Friday, May 14, 2010

Emotional

Let me just start this with a I need to vent sort of thing. Yes I am a believer and yes God blesses me daily. However, just because I am a believer does not mean that I don't have rotten days or even weeks. You know those weeks when it comes to your attention that people don't believe in what your doing? Or that what your doing never seems good enough. Ever had those weeks? I have had one this week! Let me tell you it brings me to tears. I want to be a good witness for those who don't believe, well even for those who do, but sometimes I am weak. The good thing is because I am weak, HE IS STRONG!! Thank you Jesus!! That's His way of saying lean on Me. I have this all under control. Let me see if I can explain vaguely. (This could get long hang with me please).

See I have these three great kids whom I adore! I was blessed with them at a very young age. I was not completely prepared to be a Mom to them, like I would be now for our China girl. But our God has plans that we do not always "get".  Sometimes that is best though. I am sure if I would have known all the things I would have went through so young I would have ran the other way. Unfortunately I am still dealing with some of them still after all these years.

My husband is my very best friend! We have grown up together (literally) and we have grown with our three kiddo's as well. There have been those throughout the years who have totally disagreed with the things we have done in our lives and with our children. I always wonder how do you handle a situation like that? I am very kind and very loving and would never try to say something to someone that would hurt them, not intentionally anyway. So how is it that people think they can "judge" my parenting skills or things I choose for my kids and things I say no to. There are life lessons in our "No's" sometimes they just need to learn through experience. You know what I mean? God teaches us sometimes through example and sometime through just letting us go through the fire, to be more like Him. There are times that I want more for my kids, but when I sit back and ask them, are they happy? do they have all the "NEED"? (key word there, kids always want more than they have) They say Yes! I have to say I feel like they have gotten things through their childhood that I never did. So that is a blessing to me and I feel I am doing something right anyway.

My kids are my world! If anyone really knows me, they know that about me! I would jump off a cliff to keep them from suffering. I would stand in harms way anytime day or night to make sure they are safe. So I guess that is why it hurts so much when people question your parenting. Am I the best parent in the world? NO WAY. Do I parent as best as I can? I do believe so. I have some wonderful examples around me that help me to do that. They help in love, and kindness and forgiveness and the most important quality those people have are unconditional LOVE and trust! Thank you for that. You may not know who you are but you have given me such wonderful ways and examples to teach my children to grow up in the ways of The Lord. Tell me do I have misbehaving, disrespecting, ungodly, mean hearted children? I don't believe so. They are all very loving and kind and very forgiving people. I have taught them three things above everything else and I do believe they are the core for them being great kids. 1. Love The Lord above everything and everyone, 2. Love others unconditionally like you want to be loved. 3. Help others no matter how uncomfortable it may seem. I do believe LOVE is the key.....wait I am pretty sure that is what Jesus is about. Love! Unconditional, unbelievable LOVE!!

In the end I want my legacy to be that I loved like Jesus loves me and that I passed that on to others. My children, ALL my children especially, whether by blood or not. Those children whose life I may have touched in some small way, I pray sweet ones I loved you like my own! I just want to honor The One who made me the person I am. He knit me together with His own hands and has a plan for me.

Please forgive me if I have sound like all I care about is this adoption. It is not! Oh how my heart yearns for her to be part of our forever family, but know that I am completely aware of the blessings that wake up every morning in my home (and at college, love ya Ernie!) I have a calling on my life..WE have a calling on our lives to adopt! I will NOT deny what God has called me to do. Nor will I turn from it. The consequences would be heartbreaking. Do we have the perfect family in the worlds eyes? Nope! But I am not trying to please the world. I only want to please The One who sent me! Lord here am I, send me!! May you continued to be honored here!
Our three blessings


Being goofy!


 My best friend...always!


Being Goofy...see where they get it!

Thank you Lord for the blessings you pour out on us daily. Those from the past and those coming in the future. Please heal my emotionally hurt heart and let me remember Your promises and that Your mercy is new everyday! Your will is what we want for our lives, not what others want but what You want! May we honor You and serve You with all You have given us, no matter what form that may come in. In the end we cannot take "things" with us. We will stand before You and hear what You think of us. The words I long to hear from You on judgement day are these (right from Scripture) "Well done, you were a good and faithful servant." May I always be FAITHFUL to You alone!

Look forward to hearing your comments on this particular blog. May The Lord bless you and provide the desires of your heart and His.

Blessings, lots of love, and tons and tons of Ladybugs