bring wishful whimsical feelings and thoughts. Pink and green lining the bedroom for a sweet little one. Little foot falls in the house, a tiny one jumping up in the bed between us on a Saturday morning just to be loved on. A sweet tiny hand holding my finger as we sit in church so she can hear about our Jesus. Then I get sad again wondering, "When Lord? Am I crazy or did You really call us to this? I get so tired of waiting"

I hear stories of people stuck in the different stages of their adoptions and I pray, pray for them to hold their little ones, pray for them to know God's will and His hand on their lives, pray for a wonderful outcome on Gotcha day, pray for bonding and love to be had by all. Then I wonder does anyone know our story? Does anyone still care about our little girl? its been SO long since I started talking about this.I pray someone is doing the same and praying for us as well.  I am sure by now those who aren't close to us think I was just talking and never intended to walk it. Oh but I do! My heart and head and family are SO on board to move forward. I would give anything to be in some stage of adoption, at least I would know we were moving in some direction even if its at a turtle's pace. And that our little girl would be one step closer to knowing her Heavenly Father, and her forever family.

Remember when I said God shows up big sometimes? Well a few months ago probably last spring, our daughter and I were picking out names for little girls for fun. We already have our sweet ladybugs name picked out, has been for years now. So to pick out another name for maybe another daughter someday was truly dreaming and being downright silly. I joked lets get through this first one first and then we will think about that later. One thing at at time, we know China does not allow multiple children to be adopted at once, its just unheard of. So lets not go down that road and get our hearts broken. I did begin to pray though that if someday God wanted us to have another sweet ladybug then please allow that to grow in our hearts till it was time. But again one at a time is all we are allowed and all we can handle financially for sure because going twice in a short amount of time could be so costly and almost impossible....well not really impossible because scripture tells us, With God ALL things are possible! One of my favorite verses in the whole bible. So anyway we put it in the back of our minds and deep down in our hearts till God was ready to water that seed. In His timing as always!

This past week I got a tweet from our Agency with some interesting news I am about to share with you, let me tell you by the time I was done reading it I was sobbing, and the more times I shared it with our family members (immediate only) because the rest of them already think I am crazy :) The tears just flowed freely. And here is that information straight from their website. You read it and tell me what you think, I know without a shadow of a doubt what its saying. OUR God is a big God and we have been praying BIG prayers because He can do all things!! Here it is:

CCAA launches Special Focus Children's Program

Starting today, September 1st, families in the China adoption process can adopt two unrelated children with one dossier process in the Special Focus Children (SFC) Program. At this time the program is open to all families who can travel within one year of accepting the referrals. Therefore, the following families can apply:


o Families who will receive a healthy referral within the next year and who want to adopt a special focus child. For wait times for the healthy referral program, please review blog posts and speak to a Family Coordinator.
o Families who are paper-chasing and who want to adopt two waiting children.
o Families who have a dossier in China and will adopt two waiting children.
o Families who have a referral. Please speak to your Family Coordinator about approval wait times and how accepting another referral can affect their travel time frames.
o Prospective families who start a paper-chase and will adopt two waiting children. (This would be Us)


Currently, Special Focus Children are any waiting child referrals that have been on the shared referral system for over 60 days. There are hundreds of boys and girls of all ages who are Special Focus Children waiting for families. All China Program families will receive an email today with further clarification on these referral opportunities. Additionally, the CCAA will continue to provide details and help agencies as we work together to place these children with their forever families. Prospective families are welcome to call and ask to speak to a China Family Coordinator to learn more about this program. It will be exciting to see how God will work on behalf of these children so please join the China Program team in prayer for these referrals and the families considering their adoption.

Is it possible? Are there two little Ladybugs out there waiting for us to come get them? What do you think and be honest! I know I am crazy don't tell me something I already know :) But do you think we have room in our hearts and lives for them? Wanting to hear your take on this. We are praying to see where God leads us in this. I just laugh at His timing sometimes though. For example we started off wanting a healthy infant girl (Wait time is up to 5 years now) then we moved to Waiting children not to long ago, and then the things with the names. If we would have started way back when we felt the call, we would NOT be considering this right now in this time. God's plan is always bigger and better than we can wish for, dream, imagine, or even begin to fathom! Would you pray with us about this decision please? We only want what He wants! Thank you friends! Big hugs and remember God knows His plans for you! Allow Him to unfold them for you all you need is faith as big as a mustard seed. He can do mighty things with those who serve HIM!!

