Hello there! Sorry I have been away, we have been trying to adjust to all these new things happening in our lives. Sadly none are adoption related as of yet. God keeps reminding me...DAILY...to trust Him in this. TRUST...think about that word for a minute. What does that mean to you?
Recently I was truly blessed by a wonderful friend, and by God's grace I was able to take our daughter to Women of Faith last month. I had not been in years but I had prayed for a long time for God to show me when was the right time to take my teen daughter (who is almost an adult) to WOF. Everytime I would go and return in the past, she would be at the doorstep awaiting my return asking lots of questions. So interested and yet I knew some of the topics expressed were to grown-up for her little mind to understand. This year I knew was probably the right time to take her, but with the move and Mom moving in, money was not available for us to go. Our God had other plans, through one of my sweet friends, and a now a new friend, we were able to get free tickets, through a promotion the two were working with through WOF. Never expected it and boy were we surprised!! We spent the weekend being loved on by both these women, plus old friends I hadn't seen in awhile. Not to mention all the speakers and staff at WOF. What a wondeful weekend of praise, worship and utter love for our King. But the trust thing came up. Indeed did it come up!
Sheila Walsh (whom I love) asked us a simple question that brought me to tears and to my knees. She asked this, Do you trust God? Do I trust God? Course my first answer was, "Well of course I trust Him. Why wouldn't I?" Then His spirit spoke to me as Sheila went on to ask the question deeper. Do you really trust Him? with everything? or is there things you have to handle on your own? Do you trust Him deeply? Completely? Or are there things that you KNOW you can trust Him with and just leave it at that, or do you pour your heart out to the One who saved you, knowing He truly knows what your hiding? It hit me like a ton of bricks. No Father I do not trust You with everything. But Why not? Why wouldn't I? Sheila went on to explain it could come from past issues that were really hurtful to us personally, making it harder to completely trust anyone, especially God. I thought about this and again began to weep. He spoke to me again. I know what you've went through, I was there with you. TRUST ME!
The little things, I trust Him with. Why NOT the big things? Why do I get so down and sad when things take a turn for the worst? He is still God and has not changed since day one. He still loves me just as much today as yesterday, if not more. He still has a plan for us. I know the answer to that now. I don't trust Him...enough! I dream enough and I pray enough?, I just don't trust Him enough because I am afraid. Afraid of being hurt again, afraid of being completely alone and abandoned by those who love me. Afraid that when I mess up (which I will) someone will stop loving me and will brush me aside, again. Afraid I am not important enough, or loving enough, or perfect enough. Ya know what God has revealed to me since WOF? I am not any of those things to this world, but to my Heavenly Father. I am ALL those things and more! He loves me enough and cries with me enough and is making me whole in Him. I have to let go of the past hurts that people have done and trust my Father in heaven to take care of me and heal my broken heart. He also revealed to me that all those things I feel, the orphans, OUR children waiting for us, they feel the exact same way as well. What an amazing God we serve. What do I do in the mean time?
Well I have been letting things go that would make me crazy and trusting Him to handle them. I have been researching more about the adoption (possibly of two, still praying) and being proactive about things. Is it easy? NO WAY! Am I still afraid? Yes some, but I am much better about things. He is still working it won't happen over night. The hardest trust issue I still have is the adoption. We have been praying for so long and hurting for our daughter(s?) that its hard to see past today. Will it ever happen? Yes I believe it will, the "when" has always been up to Him. But ya know what I am gonna start trusting Him with all those details. Hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year! He is faithful!!! Scripture helps,prayer helps, praising Him helps and love from my friends and family helps tremendously. Most important His daily reminders( I just got one from my daughter just now! She sent me a pic of two little ladybug magnets that one of our secretary's and friends at school have on her desk, she just happened to be in the office and thought I needed that right now! :) ) that He knows our hearts and this is the plan He has called us too, and that He is walking with us through all this. He has not left us nor forsasken us! So little by little I will trust Him and Him alone in His plans whether its one sweet ladybug or ten, I will trust Him!!! Course He'll have to convice the hubby of that ten number LOL!!! I will just continue to hold on to the scriptures, words in songs and the love He so lavishly pours out on me!
"I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me." Phil 4:13
"Whatever you ask in prayer believeing you shall receive." Matthew 21:22
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for a certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
"I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." Isaiah 43:5
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will reveive the crown of life that God has promise to those who love him." James 1:12
And these Lyrics:
Savior He can move the mountains, My God is mighty to Save He is mighty to Save!
So remember Your people, remember Your Children, remember Your promise, Oh God!
Jesus you know just how far the east is from the west.
I will serve You while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting.
I will walk by Faith even when I cannot see, because this broken road prepares Your will for me!
And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own!
Thank you Lord Jesus, Thank you!
Blessings and Love!
P.S. If you want to read more about what Sheila said about trust, she has a great book out called "When a woman trusts God." Run and get it!! :)