Monday, March 1, 2010

Waiting

Lots of stuff going on in the house with all the kids. We celebrated Ernie and Vickie's birthday's together yesterday in what little time Ernie was home. He came home this weekend to be a small group leader for our Youth groups annual Refuel weekend. It was a different role for him being  a leader and not a student learning, but as I suspected He LOVED it!!! All he could talk about were "his boys" while he was here. The Lord is working and I am just loving seeing it.


That left little time for a birthday dinner for both and a cake but we squeezed it in. You see the day before was Vickie's 17th birthday (whew time is flying) and she had a guard competition in St. Louis, all day on the bus is not a great way to spend her birthday, however I tried to make it as special as possible. I woke her early not because she wanted to get up but because she HAD to and she knew the day would stretch into the wee hours of the next morning so I tried to ease her pain a bit by placing her birthday present on her chest to wake her. She was pleasantly surprised. :) Amongst her presents in her bag was a few minor things I made her swear she would wear all day, a button that said "It's my birthday" and a birthday princess crown. She LOVED it!!! For a second I got a glimpse of my sweet little girl dressing up all those years ago. See we were not able to go with her on this trip due to a little thing called FPU, we just had to save money and it really was not in our budget this week to take this trip, however as bad as I feel about missing this, I am reminded of Dave Ramseys words, "money is a moral, not good or bad, just stuff we need" So I took that into thought and since we are "lving like no one else (btw it is TOUGH) so later we can live like no one else" I came to peace with it, it was almost a knock down drag out with my mothering instincts but in the end, God really was the one who put me at ease. It was her birthday after all! So we celebrate a day late, no big deal. We were all ok with it and I got to hear all the stories of the day in the wee hours of the morning, but there was NO way I was missing them for anything. She was beat and tired but still went on about how well the guard did. They moved up 6 whole points from the week before! Way to go everyone!! Every week they get better. So when championships come around at the end of the month in Springfield they will be at the top of their game...oh and btw we ARE going to that. We just had to choose which ones, and we knew championships would mean more to her.


So Bud and I had a few hours to ourselves on Saturday with all the kids in their respective spots per say. We have needed a new vehicle for quite awhile and now that we are doing FPU we have to look at purchasing one in a whole new manner. So Saturday we went "looking" what features we like, what we can afford, how much to save to pay cash, what size, all those things. Then it hit me...well first let me back up just a bit. All this past week God has been loving on me and comforting me about the adoption of our little girl someday from China. I have been just out of sorts about it and He has loving been reminding me that His plan is higher and much better than I could ever imagine. I still have this empty ache of a hole in my heart and this frustration of waiting for all this to begin. I have heard friends say throughout their adoption process that the waiting is the toughest. I agree but I would give anything to be in the middle of the waiting and not wondering when its ever going to begin. My heart truly aches sometimes and I can get very down, and then God will show me, she is still going to be there when He says its time. SO I put that in the back of my mind and go on with my life taking care of all the things I need to, keeping busy helps. His word is so comforting. So back to the "looking" we see this one particular vehicle and I am thinking is there enough room for two teenagers with LONG legs to sit back here when we are all together...and then God reminds me, your gonna need room for a car seat too. :) My heart just leaped!! It was just a little nugget and a way that God has of speaking to me that brought joy and some peace and a great big smile across my face. I knew which vehicle we were to save for. The funny thing was, well maybe its just God being God, but Bud agreed 100% no this is not the right one, lets keep looking, or I just don't like it, or Your the one driving it sorta conversation. He just said I really like this, its really going to work. And me, me I just smiled, like God and I had an inside joke. He is good isn't he?! 


So for now I will continue to wait, waiting is the hardest. You see I have been in love with this little girl for over 5 years now. She and her mommy are in my prayers daily and I just long to hold her and tell her all the wonderful things God has for her and how MUCH He LOVES her! I don't know when or how, but God has promised me a long time ago and of everyone I know, I know one thing for sure, He NEVER breaks a promise! So it may be all my kids are grown and graduated and we start fresh, I don't care because I know God is in the midst of all the intricate areas of my life. I will keep waiting Lord, and while I do I will watch and serve You and honor You with all that I am! My China princess is out there and one day I will hold her in my arms and tell her how much we love her and how long we have been waiting to tell her Jesus loves her! Its such a hard thing to share and a hard thing to let others understand so if you do thank you, and if you don't just pray for us, we need all the prayers we can get. He is in all of it!


One other note, I am not sure who is following or reading this blog or if this is just for myself, but if you could just leave a note saying your reading it I would appreciate it. I just want to share my heart with those who want to hear it. - Love Tammy