Blessings, and Lots of Ladybugs and a few giggles at God's sense of timing and Humor,
Love Tammy :)

Lots to Blog about, Moving Forward as well

Hi friends! Just back from a wonderful concert at my church! Dino from Branson MO stopped by and shared his beautiful talents with us, and a double duty had my Mom with me for her 60th birthday. She LOVED it!! Lots of birthdays this weekend. My sweet sweet nephew turned 5 today and can I tell ya, that little one gets cuter every time I see him! What a privilege it is to be his Aunt TT :) See how cute he is!

I just love this little guy he stole my heart the first time I held him! And has had it wrapped around his little fingers ever since! Love love LOVE him to pieces!! (AJ I stole this pic from your fb page hope ya don't mind its just too cute!) Anyway so we celebrated with a Toy story themed party. His Mommy is an awesome party thrower let me tell ya. He loved it and all his cute little friends loved it too. Although I am not sure who was worn out most, all the kids or my sweet Sis in law Autum! Way to go girl you rocked it!! What a fun time we all had, and Jake will always remember it!!!!!!!!!!

So this is the first blog I am typing from our new home! We love it! We are very very humbled by it and are honored that God is allowing us to be here at this time, praying its permanent but knowing we will go wherever He leads. It is more than I could ever have imagined or dreamed. We are adjusting well. Things are put away except I have not done the dreaded hang up all the pictures things, and I find myself wanting to get new stuff to put in here (the house is bigger than we have ever had) but I am controlling myself. I have a bigger goal in mind at this time and that stuff can wait. (although that is harder to do sometimes when I find the cutest little *whatever* to fill whatever space I think it would fit perfect) but I am stickin to my guns!! :)

Kids are in the second full week of school and they are doing great. The first few weeks are not so bad time wise, but look out next week we will kick into full band mode! Tired and running full steam for 2 straight months! Lots going on. Both kids are doing the CTC program this year. Sis is continuing in her Culinary Arts program and Tommy will be doing Auto tech and repair. He loves it!! Then he too will attend college at a local school to get his degree in that specific field. He was truly meant to do this stuff, its amazing to watch him, its in his blood! Ernie is doing well back down at SBU. I am just praying for him to find a job so he can feel better about some things. If you pray would you pray for him as well? He really needs this job for multiple reasons. I am one proud Mom of all my kids!!

Now on to some interesting news. You know how sometimes you overlook things or you completely miss them? Well back in July I was in a conversation with a bloggy friend about meeting a certain requirement to start this adoption. I just have known for awhile there is no way we would meet it for awhile. Well she commented back on how exactly it could be done, but the thing is for some reason I missed that comment till yesterday!! Oh my goodness when I opened up the comments link on the blog dashboard (which BTW I always knew it was there but just never accessed it) there was the complete instructions on how exactly we could meet this requirement!! Might I also add that it was midnight when I read this comment and everyone except my daughter was asleep. So I ran into where she was, jumping up and down so excited I wanted to pop!! I had to hug someone and tell someone right then!! Now here is the funny thing. I do believe if God would have allowed me to see that comment back in July I would have been sad, too much was going on and I had my plate full at that moment. But now, now I can digest it and take care of a few things, and BAM we will meet the requirement! Now I have NO idea where any of the money will come to fund this adoption, not even the application fee but I have FAITH in my GREAT BIG GOD that He can take care of it!! After all He owns a cattle on a thousand hills, and caring for orphans is a command that He gives us!

 Our Pastor asked us last week, How big are your prayers? Your prayers are only as big as you allow God to be. Well I know how BIG my God is so I am stepping out with BIG prayers for lots of things so that we can begin this adoption!! Is this finally IT????? Oh my goodness Oh my GOODNES, Oh MY GOODNESS, OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!! After all this time waiting could this actually be it??!! Please pray with me friends that God will open the right doors if this is truly it and that He will give us clear signs on how to proceed! I am calling on the Power of the Resurrected God to show us each step and how to proceed! There is POWER in His name Jesus!! WOOHOO!! Here am I Lord, SEND ME!! OK I am a bit excited, just thinking of the possibilities!! Wonderful night worshipping our living God! And the words to these two sweet songs this morning from our worship pastor, Pastor Lee. Love ya Buddy!! Thanks for your faithfulness in serving and sharing the gospel through music!

