Monday, April 4, 2011

God's Healing Hands

I love how when your going through the thick of things in life, you know when its really tough, God makes His presence known! I want to share something vaguely that happened last week. The details aren't important but the outcome and suffering is, but God was with us. 

You have heard about my Mom and how she came to live with us after her open heart surgery in September. The conditions she was living in was not a healthy situation in all aspects, relationally, spiritually, and health wise. So after much conversation she decided to come live with us. She has done really well in every area. She started going to church with us and really getting to know God. It was wonderful. She also was doing better health wise and we were excited, it was exciting. She started visiting with friends and getting out there again. So last Sunday while visiting a friend, she called me. She told me she had made a decision (out of no where) that she was going back to the situation she was in before the surgery, including marriage. This situation was difficult when she first moved here because of the underlying issues but lets just say we were drug through the mud from the other party. It was heart wrenching to watch and to be a part of because it was not only her going through it but us as well, Satan was attacking. We had gotten through it and God had protected us all. So to receive that call Sunday, I was floored. She proceeded to move out on Monday and has not looked back. We were left......dare I say abandoned. I felt that way at least and I knew that I could not be a part of all that again. We had gone through so much and I could not put my family through it anymore. It came down to having to choose between that and her choices and my family. She is married now, they did that on Friday, and has not really had much to do with us since. I am not sure what happened or why but I know God has held us close to His heart this week.    
My kids are old enough to understand as much as there is to understand so they were kind of shocked and hurt too. They are better now, I however being her daughter have had an emotional roller coaster of a week. Here is the point in this. Its not to tell you what things we have been through or what choices we have made to bring this on, because really we didn't choose this. The point is, God knew it was coming and He stood next to us and even at times this week as held me and comforted me. 

I have really known what it feels like to be a daughter of The King this week. He has comforted me when I cried and lifted me up and encouraged me. Even today when she called and left a message that was not very kind, He comforted me right then. He reminded me that He has all this in his hands and that He loves me despite of all the pain I have been through in this and in my childhood with my parents. He is the ultimate Father! Who could ask for anyone better?! I feel    
like I have been through the stages of grief again like I did when my Dad passed away. I am telling you I just sobbed and sobbed for a few days, then I was angry and then sad and numb, and today, today with God's words in my heart I am beginning to heal. My friends have come along side me and prayed and loved on me. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I really do believe that God gives you friends to help to stand in the gap where your family chooses to not stand with you. So I have come to understand this week that this was a choice she made and that I have no say so in it, it is NOT my responsibility to make her choices and choose how to treat me. It is my responsibility to walk a Christian life and honor my Heavenly Father in all this. He has revealed things to me and shown me He is really what I need above everything else or anyone else. I am so thankful that HE loves me enough to stand with me and to send others to love on me and help me heal. And I am so thankful for my husband, children, brother, sister and nephew that loves me unconditionally, and friends who are like family to me.I wish I could say that about everyone but that is unfortunately not the case. I am ever more thankful that God through my life and sin and bad choices that He loves me anyway, and He loves her too. So now we have decided to move forward, one foot in front of the other. When the days get difficult I will lean on Him above anyone and anything else. Thank you Father!! Thank you!! He reminds me "I will love you for you, not what you've done or what you have become, I will love you for you!" What He has MADE me for and made me to be, to love Him and worship Him and that is what I will do with ALL my heart!!