Friday, May 21, 2010

A realization

I know I just posted, but this has nothing to do with that post and I thought I might share with you just a bit. Well it kinda does have something to do with the other post but not in the same extent. I just read something on a sweet friends blog and thought maybe I should address this dilemma I have, and I see she has as well. So maybe more of you have it too, so lets ponder it over together!

Let me say this, I love my children dearly and I will miss each of them as they spread their wings and follow where God leads them. I know it is part of life and growing and changing so we can minister to others for the kingdom. However I do feel sometimes that there are parents out there who don't get my dilemma in this adoption thing. To tell you the truth I have argued this point with God a few times as well, when it comes to the adoption. My kids are almost grown. One in college, one about to be a Senior and one who will be a Junior. We are talking colleges and what to be and how to be it and how to accomplish things the last few years of High school so that they can choose the best school to go to that will help them develop their God given talents. And yet I want to, well this family AND God wants us to bring a new little life into the midst of this ever changing family. Alas to "start over again"! Its crazy right? Where do I go for guidance in this situation? Then I remember or realized something.... God knew!

He knew what would happen and how it would happen and He planned it just this way! Does it make sense? Well not to me, and definitely not to some of my family members. But God does not have to show us everything in order for us to follow Him. He just asks us to step out in faith and trust that He has it all in control. Yes there are times I think, well I could just go on with this life I have now and finish helping my kids through school and then do "whatever" it is people do after their kids graduate.

However, I want my "whatever" to matter! I want it to make a difference in The Kingdom of God. Not necessarily what I want to do but what God has given me my talents for. It has taken me a lot of years to try and fit a mold that does not really fit me. I just came up with the realization this past week that God wants me to be a Mom! Just a Mom, that's it! He wants me to love on kids and share Him with them! Not a doctor or a teacher or a secretary or a computer person those are all noble fields but not everyone is called to fit those molds. My mold is to be a Mom to whatever kids walk into my life, for however long they need one, and I have been told I am pretty good at it. :) And I LOVE it!! Now if I could just get paid for it. That is the dilemma right there. How do you be a stay at home mom and adopt from China and put three kids through college on one income that is not as much as we need. Answer, I work. But the thing is I am not always great at "working" I work hard but I always feel something is missing. You know what it is? being the Mom I am suppose to be. It is a dilemma I have dealt with for years. How do I balance it?

 If only we could all get paid to be a mom, for all the things we do for our kids, we would have what we need financially. You know mom's are technically, doctors, teachers, advocates,taxi drivers, scientists, maids, psychologists, dentists, shoppers, accountants, artists and boo boo fixers all rolled into one person. Imagine that pay!! LOL Its not really about the pay though its about molding our children into godly people. That is priceless! So I know what I want and what I am called to be...A MOM!! It just needs financial benefits.  My hubby would agree with that 100%  He wants me to stay at home but he also wants me to bring in an income. Juggling that is tough, oh did I mention, that is part of being a mom too?  I just keep praying for God to show me what He wants me to do next. One step at a time to take care of my three children I have and the one He has promised me from China. I have been on my knees a lot lately about this. Would you pray with me? The bible says, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I will be also." I so want Him in the center of all these decisions and all this chaos. I want Him to be honored in what I say and how I act and how I bring up our children. He is my hope once again! Off to read my bible, I know there are answers in there. Some time tonight I MUST sleep tomorrow is busy! Thanks for listening my sweet friends!

Blessings, and prayers and Ladybugs in my dreams :)