Here are the words to those songs (just parts of them)

Savior He can move the mountains (our mountain is the financial aspect of this adoption)

My God is mighty to save He is mighty to save,

Forever author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave

Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see (CHINA)

Were singin for the glory of the Risen King

Savior He can move the mountain

My God is mighty to save! He is mighty to save!

The other song is this:

What a moment you have brought me too,

All the freedom I have found in you,

Your the healer you make all things new

Yeah Yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah Yeah

I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead

I'm here to declare to you

My past is over, in you

All things are made new

Surrender my life to Christ

I'm moving, moving Forward!!

So my friend, Our God will move the mountains to bring our sweet baby girl home from China for us, He promised me all those years ago. And I myself am moving Forward with Him leading the way, surrendering all the fear and frustration and misunderstanding and anxiety over to Him. He is MY Savior and Redeemer and If God is for us, Then who can be against us?!!! Lord please bring our Ladybug home to her forever family! I'm trusting you with everything and I say that with a big grin on my face and tears in my eyes!!

Lots of love, and lots and lots of Ladybugs!

Tammy :)

P.S. For those of you who have heard my story about God sending me ladybugs, when we moved into this home, there were HUNDREDS of Ladybugs (albeit dead) in the window sills of the basement and some by the front door!!!!!!, and then God sent one to my HUBBY! in the grocery store the other day, of all places! He saw it from a distance and went over and rescued it to take it outside!! God is SO good!! We do NOT deserve His blessing but we are praising Him for them anyhow!!

Where does the time go?

It is the beginning of the school year again. I enrolled our daughter today for the last time in High School. She was not with me because, you guessed it, she was at band camp for the 4th week in a row. It was sort of surreal doing this enrollment. I went through the normal routine. "Do you have your proof of residency?" they ask me. "Yes with our new address on it" I say with a smile. Then its just the regular forms, were they signed by us and our daughter, Yes I made sure.

Each station I went to that I had to drop off a form I felt I was saying good-bye slowly to my little girl. I got to one station and a sweet teacher and dear friend was there, which gave me such comfort. This sweet lady is in my Sunday school class and is a very special person in our church so to see her warm comforting face, helped me relax a bit. She has taught my older two children since she arrived at our school, through one class or another, she has had one of our kids. I am so thankful to God that He puts good Christian people in our schools to guide our children. This lady loves our kids! She loves on them, and yet she makes them behave themselves if they ever need to be put back in line. Ya know what? I LOVE her for it too! What a blessing she is to our family! We talked for a bit and I asked her how SHE was doing, from one Mom to another, she is about to go through a change of her own next week with her family. Empty nest is setting in again at their home. Oh how I have prayed for her sweet Mamma's heart!

Anyway on to the next station I went. My heart however wanted to say, "Hey wait, slow down a bit, this is the last time I can do this for our girl." Don't you know our girl? She was the little girl who bopped right into Kindergarten with the sweetest smile on her face, ready to take on the world. "Do you know how she hurts and what makes her happy? Do you know how many memories she has made in the walls of this school?" Please do not rush me through this.

The next station beckoned me, so onward I went. I went to the next station and another sweet friend waited there for me. I was so excited to get to her because I love her so very much. She is such a sweet friend, and she too LOVES my kids! She asked about Vickie and where she was. I told her of my concern for her today. This new health issue had her not feeling well today, and I was worried for her. She understood my heart and told me she would pray for her, especially being out in the heat. See what a great friend! I might have forgot to mention, my kids go to public school. I just love how God orchestrates people to love on them, good Christian people, who know us and care about us and LOVE them, just as much as we do!

