Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Asking, Seeking and Praying

Let me start this by saying, I only ever want what God wants for us. Everything else is just wasted. I have been praying for SO long about adoption, sometimes I wonder if He is still listening. My heart and arms long to hold a sweet little girl with almond shaped eyes and tell her how much her family loves her. To share with her the wonderful things Jesus has done to bring her to her forever family and home. I continue to ask, seek, knock and pray. Sometimes He is silent, and I weep. Sometimes He gives me gentle reminders that He is still listening. Boy am I thankful He is!!

But alas I still feel like this is just a continued circle of waiting. We haven't even began the process yet! I know my friends and family think I am nuts by now and consider me a liar when it comes to this. See all these past 6 years of waiting, God has been working. For the most part no one SEE'S Him working, except me. So maybe I am a little crazy but maybe I am just in tune to His loving on me. It does get frustrating, and makes me sad and I grow tiresome of talking about it sometimes. But in my heart there is this fire that burns for the orphans all over the world. Why should I sit back and be complacent and let them suffer? I want to take action. I want to do whatever it is He wants me to do in His time. The frustrating part is not knowing His exact timing. I get nuggets, some small, some HUGE, some bring wishful whimsical feelings and thoughts. Pink and green lining the bedroom for a sweet little one. Little foot falls in the house, a tiny one jumping up in the bed between us on a Saturday morning just to be loved on. A sweet tiny hand holding my finger as we sit in church so she can hear about our Jesus. Then I get sad again wondering, "When Lord? Am I crazy or did You really call us to this? I get so tired of waiting"

I hear stories of people stuck in the different stages of their adoptions and I pray, pray for them to hold their little ones, pray for them to know God's will and His hand on their lives, pray for a wonderful outcome on Gotcha day, pray for bonding and love to be had by all. Then I wonder does anyone know our story? Does anyone still care about our little girl? its been SO long since I started talking about this.I pray someone is doing the same and praying for us as well.  I am sure by now those who aren't close to us think I was just talking and never intended to walk it. Oh but I do! My heart and head and family are SO on board to move forward. I would give anything to be in some stage of adoption, at least I would know we were moving in some direction even if its at a turtle's pace. And that our little girl would be one step closer to knowing her Heavenly Father, and her forever family.

Remember when I said God shows up big sometimes? Well a few months ago probably last spring, our daughter and I were picking out names for little girls for fun. We already have our sweet ladybugs name picked out, has been for years now. So to pick out another name for maybe another daughter someday was truly dreaming and being downright silly. I joked lets get through this first one first and then we will think about that later. One thing at at time, we know China does not allow multiple children to be adopted at once, its just unheard of. So lets not go down that road and get our hearts broken. I did begin to pray though that if someday God wanted us to have another sweet ladybug then please allow that to grow in our hearts till it was time. But again one at a time is all we are allowed and all we can handle financially for sure because going twice in a short amount of time could be so costly and almost impossible....well not really impossible because scripture tells us, With God ALL things are possible! One of my favorite verses in the whole bible. So anyway we put it in the back of our minds and deep down in our hearts till God was ready to water that seed. In His timing as always!

This past week I got a tweet from our Agency with some interesting news I am about to share with you, let me tell you by the time I was done reading it I was sobbing, and the more times I shared it with our family members (immediate only) because the rest of them already think I am crazy :) The tears just flowed freely. And here is that information straight from their website. You read it and tell me what you think, I know without a shadow of a doubt what its saying. OUR God is a big God and we have been praying BIG prayers because He can do all things!! Here it is:

CCAA launches Special Focus Children's Program

Starting today, September 1st, families in the China adoption process can adopt two unrelated children with one dossier process in the Special Focus Children (SFC) Program. At this time the program is open to all families who can travel within one year of accepting the referrals. Therefore, the following families can apply:

o Families who will receive a healthy referral within the next year and who want to adopt a special focus child. For wait times for the healthy referral program, please review blog posts and speak to a Family Coordinator.
o Families who are paper-chasing and who want to adopt two waiting children.
o Families who have a dossier in China and will adopt two waiting children.
o Families who have a referral. Please speak to your Family Coordinator about approval wait times and how accepting another referral can affect their travel time frames.
o Prospective families who start a paper-chase and will adopt two waiting children. (This would be Us)

Currently, Special Focus Children are any waiting child referrals that have been on the shared referral system for over 60 days. There are hundreds of boys and girls of all ages who are Special Focus Children waiting for families. All China Program families will receive an email today with further clarification on these referral opportunities. Additionally, the CCAA will continue to provide details and help agencies as we work together to place these children with their forever families. Prospective families are welcome to call and ask to speak to a China Family Coordinator to learn more about this program. It will be exciting to see how God will work on behalf of these children so please join the China Program team in prayer for these referrals and the families considering their adoption.

Is it possible? Are there two little Ladybugs out there waiting for us to come get them? What do you think and be honest! I know I am crazy don't tell me something I already know :) But do you think we have room in our hearts and lives for them? Wanting to hear your take on this. We are praying to see where God leads us in this. I just laugh at His timing sometimes though. For example we started off wanting a healthy infant girl (Wait time is up to 5 years now) then we moved to Waiting children not to long ago, and then the things with the names. If we would have started way back when we felt the call, we would NOT be considering this right now in this time. God's plan is always bigger and better than we can wish for, dream, imagine, or even begin to fathom! Would you pray with us about this decision please? We only want what He wants! Thank you friends! Big hugs and remember God knows His plans for you! Allow Him to unfold them for you all you need is faith as big as a mustard seed. He can do mighty things with those who serve HIM!!

Blessings, and Lots of Ladybugs and a few giggles at God's sense of timing and Humor,
Love Tammy :)