Again I was reminded of my sweet little girl who just had her long beautiful pigtails cut off for this sweet bob haircut, afraid to march into first grade, worried that no one would recognize  nor remember her. Of course that was not the case, we walked in the door hand in hand, Daddy on one side, me on the other. Wouldn't ya know it, the first person to say anything was her Principal and just commented how cute her hair was. That sweet smile appeared on my little girls face once more. Everyone remembers Vickie, she is so sweet and  She is a smiler!! Oh how I love that smile!

One more station left, asked if I wanted to buy lunch tickets, a normal answer to this would be yes, but I hesitated. I looked at the two sweet ladies sitting their and began to tell them my dilemma. See our daughter was just diagnosed with something that now every thought of food that is brought up has to be thought out. Can she have that, will that hurt her? So after speaking to them, I felt better, told them No I would not need a ticket at this time, we would wait and see. My sweet little girl who bounced out of my arms when she was 5 into a world of education and new friends, will now be walking through the doors of that school to finish off her last year of high school. I am so thankful that she has been surrounded by so many who have molded her and made her into the sweet, godly, young lady she is today. I know she has the tools to succeed in college and she will be a wonderful Pastry Chef. I love our daughter SO very much and it is an honor to be her Mom. I just keep asking myself, Where did all the time go?

Thankful for my blessings

Lots going on around here. Hubby and our youngest at scout camp. Our college boy just got back from a canoe trip with our college ministry. Our daughter is still going strong at band camp. Tommy is missing out this week because of scout camp but I think he is probably suffering in this heat a bit down there. In the middle of all this, there are still things going on. Dr's appointments, dentist appointments, enrollment for school filled out and ready for next week. Then the normal things families have to do, oh and yeah I forgot, I am packing up a storm! 11 days till we move!! Talk about crazy! So I am sitting here thinking of all the things I am thankful for.

My husband, who has stood by me for all these years, (20+) how could I not be thankful for him?! He is something else. You who know him, know what I mean. I told him the other day that I mentioned him in my blog and he said "Me? why would anyone want to hear about me? I am NOT important!" Then he smiled that ornery smile of his and went on about what he was doing. When my life gets crazy or I begin to over think things, he brings me back to where I need to be and reminds me everything will be alright. Wish he was here right now to remind me of that, I am just a bit freaked out! He makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me crazy but he is my best friend and my perfect mate! He is a godly role model for our children and loves us so very much! I am SO thankful to God for him. See this is my blog so I can brag all I want about him and he can't do a thing about it! :) Love you honey!!

Then of course I am thankful for my kids! They are all special in their own way and have made my life better just by being my kids! They too make me laugh, make me cry, make me crazy, but bring so much joy to our home. I can honestly say I would not be the same person without them in my life. Even their constant picking on me out of fun about how short I am, makes me smile! They bring so much depth and sincerity to my life, things I would have never imagined discussing with them, has come up. It just makes my heart happy to know they feel they can come to me about anything. I love the sound of teenagers in my house! Well for that matter, the sound of any kids in my house! My kids make my heart grow fuller with love every single day! Love you all bunches!!

Also thankful for my brother and sis in law and my sweet nephew Jake! What a joy it is to have them in my life! Words cannot express how much I love them or how much they mean to me. Tony and Autum and I have practically grown up together! We have been through things only families that love each other can endure. Then sweet little Jake came along and just brightened our world even more. I love that boy to pieces!! He reminds me of his daddy quite often when he was little. Thank you Lord for the blessing of these three. My life would not be complete and my heart would not be whole without them! Love you always you three!!! So blessed to have you in our lives!

Then of course my Mom and Bud's parents! Life would not be complete without parents! Thank you for guiding us and standing by us! And for loving us even when we were not so lovable and even when you did not understand us. We are blessed and thankful and love you very much! And I am also thankful for my Dad who is not with us anymore, he went to be with Jesus in 1994 but is forever part of my life and in my thoughts and on my heart! Love ya Dad! Miss you tons! All these people have taught me the best they know how, how to be an adult! Thank you for that!

Then there are those in your life who you cannot begin to imagine how they came to choose you as their friends but are blessed everyday to know they are there for you no matter what. God just somehow brought them into your life for a reason. There are time I cannot begin to imagine my life without them, when did I NOT know them. Seems they have always been there. Seems they have always cared. Not only about me, but about my husband and my kids and that for me is priceless! So to my very special friends out there who have stood by us through all these years. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I love you very much! To The Landis's, seems we have been friends since the very first time we met! God just brought us together and we clicked! Our kids love each other and get along great with each other and we always had something in common or something we just HAD to do together! What would our lives be like if our sweet little girls had not met each other way back in kindergarten? My life would NOT be the same. Thank you for loving us and caring about us and understanding the depths of our hearts! We love you SO SO SO very much and I know our friendship must have been ordained in heaven because otherwise you would never have any reason to stick by us all this time. I love you all very much and it is my privilege to watch your sweet kids grow into remarkable godly young adults! Thank you for allowing us to be your friends and allowing us to be part of your lives! Your the best!!

Then there are some other friends whom I confide in and know my heart is better for knowing you and loving you. To Betty: You are like my Sister, you crazy silly woman I love you to pieces!! You make me laugh so hard I can barely breathe sometimes. Then I laugh harder because I am laughing. I sometimes forget why I am laughing but I always know you my sweet friend, bring joy and laughter to my life! My heart is always lifted and I never wanna leave when we have spent time together! Thank you for loving my tater tots as your own! You are a remarkable blessing and I love you and sweet Miss Angela with all my heart and soul and your sweet Cuban family as well! I am truly blessed to have walked in the bus lot all those years ago and was able to call you my friend!! 14 years later, you still make me laugh so hard I wanna cry! Love you Sis!!

Then there is Teri, girl what can I say about you other than I love you bunches and you truly have grown up with me, what was I like 14 or something when we met? Maybe younger who knows. I liked you from the very beginning and our friendship has grown so much through all these years! Love ya tons and I am so grateful you are coming back home so we can spend more time together. We have endured quite a lot in our years together and I am just thankful God has kept us together. Love you sweetie!!

Last but by no means least is my sweet friend Jenny! I cannot tell you how much your friendship means to me. You have been there for me the last few months when I cannot think straight, but you have stood by me! I love your kids and I love you very much! I am so thankful God brought you into my life! You mean the world to me! Now don't be upset I have no pictures of you but I think we need to remedy that! Love ya sweetie, thank you for being my friend! I know God will continue to bless this new friendship and I look forward to lots more time together. Thanks for loving all of us!

Also I must not forget a sweet young lady who recently came into our lives by way of our oldest son. Lizzie you have brought so much love and joy to Ernie's life and I am thankful that you are part of our lives as well. We all love you very much and are thankful you make Ernie happy. Look forward to spending more time with you and watching the two of you together as well. Love you sweetheart!!

Now just because I have not mentioned you by name on this blog please don't think I am not thankful for my other sweet friends and family out there. You all have played a special part of my life and I love you very much too. I just don't have room to put everyone on here. Although I would if I could get away with it! LOL :) Each of you have came into my life for a reason and I am so very thankful that you are part of my life. I pray that each one I have mentioned and each one I have not will know you have a special place in my heart and I pray will walk along side of us in this journey we call life and this journey of adoption. I love you all and am truly blessed more than I could ever imagine. Thank you Lord for you overflowing blessings and your faithfulness to love me through these people and through your word and our church family! I don't deserve these blessing but I am SO thankful for them!

Truly blessed today!! :) and thinking of my Ladybug as well :)

God's blessings are abundant

I have been wanting to share this for awhile but I had to make SURE it was really happening. Someone pinch me because I cannot believe it! Let me try and explain this without making this SO long that everyone drifts off. God is bigger than we can even think or imagine. So I will try to downsize it as best as I can without taking the praise away from Him.

Earlier this spring, an opportunity came to us by pure chance, well now we know it wasn't chance it was GOD! There was a close friend of mine (Hey Jenny!) who had a friend who was trying to sell their house. It is a beautiful house and something I have only dreamed of. I told Jenny we weren't ready to buy a house quite yet but I would drive by and look at it. She told her friend that we would like to buy again someday. So her friend contacted me, and I explained the situation and she understood. I said maybe we could rent it but there is no way we are ready to buy quite yet. Well she talked to her hubby, he liked the idea and said they would talk about it. Jenny had said that it would be cool if we could rent it from them too. It was kind of her idea too.

Well of course we prayed about it and reminded God we were headed for adoption and did not want to go anywhere He didn't want us and that didn't lead us to China. I kept praying, the more I prayed the more I kept thinking of this house, and wonderful it would be for our daughter to come home there but I didn't want that if HE did not want us to have it. So after awhile my hubby and her hubby talked things out and it just didn't seem to work out for them. I understood. I was confused that when I prayed I asked God to take the thoughts of that house out of my head if He didn't want us to have it, and somehow they kept popping in there. I was confused but again I thought OK Lord we were not suppose to be there, I understand, that is NOT the path to China. I was completely OK with it all, content, not upset a bit.  I know I discussed this on this blog about a door being closed. This was that door. The house would have given us enough room for our China doll and more kiddo's if that were ever the case, so I guess I was sorta stopped in my tracks. I knew however that if God called us to this He would provide whatever means necessary to get us there. Whether this house was involved or not.

Fast forward a few weeks ago. I got a call from Jenny's friend, who is quickly becoming our friend too now. She said that she had an idea wondered if we would be interested. So I called her back and wouldn't ya know it. They had worked some things out and still wanted us to rent this house with the hopes of buying it soon. I wanted to tell everyone right then, but I waited. I had prayed about this for so long earlier this spring and the door closed so I was not gonna just jump right into it. I prayed even more now and I really finally left the decision up to my husband. I knew he didn't have an emotional investment in this so it would be better if he made the decision alone. Boy was that hard, not putting my two cents in. He talked with his men's bible study group and asked them to pray and I had friends of mine praying. We talked to people who care about us and love us to get their opinion and bounce things off of them. Everyone was saying yes, do this! I have to tell ya, I really just left my hubby completely alone about this. I knew that if God wanted us to have this, and this truly was the way we were to go for China, then He would surely put it on his heart. About a week later he finally sat down with me and said, "Honey we should do this, I just feel God telling us to do this and with lots of counsel from others I feel this is the right thing to do." I was so stinking happy and yet so scared out of my mind.

I was not prepared to move, we are in the middle of band camp and school starts in a few weeks, so our schedule is hectic and then to up and move the whole house in the midst of this was crazy. Oh and did I mention the guys leave on Sunday to go to scout camp for 10 days? Some other things have happened in the last couple days that has prompted us to move quicker than expected. I took a look at our busy schedule and decided the only weekend we could possibly move in the next few months would be the first weekend of August. Yes that is just a few weeks away! Am I crazy? well ya just a bit, but you do not understand marching season, it gets crazy busy all the way up till the end of October. Normally I am so stressed at moving I freak out a bit. I have moved so many times in my life I cannot begin to count them, and they always stress me out. This, this is different. I am not stressed about anything. We called our new friends and they were fine with the move in date. We even found someone who was giving away free boxes, so God took care of that too. Everything seems to be working out very smoothly. I wonder if I should worry. Then I remember my prayers from earlier. Lord if this is what you want, please work out all the details, and He has indeed! And I still continue to pray if this is not where you want us to go please close the door now. He has left it wide open. I could almost weep. Well I have the last couple days at His majesty!

See I have to tell you a little thing about me. I have never lived in a place that was simply beautiful. We had some nice places growing up and a few when we got married but nothing that when I looked at it thought "WOW that is beautiful!" and I have always been OK with that. I am a simple humble girl. Never grew up with much but I had love. I have always felt I didn't deserve much either. I am not sure why maybe it was because never having much makes you appreciate the things you did have. So to be offered such a beautiful home I truly feel we do not deserve it. We have not earned it, nor could we ever. It is too good to be true. So I keep waiting for God to close the door to this blessing. He has remained standing with it wide open. I truly truly still feel we don't deserve it. We have messed up enough in life to see our mistakes and still reel from living from some of them. It is hard. On one hand I feel we have to earn things by works. So this we have not yet worked to get. Somehow though God keeps reminding me of His grace. He reminds me, I have covered your sin a long time ago, stop holding on to it and let it go. Your sins are as far away as the east is from the west because I have paid them for you. Stop beating yourself up about it. I am offering you grace, mercy and forgiveness, please take it.

I am doing the best I can to accept His gift of grace and mercy. I have never had someone love me SO much! So in a few short weeks we will take the huge blessing God has handed us and use it to honor Him in every way we can. Will it lead to China? I am praying it does. But if He has other plans for us I will follow HIM wherever He leads. Because His grace is enough! and His blessings are abundant for those who love Him and serve Him!

Father I pray right now that you help us to use this gift to further your kingdom and may You and our new friends not be disappointed in anything we may do. Let it all be for your glory! Walk with us each step of the way so that we stay on your plans path. Thank you Lord for always staying with us and carrying us when we cannot go on any further on our own. I pray you bless our new sweet friends abundantly beyond their wildest dreams. Thank you Father for all your plans. Plans to prosper and not to harm us to give us HOPE and a future, and China someday!! Thank you for the place that will be our new home in just a few weeks!! 

Your blessings are so abundant

Always thankful for Your love and sacrifice and your overflowing blessings!!!!

Truly blessed today, and lots of ladybugs :)

Life is Swirling

Lots of things going through my mind today. I posted some pictures on my facebook page that got me thinking about the summer so far...

We started off with summer school and that flew by. Then came my birthday we decided that we would go to The WWI museum and learn something. My boys (including the big one) loves anything about history, so this may have been MY birthday but I could not resist letting them enjoy this time, I wanted to see it too. It took us two days to visit because of the rain. The high tower lined with copper at the top is not open during storms, so we had to go back a second day when it had stopped storming to visit that, which worked out well with our passes too.

 It was a very interesting couple of days to say the least! We learned a lot and left there so appreciative of all our armed forces both past and present. There were lots of statistics revealed in this memorial that were just staggering to say the least. So thank you to all those out there who have served or are serving our country. We would not be "FREE" without you and without our Jesus! We left there and decided to go down to the plaza and just walk around a bit. There was one store we wanted to show Sis, a culinary store that we KNEW she would love, and she did love it indeed. So we rounded the corner and found this, which made my heart happy and sad at the same time

This was left from the Dragon Boat Festival from the day before that got rained out, It was beautiful but made me think of our ladybug! Right smack in the middle of my birthday weekend, God Reminded me of China and our daughter. How do you deal with that when your not wanting to think about it because it is to painful at this point? Then there was this too,

All these beautiful Chinese Lanterns! and this

Again right here in the middle of the Midwest! I felt my heart flutter again for China. This looks to me to be some sort of Chinese guard. I am sure I am wrong so if someone knows what it is exactly I would LOVE to know. So for a split second we felt a family of six looking at these. Heart warming and heart wrenching. I sometimes wonder why God gives me reminders that is so painful, but then I remember how much JOY I receive as well remembering His promise. It was a good day indeed!

The next weekend was Father's day so out we went to celebrate. Bud had his special dinner and he wanted to golf. Now let me explain, my hubby is NOT a golfer so this was an interesting choice. We went to the local driving range, all of us! And spent the day out there shooting buckets of balls and he LOVED it! He was sore a bit afterwards but he LOVED it!

Here he is with his first shot, course the kids HAD to join in!

Ernie looks like a pro, course he had some lessons from his awesome Uncle too! :)

Tommy is checking to see how far his ball actually went, hasn't had those lessons from his Uncle yet but did good none the less.

Then it was Vickie's turn, she may be coordinated with a flag in her hand but that golf club made me a wee bit nervous, the smile made up for it though, don't ya think?

She finally went "girly" on me and this is what happened! She wanted to see how far her ball would actually go in this position. I tell you I laughed SO hard at this! Her uncle would be proud LOL

It was a fun day celebrating Bud and him being a wonderful Father all these years! I love my husband very much and I could never have asked for a better Father to our children. God knows what He is doing when he matches children and parents! I truly believe that! What a blessing He is to our family and I will never be able to thank God enough for the wonderful gift of my husband! We really have raised our kids together, through everything. Diaper changes, walking, talking, running off to kindergarten, and then walking down that aisle for our first graduation. There are more wonderful memories to come honey! Thanks for walking through this journey of life with me! I love you more than words could ever say!

 Just a little over a week ago was July 4th. For the nation they celebrate our freedoms, but in this family its an extra special day because a sweet little baby boy joined our family on that day 16 years ago. So not only do we celebrate America we celebrate our crazy sweet Tommy

This boy came into the world happy as can be had some special care needed for him but none the less was happy all the time

He has had us smiling from the very beginning and keeps it up every day!! He is a joy and just makes our lives better because he is in them. Can't believe our baby is 16 now! WOW

It is a an honor to be this crazy boys Mom! He really does light up the room with those giggles and laughs! We truly are blessed to have him, God saved his life when he was a little baby. Urgent surgeries had to be done immediately a few weeks after birth. We know God saved him for wonderful things, could be just to bring laughter and joy to our lives, but know this, if you don't know this boys heart, then let me let you in on a secret. He loves his family VERY much, his heart is tender for those with special needs and he LOVES the Lord very much! He is a joker and a funny guy and sometimes doesn't seem to have a serious bone in his body, lets everything roll off him. But his heart is so genuine and full of love for those he cares about and it hurts for those he has lost. And one other little secret, he loves his Mom and respects his Dad very very much!!

 I know this blog has gotten long but its been kinda busy around here. Oh one more thing I HAVE to share, remember a few months ago when I said I thought God had opened a door but then He closed it? Guess how awesome our God is? That door is WIDE open for us! Swinging back and forth just waiting for us to enter. Will tell more about that later when details are worked out but just keep praying for us and what God has in store for us. He surprises us every single day! Our God is wonderful and I am still clinging to Jeremiah 29:11 oh and Proverbs 3:5-6....Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in ALL of your ways acknowledge him and HE will make YOUR path straight! Thank you Father for all your blessings and knowing the path You have for us! Praising You now for what Your doing and what Your going to do!

Blessings and Lots and lots of Ladybugs!!! :)

What just happened?

I have lots to share about the past few weeks what God has been doing, but today, today I just got the wind knocked out of me. So I felt I needed to share this first. Ever think you have just a few things figured out, finally? Only to find out that it really wasn't the plan at all?Here is how it sort of went.

You see the last six months or so, I have felt God leading me to open up and in home daycare, but the timing has been sort of off so we waited on His timing (always a good idea). And it seemed that NOW was it, summer school was over and I was no longer the "taxi service" three times a day, so I could be home and move forward with this. We have been praying about it for awhile. We really feel this will help us to bring our daughter home from China.

I had been posting my ad for weeks and was not really getting anything. So the week after summer school was out, I posted again. And within hours I had three kids ready for care, needed to meet with the Moms but it seemed all was well. I met with one mom and started watching her little girl yesterday. She came to pick her up early and I was informed that something happened at the financial end of her job and they could not keep her on right now. I was *shocked*! She still wants to use me if she finds another job but not sure when that will be. Second Mom I talked to, had all the details worked out, when they would start (two sweet ones) and just needed to meet with her today. She just emailed and said she was not sure it would work out. WHAT JUST HAPPENED????

Look I am not a naive sort of person. I know when you do good for the kingdom, Satan does not like it and tries to put roadblocks in your way. Well guess he is throwing up some HUGE ones right now. Normally they only affect my family but this is affecting other families as well. To say I was thrown off would be an understatement! I know God has a plan for all this. But the evil one likes to make us doubt all that God has done for us and what His plans are. I will NOT give up, I will NOT doubt! I have a daughter in China who needs her family whenever it may be that we are suppose to do this adoption! I am a daughter of The King of kings and I will NOT be distracted!!

In the mean time I will just cling to His word and be on my knees in prayer. I know He has called us into this adoption and no one, not even Satan will take that from us! Lord I am clinging to Your word today and Your promises You made me so long ago! The scripture You have hidden in my heart remains there to cling to! I will stand ON the Rock!! My Abba Father to comfort me and get us through this! He has never left me and He never will. Thank you Lord for your blessings and most of all for Your word and Your calling on our lives. We are still listening and will follow You! Through all the raging seas You are right in front of me.  Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you", declares The Lord, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you HOPE and a future."  "The Lord is my light and my salvation, for whom should I fear?"  Clinging to Your word today Father! Thank you!

Blessings and Ladybugs :)